Ending Friendship with Mentally Ill Friends for Own Sanity (quit, schizophrenia, paranoid)
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I don't think it's right. But I guess you're just protecting yourself.
I think that when people choose to become friends or "best friends forever," they're entering an agreement with another human being, and they can be tumultuous. It's easy to be in someone else's life when things are well, when everyone is happy. But what makes a valuable friend valuable is whether they're around when things are bad. If you don't want to be someone's friend, just leave them alone from the beginning and you won't have to worry about being burdened with their mental or emotional problems at all. There are almost always red flags that an individual who is ill demonstrates, but they get ignored because you'd rather be nice and passive instead of telling them outright that you don't want to be involved.
I'd rather stay alone, being a sad and disintegrating person myself, rather than burden others who pretend to be concerned and willing to be friends, and just avoid making friends altogether. It's better to avoid them than drag others down and hurt myself even more by losing them. At the end of the day it really is all about ourselves and we don't even care about others until they're dead or dying or become rich.
I'd rather stay alone, being a sad and disintegrating person myself, rather than burden others....
If you are disintegrating, please see a therapist who is trained and qualified to help you. You're more likely to get better.
Think about it. If you have stomach pains, are you more likely to get the pain to go away if you see a doctor or if you go instead to friends for sympathy and support.
I don't think it's right. But I guess you're just protecting yourself.
I think that when people choose to become friends or "best friends forever," they're entering an agreement with another human being, and they can be tumultuous. It's easy to be in someone else's life when things are well, when everyone is happy. But what makes a valuable friend valuable is whether they're around when things are bad. If you don't want to be someone's friend, just leave them alone from the beginning and you won't have to worry about being burdened with their mental or emotional problems at all. There are almost always red flags that an individual who is ill demonstrates, but they get ignored because you'd rather be nice and passive instead of telling them outright that you don't want to be involved.
I'd rather stay alone, being a sad and disintegrating person myself, rather than burden others who pretend to be concerned and willing to be friends, and just avoid making friends altogether. It's better to avoid them than drag others down and hurt myself even more by losing them. At the end of the day it really is all about ourselves and we don't even care about others until they're dead or dying or become rich.
I'm a loner, and unless there is a big spark with someone I prefer my furry family. Being 'out' with friends is okay for a time but then I want to be away. I'm not much at all for sort of relationships. But I'd rather not start them at all that dump someone since its getting stressful.
I have closed people out of my life, though. People seem to find it easy to talk to me and if its a friend I'll try my best to help. But sometimes people sink into their own little cage and have to climb out themselves. One friend was divorcing her husband. He was very manipulative. She was falling for it completely. I talked to her over and over and over and couldn't get in. She was convinced that the things he was pushing her into were 'punishing' him and nothing was going to change that.
Last I saw her she'd turned to the bottle. I never went back. I felt bad but the only person who was going to change anything was her. And she was just going to ignore it.
Sometimes we have to watch out for ourselves.
I would understand if the OP ended the relationship because it was hurting him. At some point we all have to make a decision. What I do NOT like in this thread is those who claim that just because there are mental conditions to run away. If that's it, then the person needs to examine themselves and see what there is that would make someone not want to be around them. Nobody is immune.
I had the wonderful experience of going to a local Science Fiction convention in OK a couple of years ago. I'm very private and probably don't seem 'friendly' to some because of it. But here I was at a con knowing not a single person. But it was people LIKE me, and I had a ball. I have been in fandom and involved in cons for years, and was talking with some of the committee. Didn't know them and they didn't know me but we had plenty in common. I got invited to their party and had a great time.
The people who know me at home and see that I keep my distance would be surprised, but its all about being in the right place with the right people.
Hoping to make it this year if I can figure out what to do with the dog. He watches the house and needs to stay home and not let anyone in, but then how does he go outside?
If you are disintegrating, please see a therapist who is trained and qualified to help you. You're more likely to get better.
Think about it. If you have stomach pains, are you more likely to get the pain to go away if you see a doctor or if you go instead to friends for sympathy and support.
I agree. Sometimes for many it's not as simple as a stomach pain; some things really can't be fixed. Mental and personality disorders are very broad and extend far beyond just someone who is depressed or abuses substances. So it's not always as simple to be whatever better is. That's why sick people isolate away from others because they don't believe there's anything anyone can do, don't feel it's worth it, they eventually have no choice but to just disappear.
