Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Now seriously. I'm going to have knee surgery 2 weeks from now and I've decided not to tell anyone besides a friend. This friend is the one who's going to take me to the hospital, then pick me up and spend a few days at my house to help me out.
I'll have to stay 4 days in the hospital because I can't leave the bed (there must be minimal movement). I already hate hospitals so I need peace and quiet to be able to rest and recover. I don't want any visitors, just my iPod and my books.
If I told my mother she would panic and think I'm on my death bed. She would ask a million questions, she would want to take care of everything and find faults in every single detail of the process. I know she has good intentions but she would just make me more anxious. I couldn't care less about the surgery or dying, but this is still my first surgery and the first time under general anesthesia.
My friend is being an incredibly generous guy because he's leaving his wife and kids to stay with me after the surgery (my single friends are all gone now). I'll need help to go the toilet, change clothes, etc. My housekeeper takes care of the meals. After that I'll probably have no other choice but to ask my brother for help because I don't want to mess up with my friend's life too much (and my brother is married as well).
I won't tell my mother after the surgery as well because otherwise she would spend everyday doing what she likes: bossing around my house, bashing my housekeeper's work, putting everything the way she likes, etc.
However, I wonder if she would be a bit mad at me if she ever finds out. My father doesn't usually care about anything I do but this time I think he would because he's a retired doctor and always likes to accompany family members in their medical issues.
Based on what you mentioned, I can understand you not dealing with her. I suppose she will get upset but in the long run she will get over it since she loves you.
Would you be upset if she did not tell she got operated? I venture to guess you would and ask why? She may ask you why you did not tell her so maybe you need to find a nice way to tell her so.
I do not subscribe to the you are an adult so don't have to tell her anything just like that as if they were some neighborg next door. Yes you are an adult and you have no obligation. However, I also count that family is important to people and nothing wrong to think about them on how they feel if somethin affects your life and wanting to know how you are doing. It may not be an obligation per say in the sense that you are mandated to tell her. I do not know what is the right word to use that there is some type of obligation that I feel we have towards our loved ones even though we are adults. In that sense I see our society has changed a lot. Parents today are not treated with the same respect and consideration as in the past, at least that is my observation. I suppose it is the attitude with which people address this issue that is different, not so much not the action. Take care.
so, when you get to the hospital and they ask you for next of kin what are you going to say? would you even want your parents to know you croaked during surgery or just let them figure it out when they can't get you on the phone?
Don't mean to be morose but you do know going under any anesthesia can be risky and you will have to sign all sorts of papers in the hospital. at least list your parents for notification.
I don't think I understand your question but yes, 'these days' we live in a highly sexualised society and it's not really the brightest thing to go around telling everyone you're 36 and a virgin. I don't discuss my private matters with anyone though.
Based on what you mentioned, I can understand you not dealing with her. I suppose she will get upset but in the long run she will get over it since she loves you.
Would you be upset if she did not tell she got operated? I venture to guess you would and ask why? She may ask you why you did not tell her so maybe you need to find a nice way to tell her so.
I think she would be okay if she ever found out (but there's no need for her to know after everything is finished), even though she might be a little upset.
Yes, I would understand perfectly if she decided not to tell me about her surgery because she knows I would worry and working long hours everyday I wouldn't be able to help her much and I would feel frustrated.
so, when you get to the hospital and they ask you for next of kin what are you going to say? would you even want your parents to know you croaked during surgery or just let them figure it out when they can't get you on the phone?
Don't mean to be morose but you do know going under any anesthesia can be risky and you will have to sign all sorts of papers in the hospital. at least list your parents for notification.
They can have my parents phone number if they really need that. But they already know that I have an adult to take me to the hospital and pick me up when I get discharged. Everything else is none of their business. My friend has my parents number and they also have his number, so it would be fine anyway.
Yes, I'm very aware of the risks and couldn't care less about them.
They can have my parents phone number if they really need that. But they already know that I have an adult to take me to the hospital and pick me up when I get discharged. Everything else is none of their business. My friend has my parents number and they also have his number, so it would be fine anyway.
Yes, I'm very aware of the risks and couldn't care less about them.
If there are complications during your surgery and recovery (infection, blood clot, heart problem, etc.) will your friend be able to stick by your side and help you deal with it all - paperwork, nursing facility placement, at home care, etc. Or....will your friend be getting on the phone and calling in your family to deal with it all? Also, what is your back up plan should your friend get sick and/or have some sort of personal emergency? It happens.
It sounds as if you have all of your ducks in a row as long as your surgery goes well, this friend comes through for you and recovery takes place within a certain time frame. But....If you would want/expect your family to step in if complications arise - then you *need* to tell them about the surgery, the sooner the better. That way, if things don't go as completely as expected, they won't be completely blindsided by the whole thing, which really wouldn't be fair to them. If you're concerned about them being overly intrusive, I suppose you could be vague about the time/date/location of the surgery and your recovery plans - but that might be easier said than done, I know.
Personally, if I were in your shoes I think I would tell my family. I would let them know that things were under control, recovery details were worked out and they'll be the first to know know how the surgery went, etc. If you keep them well informed in a take charge sort of way, they'll be less likely to butt in.
The odds are good that your surgery will go just fine. Best of luck and hope you heal quickly.
Last edited by springfieldva; 07-05-2012 at 03:25 PM..
I've already decided for the nurse option instead. It's all settled, I've already taken care of that. Now my friend will only take me to the hospital and then pick me up. So all those possible troubles you mention are gone.
I don't expect my family to step in if things go wrong. If I decided not to tell them, I'm also prepared to deal with the consequences of my decision. If there are complications I'll go back to the hospital, it's not rocket science. Besides, the good thing about being taken care of by professionals is that things are less likely to go wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva
If there are complications during your surgery and recovery (infection, blood clot, heart problem, etc.) will your friend be able to stick by your side and help you deal with it all - paperwork, nursing facility placement, at home care, etc. Or....will your friend be getting on the phone and calling in your family to deal with it all? Also, what is your back up plan should your friend get sick and/or have some sort of personal emergency? It happens.
It sounds as if you have all of your ducks in a row as long as your surgery goes well, this friend comes through for you and recovery takes place within a certain time frame. But....If you would want/expect your family to step in if complications arise - then you *need* to tell them about the surgery, the sooner the better. That way, if things don't go as completely as expected, they won't be completely blindsided by the whole thing, which really wouldn't be fair to them. If you're concerned about them being overly intrusive, I suppose you could be vague about the time/date/location of the surgery and your recovery plans - but that might be easier said than done, I know.
Personally, if I were in your shoes I think I would tell my family. I would let them know that things were under control, recovery details were worked out and they'll be the first to know know how the surgery went, etc. If you keep them well informed in a take charge sort of way, they'll be less likely to butt in.
The odds are good that your surgery will go just fine. Best of luck and hope you heal quickly.
This is just the sort of question you could ask your retired doctor father....
I would never ask him such things. Apart from that, if he knew = my mother would know = she would 'take care of everything'.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Where did I say that? It's not something to be proud of these days
