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Deja Vu Again.....Maybe you ARE what she considers a "valuable" friend still...Like Prairieparson said...maybe she just bit off more than she could chew....ran out of time...whatever.....but I'm not surprised to hear that once again facebook has thrown a possible wrench into what sounded like a good friendship.
Deja Vu Again.....Maybe you ARE what she considers a "valuable" friend still...Like Prairieparson said...maybe she just bit off more than she could chew....ran out of time...whatever.....but I'm not surprised to hear that once again facebook has thrown a possible wrench into what sounded like a good friendship.
Thanks Pure,
I would like to think that's true and it seems like she has always treated me that way but there was no reason why she couldn't ask me to join the group.
Either way, I posted on her picture and said "What a shame, I am only up the street, hope you are having a good time"
She texted me with
Shoot girl,
"ended up coming to my best friend's house and drank three bottles of beer before we went out, totally forgot to text you. Sorry...""
I haven't responded. Especially since she still doesn't want to meet up. I don't see how you "forget" about somebody. She probably wouldn't have texted at all but because I made a statement on FB, she felt bad.
How do you forget about someone???? Really?
I guess that old saying applies "never make someone a priority that only makes you an option"
It's wierd but I'd cut her some slack and blow it off if you have no complaints about the friendship so far. Things happen and who knows what the other people that night were like, maybe they wouldn't have been welcoming of you or something. I know I have a couple freinds that really don't mix well, and I'm not saying it's YOU...it might have been something going on with one of the other gals.
My oldest friend would often visit my state to see someone else she had become close to (closer than me) and rarely did we get together. Recently that other gal moved to my town, literally 5 minutes away, and my old friend visits often but we only get together occasionally. I've never even met this other gal and my friend seems to want to keep it that way so there has been no getting us all together. I know there are personal issues going on there. Whatever, I'm just happy I get to see her more than I used to even if it's not every time she's in town.
I know your feelings are hurt, and I DO understand.
But there could be lots of reasons... maybe your not the type of person to get all wild with a night out with the girls, or she didn't feel like having someone new in the group (you have to take time to make sure they are having fun), or her attention is spread with the girls she came with and the friend.. and genuinely forgot. Maybe thought that lunch today would be a better option to catch up?
I think the FB post makes it sound like you think she is obligated to include you... and that's not good. I'm overly sensitive to that as I know someone who gets upset regularly if she is not invited to do something, and that fact makes me NOT want to include her in stuff.
I have friends who come into town and sometimes we see each other, sometimes there is no time (and yes, they are seeing other friends). It doesn't mean were not friends or don't care about each other, I'm still a priority, just not ALWAYS the top one at any given moment.
I know your feelings are hurt, and I DO understand.
But there could be lots of reasons... maybe your not the type of person to get all wild with a night out with the girls, or she didn't feel like having someone new in the group (you have to take time to make sure they are having fun), or her attention is spread with the girls she came with and the friend.. and genuinely forgot. Maybe thought that lunch today would be a better option to catch up?
I think the FB post makes it sound like you think she is obligated to include you... and that's not good. I'm overly sensitive to that as I know someone who gets upset regularly if she is not invited to do something, and that fact makes me NOT want to include her in stuff.
I have friends who come into town and sometimes we see each other, sometimes there is no time (and yes, they are seeing other friends). It doesn't mean were not friends or don't care about each other, I'm still a priority, just not ALWAYS the top one at any given moment.
Mikala,
She specifically told me she would call me when she was in my area visiting that friend. SHE told me that... so I was waiting for her call and kept my weekend open knowing this. Had she not said that, I would have never made that comment. So, she raised my expectations but fell short of them.
You may be right, I am the "older" married friend so perhaps I wouldn't fit into the "young-we-are-all-men-haters-right-now" crowd. But I am a very young at heart and she knows that... I have a young attitude.
Also, she hasn't made any future plans for the rest of the weekend so my guess is, I was never on the agenda. Which is fine but....
I've just been there for her so much with all her issues with her fiance... I feel like I am just there for only that. Perhaps since she has many friends, she could talk with them from now on. Or get a "paid friend" --->therapist.
I've just been there for her so much with all her issues with her fiance... I feel like I am just there for only that. Perhaps since she has many friends, she could talk with them from now on. Or get a "paid friend" --->therapist.
And she was there to help you during your divorce.
