ATTN: Only Children! (jealous, wife, boyfriend, father)

[Forever Blue]

I'm an only child too. I have some questions regarding your life:

Do you feel generally happy in life?

Are you very close to your parents?

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends?

Do you know any other only children?

Any other comments?

My Answers:

Regarding happiness, overall, I guess I am...I certainly try to be!

My parents are still married. I'm very close to my mom, but my dad's always been a very difficult man to get along with, so after my childhood, I'm not so close w/ him, but of course we're nice to each other. My dad would still do anything in the world for me & I with him.

I don't have what you'd call close friends & it's pretty much been like that my entire life, since jr high school. I have a couple of pals/acquaintances, meaning, I may meet up for lunch with someone every so many months...that's it. One friend & I also email each other maybe every couple of months, but there's no one I talk on the phone with. I do have a longtime boyfriend, which I'm glad about. We see each other almost daily. I don't mind dolitude....it's what I'm used to.

I recently met another only child through work. She's a few years older than I & lives alone as well. She doesn't seem to have too many friends either. She's talked of a friend or two that live far away who she hardly sees. She's got the type of personality of someone I could be friends with socially, so we'll see. Other than her, I never really met any other only children in my life as I recall.

My overall thoughts: It is what it is. Sure,I wish I had a couple close pals who are close enough to go on little fun trips together, but, what can you do?

[jasper12]

Do you feel generally happy in life? I guess so, it is what it is.

Are you very close to your parents? Not really.

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends?
I am solitary, and prefer it that way.

Do you know any other only children? I was married to an only. We really had no family, no cousins, no aunts, uncles, brothers, or sisters. Pretty isolated.

Any other comments? I think sometimes, I am a bit "socially retarded" about things people with siblings "get" automatically. In any crowd, I am always the outsider. Which is okay.

One thing I have noticed, about people who have siblings, is that it is not always what "onlies" think it is. Some sibllings, never talk to each other, let alone are friends. And others, have so much competitiveness, I am glad to not have to compete with anyone.

[fallingwater]

Well I can only respond to being the parent of an only child, if that helps. Its nice to hear that an only child grew up to be a happy functioning adult because as a mother of an only child, I have had quite a few people tell me over the years I have done my son a great disservice. He will be lonely, spoiled and so forth. On the flip side I have had people express jealousy on how close we are as a family. My son actually enjoys our company and he is a teenager. The age of where a lot of kids cant stand their parents. When I was my son's age I hated being around my parents. My son has friends but not a best friend. He is social and has no problems showing up at the football game by himself. He says he will find someone there to hang with and he does. He exhibits far more confidence in this area than I ever did at his age. The thought of showing up alone wouldn't of happened in my case. Or maybe that is just a girl thing? I dunno.

My son does quite well conversing with adults and most adults that meet him praise how easy he is to talk to and how articulate he is. I think at times he struggles more with kids his own age. He has an old soul and not much of a risk taker. He also seems to understand how to distance himself from trouble. Earlier this summer he stopped spending time with a friend. When we asked him why he just said that they didnt have much in common. He later confessed that his friend was making poor choices and I suppose he was right because we just learned that former friend got expelled from school over drug use. This boy was an honor roll student and was praised greatly for it. Understandable, where we live there is a push for college education. If you are average then the light doesn't shine on you so much. My son has expressed that adults at his school are too easily impressed by good grades. He said some of the most reckless kids are honor roll students. While most were shocked that this other boy tested positive for drugs, my son was not. Sometimes talking to him is like conversing with a 30 yr old. My only concern is that he may be a little too straight laced for his age. Im not saying I want my son experimenting in dangerous behavior, I just dont want him feeling like he has been an adult all his life, if that makes sense.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by Forever Blue

I'm an only child too. I have some questions regarding your life:

Do you feel generally happy in life?

Are you very close to your parents?

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends?

Do you know any other only children?

Any other comments?

Generally satisified with life.

Close to my mother. My father is no longer alive and I was not close to him.

I prefer solitude.

I know other only children.

Other comment: My only child status was sadly made by the fact that my mother had a baby after me that died within a week of birth.

