A few general comments for your consideration.
Size-wise, Buffalo>Rochester>>Syracuse.
Buffalo is 2-1/2 hours away from Syracuse, and Rochester is right in the middle between them.
Buffalo has historically been the most urban of the three cities and was among the 10 largest cities in the US in the early 20th Century. It is the most "major league" of the 3 cities, still with NFL and NHL teams. Buffalo also has the busiest airport (about 2x the passengers of Tulsa or Rochester airports) with the most flights.
Music, arts, medical care, etc can be found in spades throughout NYS. There should be no issues wherever you choose. Each city has significant medical facilities. There are also large universities in each of the cities, including medical schools. Buffalo and Rochester have professional Symphony orchestras, and each city also has a music school (UB and Eastman) that also have regular performances.
NY cities, except for NYC, have not significantly grown comparable to Oklahoma or other sun belt areas in the last 50 years, so things like "new" or "fast growing" are on a much much smaller level here. There are some slightly growing areas, but no boom town areas like you may be familiar with. Places tend to be very very stable, however.
Climate is similar in each of the cities. But as has been noted by others, there can be very very significant local differences due to microclimates - for example some areas east and north of Lakes Erie and Ontario receive much much greater amounts of snowfall than other areas. Areas just north of Buffalo, for example, may get 50 inches a year while areas south may get 200 a year on average. This is similar to areas near Rochester and Syracuse, though totals may vary. Also, summertime temperatures near the lakes may average several degrees cooler than inland. Buffalo, for example, has never had a 100 degree day, but a few miles further east likely surpassed 100.
As I live in Buffalo, here are my top recommendations to you based on your criteria:
- City of Buffalo, North Park neighborhood. This would be the area adjacent to Hertel Avenue between Main Street and Delaware Avenue. Not a suburb, but may be considered similar to a "streetcar suburb" developed in the early 20th Century. Walkable, diverse, family friendly. The majority of the housing are doubles or multi-unit (usually of 2 or 3 bedroom each, and may include yards and off street parking), and some apartments. Very popular area with young couples, families, students, etc. Metro buses available, plus additional city services if special transit needs. Very safe, but a few regular street people here and there.
Still changing a lot, but here is a video from a few years ago:
North Buffalo
- Town of Amherst, specifically the Village of Williamsville, or the Hamlets of Snyder or Eggertsville - basically the areas that follow along Main Street (Route 5). Amherst is the largest suburb, and is connected by public transportation to the city network including metro rail, that can take you to downtown Buffalo and the Medical Center. These areas also have walkable core areas, and Amherst has been called out many times as among the top 10 safest places in America. UB main campuses is also located in Amherst, so lots of artsy stuff. Big caveat is that most apartments may not be readily located within walking distance of public transportation.
As it says, video from 2018:
Amherst named #1 place to live in NY State
- City of Buffalo, Elmwood Village neighborhood. The most walkable, most diverse, one of the most interesting neighborhoods. Will be pricier the North Park, and may not get as large an apartment. But it is in the city, and has everything that a walkable city neighborhood should be. Pride parade follows Elmwood Avenue toward Allentown (Allentown is the tradition LGBT community, just south of the Elmwood Village neighborhood). Slightly more petty crime here, harder to find parking, etc. Generally its the kind of place that on first visit you want to live there.
A little old and hokey, but here is a video.
Elmwood Village - We are NY
A couple of other places to consider:
- Village of Kenmore - immediately north of Buffalo, very walkable downtown area, access to Metro Bus routes to downtown Buffalo and crosstown.
- City of Buffalo - North Delaware/Black Rock - basically the section of Elmwood between North Park and Elmwood Village - all the bus connectivity, many new apartments converted from former industrial, close to walkable areas like Amherst Street, slightly "better" area than working class Black Rock neighborhood.
- City of Tonawanda/City of North Tonawanda - neat suburban area near the canal, access to metro bus to downtown Buffalo, some reputation issue as being "too white" and all that goes along with that
I won't point to other suburban areas as transportation is your key, but generally the north town areas are fairly well connected to the rest of the city, and offer a good degree of safety and walkability.
A good video overview of Buffalo, a few years old now, as things are still changing for the better, but it capture the spirit of the place.
Buffalo: America's Best Designed City