At 46 I have friends that I hang out with ranging from early 30s to mid-60s. Some friends I ONLY party with, others are mainly lunches to catch up, friends that we only get together for an exercise class..
I understand your feelings are hurt, and under the circumstances I might have felt the same way. But I would just write it off as 'stuff happens".
She specifically told me she would call me when she was in my area visiting that friend. SHE told me that... so I was waiting for her call and kept my weekend open knowing this. Had she not said that, I would have never made that comment. So, she raised my expectations but fell short of them.
You may be right, I am the "older" married friend so perhaps I wouldn't fit into the "young-we-are-all-men-haters-right-now" crowd. But I am a very young at heart and she knows that... I have a young attitude.
Also, she hasn't made any future plans for the rest of the weekend so my guess is, I was never on the agenda. Which is fine but....
I've just been there for her so much with all her issues with her fiance... I feel like I am just there for only that. Perhaps since she has many friends, she could talk with them from now on. Or get a "paid friend" --->therapist.
Deja Vu Again......."So I was waiting for her call and kept my weekend open knowing this"....therein lies your mistake...had you not done that...you would probably not feel so put out....I'm not saying what she did was fair.....it was kinda mean...I'd probably be quite dissapointed too....but not for long....lifes too short to hold grudges..Just keep it in mind so that next time she says she'll call..you'll not put off your day waiting for her.
You have a right to be hurt. But, I wouldn't do the guilt trip thing on a grown woman, what will it get you. She had plans to come to your area to see the friend she is spending time with. Your perception is that she is your best friend, but she was there, grew up there before meeting you in PNW, so this other gal may be her lifelong friend. You need to suck it up, and let it go. Maybe her other group of friends didn't want to share her w/ you. Not everything is about ourselves....so let it go for the sake of your friendship. If you can't than you will probably force the break. And, it sounds like maybe you should get out and do more w/ other friends. Hang in there....I might comment/like the pic...which will make her have enough guilt. But other than that, let it ride. Don't be "that" friend
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deja Vu Again
I have had a best girlfriend since 2005. We met up in the Pacific Northwest at the same company. I had been going through a wicked divorce and she helped me get out of a funk. Since then, we have always been close.
In early 2009, I moved to San Diego, it happened to be where she lived before she moved to the PNW. We stayed in contact after I moved. We talk on the phone at least once a week. She was about to get married and I was going to help her plan the wedding (down in San Diego), be a bridesmaid, etc. She and her fiance went through a rocky relationship for two years before they called it quits. When I visit up there to see my mother, I always make it a point to see her. She confides in me about many things she feels uncomfortable telling others and vice versa.
She is 33 and I am 42 but that has never really been an issue and in fact, she comes to me for advice.
Long story short, she told me she was coming down a couple of weeks ago to visit for Memorial Day weekend with a couple of girlfriends. She has another close friend that lives in the same city I do (in the northern part of the county) about a 25 min drive from San Diego where she is staying... She told me she would call when she was up in my area (at the same time she would see her other friend). Well, tonight, she was "tagged" in a picture in Facebook literally up the street from my house at a bar with a bunch of girls, including her other friend she wanted to see that lives near me.
Given she came to my town tonight, is hanging out with all the girls and didn't text or call, should I confront her? Wait until she calls me? She leaves on Monday (she flew in Friday), should I wait it out?
I would like to think that's true and it seems like she has always treated me that way but there was no reason why she couldn't ask me to join the group.
Either way, I posted on her picture and said "What a shame, I am only up the street, hope you are having a good time"
She texted me with
Shoot girl,
"ended up coming to my best friend's house and drank three bottles of beer before we went out, totally forgot to text you. Sorry...""
I haven't responded. Especially since she still doesn't want to meet up. I don't see how you "forget" about somebody. She probably wouldn't have texted at all but because I made a statement on FB, she felt bad.
How do you forget about someone???? Really?
I guess that old saying applies "never make someone a priority that only makes you an option"
This is what is wrong with society today. I'm sorry that happened to you, but posting notes on Facebook and her texting a message, don't you see the problem?
How about picking up the phone and calling? "Hey,Susan haven't heard from you, I assume you made it down here OK, please give me a call"(if you get VM).
Things are so out of whack now, people have to post photos of themselves at bars like they're celebrities...WHO CARES? LOL.
Yet they can't seem to pick up a phone and just talk.
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I've been through it too.