[chilaili]

My life is pretty good
I'm superficially close to my parents - they think they know me but they really don't and we never talk about anything meaningful
I am solitary by nature but I enjoy hanging with friends when I get the opportunity, which isn't often
I don't know any other solo children
My parents are both extremely controlling and self-absorbed. They do their best but I think my life might have been a tad easier if there were more of me so my parents could understand that whatever I did or happened to me wasn't such a HUGE deal.

[Mooseketeer]

Do you feel generally happy in life? No. I suffer from Chronic Depression due to long term health problems. Shall we say I am as happy as I can be, with a man I love and who loves me but my life is a dark tunnel of depression nonetheless. We have a very active life and I try my best to enjoy what I can. Happy though ? No.



Are you very close to your parents? I am estranged from both. My Mother left me and my Dad when I was under four years old so he raised me as a single Dad. He did a bloody good job too until I became a teen and then became extremely controlling, so much so I am now estranged from both him and my Mother. I still love my Dad though but it is better if we are never in the same room at the same time... It would get too explosive. I was disowned by him over 2 decades ago.



Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends?

I am indeed a lone Wolf so to speak except for my Husband who is my absolute rock and without whom I would probably not be here anymore. I prefer my own company, like silence and peace and quiet. The only reason I foray regularly into society is because I love cultural activities like the theatre, cinema, opera, concerts etc... I would much prefer if museums were attended by Dogs than people personally.


I do have quite a few friendly acquaintances and a couple of true friends but I am not by nature sociable and prefer a good book to the average human interaction. My Father was a Diplomat so growing up I moved around all the time ( almost 40 schools in total) , around the world and never got to really form bonds with other children being mostly surrounded by adults in my more "stable" environment of "home" ( various consulates). I am useless with children as I deal with them as I do with adults. I have no maternal instinct whatsover.



Do you know any other only children? Actually thinking of it I think I am actually the only person I know who is a single child apart from online acquaintances. And my Father and Mother.

Any other comments? Being a single child I feel has made more independent, I do not rely so much on other people for validation and do not feel I need a lot of friends or familial contact. People on the whole scare me a little , especially the party animal types who are constantly gregarious and sociable. I do not like loud and glaring environments. I do like to go out with friends once in a while but I would be content with only Hubby around most of the time. I often feel like a recluse but it does not bother me. My depression does not come so much from a lack of social interaction as much as the grief I feel towards my former healthy and active self and the frustration of being restricted in my life. I quite enjoy one on one contact or tiny groups but large groups of people really bother me. I start retreating into my shell and wishing I was on some desert Island !


Because of my Dad's job I can "play the game" of social interaction to perfection if I have to. I am I think friendly and warm to others and I always give people the benefit of the doubt. Let me down however and my trust is forever broken. I do not forgive easily and never forget.

I am reserved but amiable but if I need to be all smiles I can be that. It is not who I am but I was taught to behave, and think of others first and I always bear in mind that being depressed does not mean I can impose my issues on others. I take extreme pride in never inconveniencing people for example and am one of the most polite and etiquettte stickler I know. Something my Father taught me at an early age. I refute the idea of single children being more selfish. I am more insular and certainly more quiet but I am not selfish. I have many faults but this is not one of them. One can be a single child and articulate, thoughtful and kind. It irks me that this label is attached to single kids.

Basically ideally I like to live in my own little bubble but I can and will come out of it and participate, engage in a social dialogue and force myself to be more socially outgoing, especially as it makes my Husband's life more interesting. A cocoon is great but I accept that human beings are social animals and need interaction to be fully functioning IMO.

[90sman]

Originally Posted by jasper12

Do you feel generally happy in life? I guess so, it is what it is.

Are you very close to your parents? Not really.

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends?
I am solitary, and prefer it that way.

Do you know any other only children? I was married to an only. We really had no family, no cousins, no aunts, uncles, brothers, or sisters. Pretty isolated.

Any other comments? I think sometimes, I am a bit "socially retarded" about things people with siblings "get" automatically. In any crowd, I am always the outsider. Which is okay.

One thing I have noticed, about people who have siblings, is that it is not always what "onlies" think it is. Some sibllings, never talk to each other, let alone are friends. And others, have so much competitiveness, I am glad to not have to compete with anyone.

Do you feel generally happy with life? I didn't the past few years but I recently went on an anti-depressant and am feeling better about things. Depression apparently runs in my family.

Are you close to your parents? My mother and I don't get along. But I do get along with my father. I even view him more as a friend than my father.

