My family compliments my twin sister incessantly and not me (male, member)

[luckygirl15]

You know, I don't know why people do stuff like this. You're sitting there and all anyone is talking about is your sister? That's just rude.

I agree with the rest, that maybe your sister feels self conscious and your relatives are trying to make her feel better. But why do they have to? Is she 5? She is an adult and there are other more important things to talk about than what someone looks like.

Not much you can do except maybe change the subject? Good luck to you. Hope things work out.

[Pikake]

I don't have a twin but I do have a sister who is an angel at least in my family's eyes. When I was younger it hurt like a 3rd degree burn. I realized that my family dynamics do not define me and I don't let it anymore. I also live an ocean away from them so maybe that has helped.

My ears are no longer exposed to their gibberish.

Signed,

The Family Black Sheep

[xxbabeechick]

Originally Posted by SNAPOUTTAIT

if you were my relative and you made it a habit of sleeping with married men then i don't think i could have much respect for you. sorry, there's a word for that.

Why do people here love pulling things out of their arse? What married men am I sleeping with? And why would my aunts who I see three times a year know who I sleep with? Why even waste time typing this nonsense?

Originally Posted by MissNM

Is she perceived as being more insecure? It could be that you may be seen as the one who has it all "together" and they are just trying to make her feel better.

She's a very secure woman.

Originally Posted by luckygirl15

Not much you can do except maybe change the subject? Good luck to you. Hope things work out.

Thank you.

[miu]

Have you ever confronted your family as they are doing this? If you haven't, then just accept the way they are and move on.

As my mother and many other mothers have said to their children... "I love you all, but just differently." And what that means is that we are all unique individuals and with different personalities and traits. So naturally, while my mother loved all three of her daughters, she did have a different relationship with each of us.

So whatever reason, your sister has a closer relationship with your family than you do. You are not with any of them 24/7. You are not privy to all of your sisters interactions and phone calls with them. Maybe they go shopping together or use the same hair salon... so therefore they feel closer to her in regards to how she styles herself. And it does seem from your posts that you live more independently from your family, so it seems logical to me that they don't feel as closely bonded to you.

And how often do YOU sincerely compliment anything about your family members in terms of looks or anything else they do? Do you compliment your sister? Do you compliment how your aunts look? Or are you too busy thinking that you are the most attractive person in the room and should be noticed as such by them?

And maybe you didn't tell them about your boob job, but unless you are wearing super baggy and loose clothing around them, most likely they have noticed something different about your chest area, even if they thought it was due to a special bra...

[xxbabeechick]

Originally Posted by miu

So whatever reason, your sister has a closer relationship with your family than you do. You are not with any of them 24/7. You are not privy to all of your sisters interactions and phone calls with them. Maybe they go shopping together or use the same hair salon... so therefore they feel closer to her in regards to how she styles herself. And it does seem from your posts that you live more independently from your family, so it seems logical to me that they don't feel as closely bonded to you.

Actually I am privy to those things. My twin is my best friend and tells me everything. If we have to deal with our immediate family for any reason whether it be something flippant or serious we discuss it with each other. We kind of see each other as a unit.

Originally Posted by miu

And how often do YOU sincerely compliment anything about your family members in terms of looks or anything else they do? Do you compliment your sister? Do you compliment how your aunts look? Or are you too busy thinking that you are the most attractive person in the room and should be noticed as such by them?

Where is this nonsense culled from? I'm bitingly insecure and I think I'm the most attractive person in the room, wonder how that works? Everyone that interacts with me on a daily basis knows I have an eye towards making other people smile. I know how compliments can boost sour moods (and my aunts are pretty sour people). My sister and I morever have the kind of relationship that we are constantly ribbing each other on our appearances as well as complimenting each other. There's zero competitiveness in our relationship.

Originally Posted by miu

And maybe you didn't tell them about your boob job, but unless you are wearing super baggy and loose clothing around them, most likely they have noticed something different about your chest area, even if they thought it was due to a special bra...

I don't know if you noticed, but I'm black...if my family noticed anything they'd be the first to confront me about it in the loudest, most embarrassing way. I remember when one of our cousins was using a skin-lightening lotion, one of their first comments to her, "You look really light! Wonder how that happened?" with another of our aunts muttering, "Well I can't judge, I was young once too."

That said, I don't know why my boob job would make a difference in how they treat me, I paid for it with my own money and I'm an adult.

[AK-Cathy]

That said, I don't know why my boob job would make a difference in how they treat me, I paid for it with my own money and I'm an adult.

In theory true, but people judge regardless. As I said in an earlier post, their dishing out compliments to sis right and left with nary a word to you may be a covert form of their disapproval indirectly. As you said, the Aunties are sour, maybe more towards you than your sister since they shower her with compliments?

Again, since you have a very open and confidential relationship with your sister, I'm sure this has come up since it is important enough of an issue to post on CD. What is her take on the situation? Her POV may prove important and it's a question that has been asked twice now with no response.

You seem to be a bright and articulate woman (if not attention seeking both positive and negative which may be the sole reason for this thread) and if I were in your family I would praise you for those qualities which are lasting. Work it out within yourself or with your sister's help. Good luck.

[SNAPOUTTAIT]

Originally Posted by xxbabeechick

Why do people here love pulling things out of their arse? What married men am I sleeping with? And why would my aunts who I see three times a year know who I sleep with? Why even waste time typing this nonsense?



She's a very secure woman.



Thank you.

apparently you only read what you want to read because you like to think that everything is about you. you are not always the center of attention that comment was not in response to YOU.

from what i understand with this forum, the rules are that we can't paste other threads otherwise many people would be able to justify what they say and why the responses are as such. i'm not trying to insult you or anything but people tend to make an inference about someone based on what they read. so, removing everything about your personal life that you've posted and not knowing a single thing about you, no one would be able to figure out why your relatives treat you so differently. no one here knows anything about you right? obviously your relatives know a lot more than we do.

[xxbabeechick]

I don't understand your point. Everyone can look at my posts, if they had the time on their hands and the inclination. What's beyond that is following my post history, and making bizarre accusations not factually substantiated by anything I've posted (I sleep with married men, I have sugar daddies). That suggests to me an obsession with me on that poster's behalf that they find the time to read all my posts (as they claim) and from that point they go on to completely recreate fictional scenarios based on them.


Sounds pretty nutty to me, I don't know.

[asitshouldbe]

Maybe she is going through some low self esteem issues, perhaps your sister confided in your mother and your mother spoke to your aunt about it. She does have 3 kids, that can do alot to emotionally tear you down and lose your own identity. They could be trying to build up her self esteem and not realizing they're tearing yours down. Speak to your mother.

[brokencrayola]

Originally Posted by xxbabeechick

Same people following me everywhere, predictably.



That's because you didn't actually read it, you just responded to what you wanted to hear.

Actually you are wrong, I read every word of what you wrote.