But my question is, if one is such a dedicated friend, can you not accompany an ill person to the doctor? To therapy? To AA meetings? Why neglect them to do it all alone if one is concerned with them getting professional help? Just telling someone who is ill what to do may not be enough.
But my question is, if one is such a dedicated friend, can you not accompany an ill person to the doctor? To therapy? To AA meetings? Why neglect them to do it all alone if one is concerned with them getting professional help? Just telling someone who is ill what to do may not be enough.
You simply cannot physically force someone to do something which they choose not to do. In my experience often the friend is not really genuine about their willingness to actively do something to improve their situation. They make excuses about why they won't do whatever you suggest/urge them to do. They just want sympathy and someone to listen to them complain endlessly. It's hard, particularly when you grow to suspect that they don't really care for you at all and are simply using you. How many years can you sustain a one-sided friendship which is mentally draining without feeling resentful?
If you are disintegrating, please see a therapist who is trained and qualified to help you. You're more likely to get better.
Think about it. If you have stomach pains, are you more likely to get the pain to go away if you see a doctor or if you go instead to friends for sympathy and support.
Why do people say this over and over? I'm sure the poster knows this, but for their own reasons makes their own choice.
When I moved I had a ton of things to deal with. I did not want a therapist. I didn't even want friends. I wanted peace to settle my own scores myself. Mostly I have. I have had therapists, but found I felt like I was leaning on them to prop me up. In the end we settle our own weather there is a person across the chair with us or not.
And I sure wish all those who think when you are troubled would go out and see that it is frequently not possible to see a therapist. Even with sliding scales, they are expensive. Been there, done that. County setups often do not have them but will give pills so you won't remember why you were unhappy. The people who can see one probably do.
You have stomach pains, you can go to the urgent care clinic. You have issues and unless you are sucidal the er is uninterested. The BEST you have is friends will listen and be there for you even if you can find a pro. Your friends will be there much longer than the pro.
Hopes, thank you for posting this. I feel a little better knowing that other people experience this too, because it took a while for me to find this. In fact I'm going through something like this right now with someone. I have a track record of cutting off girls I once considered "best friends" because I realized it was just a one-sided friendship to their benefit. I guess the only difference with me is that I also voiced my opinion on their crises, which is something they DO NOT want to hear AT ALL. What have I learned? "Asking for help" doesn't really mean asking for help. They only wanted a brainless earpiece that says "yes, you're right and everyone else is wrong." I just couldn't stand it because I was lying to myself if I agreed with their actions (some which were criminal, but they were so deeply narcissistic that it was jaw-dropping). I've cut these people off, I don't have a lot of "close" female friends anymore but I find it more peaceful than trying to be a restrained best friend. Of course I still feel a bit guilty for cutting them out of my life, but in the end it stops me from complaining to my good, sane friends!
I seem to be a magnet for the mentally ill. Maybe because I put up with it more than most people. I've even been told, "Why am I paying a therapist when I have you?" You know what? It's draining! Eespecially the ones who never move forward, create their own problems, keep repeating the same mistakes, are one-sided constantly needy friends. I realized I must have my own mental problem because no sane person would be so damn tolerant and selfless all the time.
I typed out what was basically a big long rant and deleted it. Bottom line, I am no longer going to be friends with the people I describe above. I don't care how mentally ill, how much emotional support someone needs. I'm done with the mentally weak users. I no longer have the need to "save" or "help" people. My days are no longer going to be consumed with supporting and motivating them.
I am going to focus on the people who matter most---myself, family, and friends who have the decency to ask me how I'm doing when they call.
I wish them the best. I hope everything works out for them. I've solved my problem.
I don't think it's right. But I guess you're just protecting yourself.
I think that when people choose to become friends or "best friends forever," they're entering an agreement with another human being, and they can be tumultuous. It's easy to be in someone else's life when things are well, when everyone is happy. But what makes a valuable friend valuable is whether they're around when things are bad. If you don't want to be someone's friend, just leave them alone from the beginning and you won't have to worry about being burdened with their mental or emotional problems at all. There are almost always red flags that an individual who is ill demonstrates, but they get ignored because you'd rather be nice and passive instead of telling them outright that you don't want to be involved.
I'd rather stay alone, being a sad and disintegrating person myself, rather than burden others who pretend to be concerned and willing to be friends, and just avoid making friends altogether. It's better to avoid them than drag others down and hurt myself even more by losing them. At the end of the day it really is all about ourselves and we don't even care about others until they're dead or dying or become rich.
Nothing like a guilt trip on a beautiful sunny day.
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