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My kids are small so for me this is a theoretical discussion. But I can not imagine that my wife and I will just one day abandon our kids and grandkids and move somewhere were we don't know anyone so that we can die there? That just seems absolutely crazy to me. I don't think it is healthy to live in the community where everyone is old either. Ideally, we would like to be around people of different ages...
If we would not be able to afford to live close to our kids, I think at most we would like to live within a couple of hours drive... Ideally in a place that has some public transportation so that we don't always have to drive...
But on the other hand, if our kids suddenly decide to move to Alaska or Africa for work, I don't think we will follow. That would be just too much...
Last edited by DefiantNJ; 09-06-2017 at 11:43 AM..
The way you try to keep your kids in NJ is this...You make sure they go to a college (if that's the path they choose) where they won't stray too far. If your kid goes to school in another state, your chances go way down that they ever come back. You need them to meet a nice Jersey boy or girl to up your chances.
that has definitely been a thought that we have had. im not really sure which nj university i would want my kids to go to though. id rather they didnt go to nyc.
Life is short - I think you should live where you want to live, where you will be happiest, and where you can comfortably afford.
Yes, and for many people keeping involved in raising their grandkids makes them happy. Living in the communities with dying people where you need air conditioning 9 months out of the year does not make everyone happy...
Quote:
Originally Posted by OHNot4Me
These days, young families do not put down roots and stay in one place like they used to. Careers and other factors will require multiple moves, often across the country or even internationally. What are you going to do, follow your kids every time they relocate?
I believe single adults without kids move pretty often. But families with kids really need to put down roots to properly raise them. I don't think families with kids move that often.
But I agree, following your kids' every move is not realistic. I think what I write mainly applies to families with kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OHNot4Me
Nowadays, you and they have Skype and other options for keeping in touch.
Well, Skype is going to do absolutely nothing when you need to suddenly pick up your grand child from school or day care due to some emergency. Or provide a back up care when a baby sitter is suddenly sick or otherwise not available and parents have to be at work...
my plan is to do anything within my power to make sure that my children dont move far away. if that means buying them houses nearby then i will buy them houses nearby.
We can barely afford to be here ourselves, much less buy houses for our kids!LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaverickDD
Licensed: Neither am I. Maybe he can solve his problem creatively?
My business address is still across the river in NJ. Goodbye licensing problem!
In our case that wouldn't work unfortunately. So Pennsylvania is out of the question unless we want to spend our lives on the road.
Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate
My husband did just that to me 2 years ago, moved us to south west FL.
Shortly after moving there he was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, I dealt with that for 13 months totally ALONE, no family, no friends. Yes, the kids came but they had their lives, children and jobs so it was hit or miss, a few days here a few days there.
He has since passed, I have been in NJ for last 4 months, after looking around, yeah more than likely could handle a small ranch but I can think of better things to do with my money.
As soon as this dam hurricane passes I will be going back to FL to list my property.
I've rented for Nov a great apartment in Sneads Ferry NC, much much more affordable, renting first to really check out area.
One days drive to NJ if I choose to drive versus flying.
So sorry to hear this! Hugs to you. This is my big fear. We love NC, I'm sure you will enjoy it there.
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We have only been back in New Jersey since March after being gone for 10 years. We simply don't want to be here (followed our kids). They have only been back here since January. We want to go to Raleigh NC but there is less than zip chance of us being together as a family if we do that. Our daughter is more likely to move back to Texas (because of her native Texan husband) if they leave here after getting a dose of reality when they go to buy a home here. We really don't want to go back to Texas. I guess we each have to live our lives and each go where we want to go. I'm just fairly new at this empty nest stuff and it's hard. And then there are the grandkids! Sigh! Thanks for all the input everyone.
I know very few people who married the person they dated in college. Neither my wife nor I are from NJ but we ended up here because, again, this is where our professions brought us. There are just more opportunities for people looking for jobs here, that's why peoples kids stay.
That's interesting
Almost everyone in my family married someone from college (or their high school)
And yes, the ones who went to college far away ended up living far away
Almost everyone in my family married someone from college (or their high school)
And yes, the ones who went to college far away ended up living far away
But maybe we are the outliers
Not necessarily, it's probably more about how you (and your spouses) see how your role models (parents) accomplished things. I have a childhood friend who met his wife at the same college his parents met at. This likely accounts for the large quantity of Southern and religious schools, where people are still in the same religion as their parents seeking a similar partner. Colleges in the South are kind of their own religion as well.
My family has just always been scattered to the winds, putting down roots where we can. I always marvel at people who move back near their parents just a few town away, we were so mobile when I was a kid (three homes by the time I was six) that I wouldn't know where to pick as home.
This is a tough one. It's the opposite situation for me. The only reason I am still in NJ is my parents. They plan on moving though and as soon as they do, I am out the door. They want to settle in Florida, which I do NOT want to live in. Wife and I are eyeing Dallas and Atlanta. To a lesser extent Austin, Nashville and Charlotte. Once we make a choice, we will try to steer them our way. We don't have kids yet, so hopefully making the move now instead of having them in New Jersey and raising them here will increase the chances of keeping them by our side. I grew up with my grandparents (both sets) thousands of miles away and it's terrible.
I agree with those that said to move to a neighboring state, such as PA or DE. Another option is South Jersey. Good luck!
Last edited by Busch Boy; 09-06-2017 at 04:17 PM..
Not necessarily, it's probably more about how you (and your spouses) see how your role models (parents) accomplished things. I have a childhood friend who met his wife at the same college his parents met at. This likely accounts for the large quantity of Southern and religious schools, where people are still in the same religion as their parents seeking a similar partner. Colleges in the South are kind of their own religion as well.
My family has just always been scattered to the winds, putting down roots where we can. I always marvel at people who move back near their parents just a few town away, we were so mobile when I was a kid (three homes by the time I was six) that I wouldn't know where to pick as home.
I see your point. It definitely is about what your parents did as well. And what your parents endorse, whether overtly or subconsciously.
I think when your kids go out-of-state for college though, versus let's say Rutgers or whatever, it's far likelier they don't come back, whether because they met a spouse from somewhere else or got a job or whatever. As you said, they can start to see "home" as there, or maybe somewhere else.
that has definitely been a thought that we have had. im not really sure which nj university i would want my kids to go to though. id rather they didnt go to nyc.
Dad you said you wanted me to go to Princeton!
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