Best friend came to my city but never called - How to handle it? (girlfriend, person)
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I have had a best girlfriend since 2005. We met up in the Pacific Northwest at the same company. I had been going through a wicked divorce and she helped me get out of a funk. Since then, we have always been close.
In early 2009, I moved to San Diego, it happened to be where she lived before she moved to the PNW. We stayed in contact after I moved. We talk on the phone at least once a week. She was about to get married and I was going to help her plan the wedding (down in San Diego), be a bridesmaid, etc. She and her fiance went through a rocky relationship for two years before they called it quits. When I visit up there to see my mother, I always make it a point to see her. She confides in me about many things she feels uncomfortable telling others and vice versa.
She is 33 and I am 42 but that has never really been an issue and in fact, she comes to me for advice.
Long story short, she told me she was coming down a couple of weeks ago to visit for Memorial Day weekend with a couple of girlfriends. She has another close friend that lives in the same city I do (in the northern part of the county) about a 25 min drive from San Diego where she is staying... She told me she would call when she was up in my area (at the same time she would see her other friend). Well, tonight, she was "tagged" in a picture in Facebook literally up the street from my house at a bar with a bunch of girls, including her other friend she wanted to see that lives near me.
Given she came to my town tonight, is hanging out with all the girls and didn't text or call, should I confront her? Wait until she calls me? She leaves on Monday (she flew in Friday), should I wait it out?
It does hurt. I have several long term friendships. I've known one woman for 35+, another for 28 & 17+ years. I speak to all of them on a weekly basis. Even had a recent problem with the 28 year friendship.
I wouldn't call. Your hurt now and that will affect how you speak with her. Wait until she contacts you, and then tell her your feelings. Who knows what she was thinking. It happens to the best of us, we are human and not always considerate or kind.
Given she came to my town tonight, is hanging out with all the girls and didn't text or call, should I confront her? Wait until she calls me? She leaves on Monday (she flew in Friday), should I wait it out?
I have had a best girlfriend since 2005. We met up in the Pacific Northwest at the same company. I had been going through a wicked divorce and she helped me get out of a funk. Since then, we have always been close.
In early 2009, I moved to San Diego, it happened to be where she lived before she moved to the PNW. We stayed in contact after I moved. We talk on the phone at least once a week. She was about to get married and I was going to help her plan the wedding (down in San Diego), be a bridesmaid, etc. She and her fiance went through a rocky relationship for two years before they called it quits. When I visit up there to see my mother, I always make it a point to see her. She confides in me about many things she feels uncomfortable telling others and vice versa.
She is 33 and I am 42 but that has never really been an issue and in fact, she comes to me for advice.
Long story short, she told me she was coming down a couple of weeks ago to visit for Memorial Day weekend with a couple of girlfriends. She has another close friend that lives in the same city I do (in the northern part of the county) about a 25 min drive from San Diego where she is staying... She told me she would call when she was up in my area (at the same time she would see her other friend). Well, tonight, she was "tagged" in a picture in Facebook literally up the street from my house at a bar with a bunch of girls, including her other friend she wanted to see that lives near me.
Given she came to my town tonight, is hanging out with all the girls and didn't text or call, should I confront her? Wait until she calls me? She leaves on Monday (she flew in Friday), should I wait it out?
I'm very hurt. Would would you do?
Yes, this type of thing has happened to me before and there isn't much you can do about it. If you contact her and face her with the fact that you saw her on facebook, it could start a big squabble that would end your friendship totally. I have had FAMILY in the area here and they don't come near me after having flown all the way from California to visit with other family members. Was raised with 4 sisters so you can imagine the tangled messes that occur from time to time. Ahhhh, Facebook strikes again. Facebook is fun but it has now made any kind of "down time" you want a public affair. I go on Facebook but with an open mind that at any time someone will "tell" I am on there or will "tell" I am talking to someone they don't like..more trouble than it is worth lately. Let sleeping dogs lie. If she wants to get in touch with you, she will and if not then wait for her to call you to explain howcome she didn't come see you. Hurtful for her to do?? Yes, but she doesn't really owe you or any of her other friends a visit and should be able to come and go as she pleases..You too!! Leave it alone and see how long before she does contact you. Trust me, she knows she messed up by not calling or coming to see you..let her stew in it for a while.
Thanks for your reply Pammy. My plans were to actually wait and see if she called. She only has today left. It just doesn't make any sense since she was literally up the street from my house.
There is no logical reason in my mind that she wouldn't call and say, "hey, I'm in north county, I am at (insert place) come join us!" We even discussed that if she was up in this part of the county, to call me when she meets up with her other friend.
She may not realize she was even tagged in Facebook yet... so not sure if she realizes she did screw up as you say.
Either way, I guess it's better to know the answer on how someone feels about you and where you stand in their life then to think you are a valuable friend to someone. While hurtful, at least now I know.
Given she came to my town tonight, is hanging out with all the girls and didn't text or call, should I confront her? Wait until she calls me? She leaves on Monday (she flew in Friday), should I wait it out? I'm very hurt. Would would you do?
I don't think "confronting" is ever a good approach to solving a conflict. Given the nature of the friendship, I understand you feeling hurt, but maybe you should set that aside and give her the benefit of doubt.
In your shoes, I would probably send a non-confrontational email saying something like: "Hey, missed you last night! Saw your pic on FB and it looked like you were having a great time. Hope we can get together the next time you are in town."
It gives her a chance to explain the circumstances from HER perspective, and leaves the door open for more great visits in the future.
Hurts are never solved by hurting, but by love alone are healed.
Long story short, she told me she was coming down a couple of weeks ago to visit for Memorial Day weekend with a couple of girlfriends. She has another close friend that lives in the same city I do (in the northern part of the county) about a 25 min drive from San Diego where she is staying... She told me she would call when she was up in my area (at the same time she would see her other friend). Well, tonight, she was "tagged" in a picture in Facebook literally up the street from my house at a bar with a bunch of girls, including her other friend she wanted to see that lives near me.
Given she came to my town tonight, is hanging out with all the girls and didn't text or call, should I confront her? Wait until she calls me? She leaves on Monday (she flew in Friday), should I wait it out?
I'm very hurt. Would would you do?
I'm sorry. That sucks. This kind of happened to me recently, but it wasn't a best friend and it was a woman that did it to me.
She might have been partying with a bunch of people who are not the same age/style as you, and thought you'd be an odd addition. She might have been having such a good time, it slipped her mind.
I would be offended too if my best friend did this to me. But this is how most people operate. They put themselves first before their friends. It is not unique.
My best bud would make it a point to visit me and call me first when he comes up to NYC and he lives only 2 hours away! But he is unique. All of my other friends, sometimes I feel like I could fall of the face of the Earth and they would barely notice. Most of the people I know don't have a good best friend. I'm just lucky.
Anyway, you seem like a good loyal person. Just wait it out and see if she calls you. Be a little diplomatic about it. You have to understand this is the way most people are. You may have also overrated your friendship and how much she really values you. It's OK. I've been there.
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Most of the people I know don't have a good best friend. I'm just lucky.
