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The best way to keep a "friendship" with a person suffering from a mental illness is to practice "compassionate distance".
Don't be mean to them, but don't involve yourself personally with them.
Last year I got involved with a wonderful girl who I had a crush since the 90's. She was living overseas and returned after her divorce. We dated ocassionally, like 2 dates a year from 2012 to 2014.
In 2013, she got into a relationship with a foreigner who left her broken hearted. I was givin' up on her since when we go out she never gave a hint of liking me for more than a friendship.
However in 2014 we got involved, like FWB so to speak. But I was hoping for more. Since she wasn't over the previous relationship she was asking me for time. I noticed strange things: poor sleeping patter, unusual sex drive (she confessed she had another FWB, I was the unofficial so to speak), working on million things online.
We continued our affair, but I kept noticing she also had heavy drinking habits. I told her to slow down a bit, she was a little bit upset but she understood it was for her own good.
After a month one night she had an episode. All signs points to bipolar disorder. It was pretty scary stuff. Screaming nonsense. Blaming me for things I don't have any fault. Writing with her non writing hand.
Two weeks after the episode, she is asking me for "time". I told her (I know big mistake) "you suffer from bipolar disorder, you need to get some help, if you need me I'm here for you..." she was upset.
After a six months of "cold shoulder" we made ammends so to speak, she was asking me to go "separate ways" and I said "You know what...? YOU ARE RIGHT! We need to go separate ways...All the best for you!". This was through whatsapp and she was harsh and cold, but after that she was relief.
I met her to return a book, I thanked her for the book and that was it...
My take on the matter is this: I know it's hard to deal with any type of illness but there is nothing you can do if the person is not willing to make a change.
To be honest, I could see why some see the need to get on other's backs.
I have bouts of depression at times, but I have no intention of seeing a therapist. Therapy is just a business. Money won't buy me happiness. If I want true happiness, someone will take some of their time off and comfort me for free.
To be honest, I could see why some see the need to get on other's backs.
I have bouts of depression at times, but I have no intention of seeing a therapist. Therapy is just a business. Money won't buy me happiness. If I want true happiness, someone will take some of their time off and comfort me for free.
So you think that other people are responsible for your happiness? Think about it.
YOU are in charge of your own well-being. If you are unhappy, then consider what needs to change to make you happier. You state you are depressed, have no intentions of seeing a therapist, and expect others to take time off and comfort you for free.
Why should someone else take their own precious time to "comfort" you, when you refuse to seek professional help and evidently refuse to take responsibility for your own well-being? It's one thing to have and occasionally rely on supportive friends, but if you are truly depressed, you need to see a professional for help, learn how to help yourself, and not count on others to take care of you. Especially for free!
Yeah I have a "friend" like that and I just cannot put up with the drama any more.... the thing is she guilts me into being her friend and yeah. How do you end the drama ..at this point I'll take advice from anyone.
Let me sing this one for you:
"Just walk away...there will be no more tomorrows...just walk away..."
Some cities have more crazies than others, and more detrimental mental care than some.
In the end, some will just use and use. You have responsibility to yourself & your family and not to friends. Sometimes, you have to distance from your family's crazy problems in order to survive it too.
So you think that other people are responsible for your happiness? Think about it.
YOU are in charge of your own well-being. If you are unhappy, then consider what needs to change to make you happier. You state you are depressed, have no intentions of seeing a therapist, and expect others to take time off and comfort you for free.
Why should someone else take their own precious time to "comfort" you, when you refuse to seek professional help and evidently refuse to take responsibility for your own well-being? It's one thing to have and occasionally rely on supportive friends, but if you are truly depressed, you need to see a professional for help, learn how to help yourself, and not count on others to take care of you. Especially for free!
My depression is not severe depression, but it does make me feel better knowing when someone has taken off some of their own time to help me without having to pay them.
Therapy is a business. Trying to "help" you is their job. Personally, they probably couldn't care less about you. Once they've seen you as "cured" they'll stop seeing you. If not, then cough up more money for more visits. I'm not playing that game.
I have a mentally ill friend who is drugged to the gills with pharmaceuticals. He is like a zombie.
It is very depressing.
This has been the case for over a year. I have always been very supportive of him - invite him to places with me, include him in the conversation when he is in a group.
Some people have been done with him due to his zombie state.
It is kinda spooky.
Like yesterday he was at the community garden where I garden. He followed me around my garden, saying nothing.
This morning was the first time I thought about not being around him too much any more.
I can't totally disconnect, since he is in the 'group' I hang with.
But I can't do anything for him
I have been hoping he would do something for himself, but apparently he has no will to do anything.
And I knew him - before - when he was a functioning human being.
so it makes me very sad..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
I seem to be a magnet for the mentally ill. Maybe because I put up with it more than most people. I've even been told, "Why am I paying a therapist when I have you?" You know what? It's draining! Eespecially the ones who never move forward, create their own problems, keep repeating the same mistakes, are one-sided constantly needy friends. I realized I must have my own mental problem because no sane person would be so damn tolerant and selfless all the time.
I typed out what was basically a big long rant and deleted it. Bottom line, I am no longer going to be friends with the people I describe above. I don't care how mentally ill, how much emotional support someone needs. I'm done with the mentally weak users. I no longer have the need to "save" or "help" people. My days are no longer going to be consumed with supporting and motivating them.
I am going to focus on the people who matter most---myself, family, and friends who have the decency to ask me how I'm doing when they call.
I wish them the best. I hope everything works out for them. I've solved my problem.
"I can't be subjected to constant negativity and remain happy and healthy myself."
very true.
I have found the same thing. Now I try to surround myself with positive people, and people who
are engaged with the world - not just with themselves.
It doesn't mean that if a friend has a bad time, that I won't be compassionate and understanding.
I will be.
but that's different than being a sop for someone who has no idea how to help themself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
It's nice to hear from someone who has been there, jaynaydee. She does have terrible anxiety and depression. Almost all of her problems are the result of not taking action when problems first arise (because she's avoidant) and not managing her money well. She's on medication and she goes to therapy twice a month to complain about her ex-husband. Everything wrong in her life is everyone else's fault. Having a close family member who suffers from a severe anxiety disorder, I totally understand her struggles. But I can't be subjected to constant negativity and remain happy and healthy myself. My life can't be all about her problems. This past few days have been the most peaceful I've had in a year.
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