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I have a black friend like this. Hes a successful guy who owns a number of businesses. Except he ignores black women all together. He calls them monkeys, talks **** about their hair..and its like dude..they look like you lol. Id call that self hate. If a full black girl approaches him in a club he will outright act as if she isnt there and walk away
Thank You for another example.
Exactly what I'm talking about. It still does exist.
Come on... What she has expressed is the truth about the overall issues surrounding darker shades of black women in the dating world. I have a cousin who is very dark and quite gorgeous. She has natural long hair, almond shaped eyes, a size 2 figure and absolutely radiant clear skin. She has a beautiful personality, which further radiates her beauty. My lighter cousins that are around her age are simply not as pretty in the face, and do not have the same idolized figure, (they also wear weaves), but yet many black males routinely seek them out for long term relationships. While my beautiful dark cousin who is in college actually expressed to me that she was having issues dating black men at her school.I really couldn't believe this because one would think that she would be the most sought after girl on campus given her looks and overall personality.
I had to give her some real advice. I told her to stop associating with the black guys on her campus who expressed any color issues. I also told her to expand her dating pool and stop associating with people who sought to limit her options, while exploring all of their options. Lastly, I recommended that she take advantage of studying abroad, so that she could start socializing and really learning about different types of people outside of the U.S. She chose to study abroad in Accra, Ghana and in Paris, France.
Currently, my cousin has a great boyfriend (he is not black), whom I absolutely adore. I really can't say enough good things about him; he's a catch. While visiting her in Paris, I noticed that she was always getting approached by all different types of men, who were very much interested in dating her. Her study abroad experience will be coming to an end soon, and she is not looking forward to returning to her university in the States, but she has to, to complete her degree. After she completes her degree, I know that she plans to return to Paris to complete her masters.
My lighter cousins are simply not in her league. I was so happy when my cousin, who thinks that she is the greatest thing since apple pie visited her in Paris and received not nearly the same level of attention. Let's just say that she couldn't wait to return back to the states (LOL). I think it was a wakeup call for her, because she has become quite spoiled, due to the colorism hierarchy that is very much in place and practiced by many Black American males.
THANK YOU finally what I'm saying is not falling on deaf ears. It's like everyone doesn't want to acknowledge this sad reality to save face for the ignorant ways of some Black men. I'm over sugarcoating things I'm all here for calling people out on their BS. Either way, now y'all see why I don't have as much luck with some Black men (particularly darker skinned Black men), as many of them say the most heinous things about Black women. I'm gonna assume because they are insecure and have self-hatred issues, but that has nothing to do with me. I love my skin and love being Black I wouldn't have it any other way and refuse to deal with any man who has self-hatred issues, regardless of race.
I have a black friend like this. Hes a successful guy who owns a number of businesses. Except he ignores black women all together. He calls them monkeys, talks **** about their hair..and its like dude..they look like you lol. Id call that self hate. If a full black girl approaches him in a club he will outright act as if she isnt there and walk away
Exactly I know a lot of Black men like your friend why can't everyone see how this kind of mentality is off? Why is it okay for people to slander Black women but I bet if people did it about any other group of women it would be an issue? But that's none of my business....
I think you're being naive to assume that skin color holds no weight or significance in the dating patterns of some Black men. Like I said before, this has nothing to do with ME, this is about the oh so common ignorant preferences that some Black men have. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna assume that you're not Black, so you're not privy to the clear history and legacy of colorism in Black culture and how deeply engrained it is still to this day.
NYWriterdude is a black male but he is gay. That probably explains why he doesn't see it. He's not looking
THANK YOU finally what I'm saying is not falling on deaf ears. It's like everyone doesn't want to acknowledge this sad reality to save face for the ignorant ways of some Black men. I'm over sugarcoating things I'm all here for calling people out on their BS. Either way, now y'all see what I don't have as much luck with some Black men (particularly darker skinned Black men), as many of them say the most heinous things about Black women. I'm gonna assume because they are insecure and have self-hatred issues, but that has nothing to do with me. I love my skin and love being Black I wouldn't have it any other way and refuse to deal with any man who has self-hatred issues, regardless of race.
