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Old 08-31-2012, 11:52 PM
285 posts, read 1,059,759 times
Reputation: 188


Ive been living with my parents all my life and I was raised as a jw (jehovahs witness) so I couldnt do anything as a child and in my teens plus me being the youngest I pretty much done whatever I was told too and not really think for myself, and use to my parents telling what to do and I follow them!

I'm 21 years old, I work at a grocery store and going to school to get my Associates degree! So most likely I wont move out of the house until Im 23! : ( I would REALLY REALLY want to move out but I dont want to move out because Im saving money so I can move out of the state and not return back to the house! If I move out right now I would have to move back here into the house because I wont have enough money to support myself!

The thing is, as long as I live with my parents I have to go to church, if not I have to move out, sucks buts that just how they are!

What should I do? Right now Im taking an antidepressant to keep myself from going insane its helping but not good enough!

I plan on going to another congregation and go like once or twice a month and then eventually disassociate myself when I get ready to graduate!
Should I do whatever I want on the side while going to the church service as well so I can keep living here while saving money!

I know most people would say leave, but its not that simple for me, plus I dont have any friends because Ive isolated myself because I had to be friends with JW people my age and I didnt want to so I isolated myself and stayed in my room through out middle and high school and now!

What would you do if you had to stay with your parents but have to follow there rules? Would you do whatever you want?
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Old 09-01-2012, 07:33 AM
Location: zone 5
7,329 posts, read 13,817,396 times
Reputation: 9648
This is hard, because you're a legal adult and you can do anything you want from that standpoint. But when you live in someone's house, they can say "you have to do this, this, and this, or find another place to live". Maybe you can't realistically live on your own now, but you don't have to spend all your time alone. What are your interests? Get out and do things where you'll meet new people not from your church. Start making a life as yourself, not your parents' kid, little by little. Two years will go by a lot faster if you do, and you'll learn more about yourself and about other people's way of life.
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Old 09-01-2012, 07:43 AM
Location: ๏̯͡๏﴿ Gwinnett-That's a Civil Matter-County
2,117 posts, read 5,497,642 times
Reputation: 3518
Hang in there. That sounds like a bit of a prison sentence to tell you the truth, but keep your eyes on the prize and focus your your goal of getting your AA and saving up as much money as you possibly can. It's only 2 years, then you'll be free.

Maybe can you bring an ipod with you to the church?
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:55 AM
4,762 posts, read 11,682,091 times
Reputation: 7878
Two things...

"When in Rome do as the Romans do." - Best to keep your parents happy and get that AA. And going to college does not allow for much fun time anyway, so probably the best environment to study and so forth. I've known college students who live away from home, party every chance they get, but then don't pass their tests. So might as well "suck it up" and be miserable for now. Freedom and fun can and will come later.

Then "Misery enjoys company." - Read about and look at pictures of people less fortunate than you are. Maybe people in extreme poverty situations - no electricity, one room house, 18 people living in that one house, live on one bowl of rice a day, etc.

I do this when I feel my life is not so wonderful, then realize I actually am pretty well off and lucky. Makes my problems sound like no problem whatsoever! Here is one...

Extreme Poverty and Hunger - YouTube
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Old 09-01-2012, 02:06 PM
14,001 posts, read 26,559,889 times
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While in church, pick a topic to think about, any topic. Try to memorize all the Kentucky Derby winners. Pick a year in your life and just think about it. Remember pets/artists/whomever meant something to you who are no longer with us and let your mind relax on these.

Not sure if an antidepressant is right for "sanity" if you are really hating your circumstances. Maybe some group talk therapy about maintaining a balance while you complete your very good plans for a new life. Don't be so hard on yourself by feeling "trapped" in the current situation (or maybe "under the thumb" of your parents). You are doing all the right things to move onto a new life. By the way, what would happen if you didn't go to church?
Best wishes.
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Old 09-02-2012, 10:32 AM
9,484 posts, read 11,462,724 times
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I would continue to save money until you have a good enough plan to leave. I really wish you luck!
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Old 09-02-2012, 10:47 AM
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I agree, staying for the sole purpose of saving money *sounds* like the best option on paper, but it may not be tolerable.

Have you considered finding a roommate? Perhaps post a notice at your college?
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:04 AM
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Sadly my college is a community college and they dont have housing! : (
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Old 09-03-2012, 07:02 PM
1,468 posts, read 1,790,841 times
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I'm pretty much in the exact same situation except my family was never religious and I'm a girl two years younger than you are.

It's really tough, I applied to hundreds of places to find a job but I couldn't get anything. I went to college early but still wasn't motivated. Right now, my family urges me to suck it up and just go get a degree so I can find a job and get out ASAP. There are students at CC who live together although I don't think you'd want to do that, it's cheap but uncomfortable.

Seriously, they annoy me with their conversations, their complaints, their opinions, and we're already at the point where I hide in my room all the time.

I tried to find comfort by speaking to students, neighbors, psychologists, professors, and the general consensus was that this is a good practice for my future because the same incidents could happen even with roommates or friends. I was also told to wait and start budgeting.
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Old 09-03-2012, 10:43 PM
Location: St. Louis
9,966 posts, read 17,876,533 times
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OP are you getting your associates in something that will get you working right away? I hope you're doing something like lab tech or respiratory tech or something that will get you working as soon as you get out of school and then you can pursue your bachelor's later when you're moved out. I hope you don't hate your parents unless they truly deserve to be hated--they're probably doing what they think is right and want you in JW heaven with them.

As for friends, I'm betting that you're not the only one at your church in this situation. Look around for some sympathetic types and see if you can forge a relationship with them. Look up this website too: Jehovah's Witness Recovery
They have a forum and those folks would probably have some great survival tips and would understand better what you're going thru.
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