There is a documentary that came out recently about colorism in the black community. I didn't get a chance to see it yet though:
And this person isn't a quiet person who hides his inner thoughts. He is very outspoken.
He will screw black women but will not marry one or get into a serious relationship with one. I know his because of his actions. So yes. That is a form of SELF HATRED in my book.
I'm talkin about self hatred among black/afrodescent people not whites or Asians. Yes there are blacks who still have a pathology like this in 2015
And no I'm not a delusional person who thinks just because someone dark dates someone light they have self hatred issues if that's what your thinking. He openly and candidly expressed his sentiments.
These are the worst and lowest kind of men in my books. So Black women are good enough to screw but not take seriously to date or marry? GTFOHWTBS! Sick bastards I swear. Not every Black men who dates lighter skinned Black women is self hating, but some men like who you mentioned who feel a need to openly express their biases against darker skinned Black women need to be castrated. Call me harsh, but I'm not here for people bashing my kind for no reason.
NYWriterdude is a black male but he is gay. That probably explains why he doesn't see it. He's not looking
No that is not why I don't see it.
I am Black and I am gay,and I honestly mostly interact with non Blacks both at work, socially, and who I hook up with.
Colorism in the Black community is moot to me when I'm around non Blacks a lot, who are not going to go out of their way to distinguish between "light" skinned Blacks and dark skinned Blacks.
I actually have hooked up and dated with men of all races. But at least as far as gay bars in Manhattan go, where there are FEW Blacks WHO has time for stupid BS like this one does or doesn't like light skinned people.
I think you're being naive to assume that skin color holds no weight or significance in the dating patterns of some Black men. Like I said before, this has nothing to do with ME, this is about the oh so common ignorant preferences that some Black men have. I cannot think of any other group of men who berate and blatantly discriminate against their own kind of women with the same frequency as Black men. If you look at the vast majority of Black couples, the woman is lighter than the man (my parents being one), or the same complexion. You don't see Black couples where the man is lighter than the woman as often for a reason. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna assume that you're not Black, so you're not privy to the clear history and legacy of colorism in Black culture and how deeply engrained it is still to this day. Look, growing up as a dark skinned Black women, you have to have tough skin. I have to believe I'm awesome and beautiful, because it's not like I'm gonna hear others tell me that with as much frequency as my lighter skinned or non-Black counterparts. Does that mean that I'm moping at home beating myself up thinking that no one will ever love me or be with me because I'm a dark skinned Black woman? Hell no! I know damn well I can have a man who honors and respects me for WHO I AM. But I'd be stupid and living in a fantasy to try to deny or ignore that in some circles, some Black men would not even give me the time of day because they're sipping the Koolaid of White supremacy that places a Eurocentric image of femininity as the ideal woman.
I have known Black couples where the man is lighter than the woman, including in my family.
You just have issues.
So what if some Black men won't give you the time of the day? Do you want every Black man up inside you? How many men do you need?
There are some people who won't give me the time of the day for whatever reason. Big deal I still get what I want.
You won't find Asian or white men online berating the women of their own race. You will however find this amongst many black American males. This is why people often attribute black American males as having self hatred issues. Additionally, I don't think many black American males (amongst each other) will deny that they have a preference for light/biracial, Hispanic or white women. The same males will go on and on about how they should have a right to their preferences, but rarely do they respect women who may not have a preference in black males.
One of my close friends is Latina. She primarily dates Puerto Rican men (because as a fellow Puerto Rican, she prefers the men in her culture over other cultures). Obviously, Puerto Ricans come in many different colors. She has fair skin like Jennifer Lopez and has dated Puerto Rican men of every hue. My friend however has had a lot of issues w/ black American guys getting upset that she wasn't interested in dating them. She's been called racist, and all other names, for simply having a preference for the men in her own culture/Ethnic group.
I have read similar accounts from biracial or Asian women who will complain that a number of black males will call them racist, if they are not interested in dating a black guy.
Obviously, this was an extreme case, but why couldn't this guy just understand that Asian women were not obligated to date him.
Well if someone likes someone and the other person isn't attracted to them there is NOTHING they can DO but MOVE on to the NEXT person.
And yes these men do have the right to their preferences, as do the women.
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