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends? Generally I am. I like the peace and quiet. But when with friends, I prefer to only be with one or two good friends, rather than with a group.

Do you know any other only children?Only a couple, my Grandma was an only child and so is a cousin of mine. But I can't think of any other only children.

Any other comments? I do have an older half brother, who's 30 (I'm 19) and is my father's first child. But we didn't grow up together. My brother and his wife have three kids of their own.

It was sometimes lonely growing up as an only child. All of my friends, including my fiancee were close to their brothers and sisters and I wish I had that too. This is why I want to have 4 or so kids. I think it's important for kids to have siblings.

[lizzyst]

Do you feel generally happy in life? Very rarely do I feel happy with my life, but I think it's because of other circumstances rather than being an only child. For example, my family lost our farm, including our livelihood and home, when I was about 11 yo, so that had a big impact on our lives, emotionally as well as practically. That, more than being an only child, determined my outlook on life and probably made me very pessimistic, along with bad choices in my personal life since that time. I do think it made me somewhat thinskinned and unable to defend myself with aggressive personalities.

Are you very close to your parents? My parents have died, but I was close to them both. They were older than the norm, especially in my area of the country. I always felt loved, cherished even, though my father especially wasn't really demonstrative--and that was due to his upbringing. He was a great letter writer, however!

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends? Now I prefer the solitude. I've had people tell me they can't stand to be alone--I can't understand that at all. A few of my cousins were out and out resentful and mean to me just for being an only child. Growing up, I was curious about having siblings, but since what I really wanted was an older brother and that wasn't going to be--I didn't worry too much about it. Throughout my life, I had a few close friends and didn't worry about being popular either. As others have stated, I've seen enough sibling rivalry, outright hostility, jealousy with adult siblings and estrangement, to realize having brothers and sisters isn't so always so great! I like being independent and making my own way in life, even though I might have wished for someone to talk things over with, especially when my parents were older and tough decisions had to be made with respect to healthcare, living arrangements, etc.

Do you know any other only children? My cousin, with whom I am close, were both only children. Didn't know very many other only children growing up. I have one daughter and one granddaughter, so it's our family tradition.

Wanted to say thank you for bringing this up--in my experience, not often do people really want to know these type of things. They just think only children are spoiled, lonely or just plain weird or asocial ~ the stereotypical thinking!

[Easybreezy]

Originally Posted by Forever Blue

I'm an only child too. I have some questions regarding your life:

Do you feel generally happy in life?

Are you very close to your parents?

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends?

Do you know any other only children?

Any other comments?

My Answers:

Regarding happiness, overall, I guess I am...I certainly try to be!

My parents are still married. I'm very close to my mom, but my dad's always been a very difficult man to get along with, so after my childhood, I'm not so close w/ him, but of course we're nice to each other. My dad would still do anything in the world for me & I with him.

I don't have what you'd call close friends & it's pretty much been like that my entire life, since jr high school. I have a couple of pals/acquaintances, meaning, I may meet up for lunch with someone every so many months...that's it. One friend & I also email each other maybe every couple of months, but there's no one I talk on the phone with. I do have a longtime boyfriend, which I'm glad about. We see each other almost daily. I don't mind dolitude....it's what I'm used to.

I recently met another only child through work. She's a few years older than I & lives alone as well. She doesn't seem to have too many friends either. She's talked of a friend or two that live far away who she hardly sees. She's got the type of personality of someone I could be friends with socially, so we'll see. Other than her, I never really met any other only children in my life as I recall.

My overall thoughts: It is what it is. Sure,I wish I had a couple close pals who are close enough to go on little fun trips together, but, what can you do?

Another only child here.

Yes, I am generally happy with my life.

Both of my parents are now deceased, but I was very close to both of them. I ended up being a primary caregiver for my mother for a number of years. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world, as it opened the door for a new career for me.

I find that I can tolerate solititude better than those from larger families. Just more accustomed to it, as even in childhood we onlies often had to entertain ourselves. However, I do have friends and interact with them on a frequent basis. I have noticed that at times, my feelings can easily be hurt, and that I can be overly sensitive to what I perceive people "think" of me. As I've gotten older, this has gotten easier, but I still on occasion get this overly sensitive feeling.

Yes, I have met a number of only children. My very own mother was an only child. So I'm the only child of an only child. Most other only children I've met seem reasonably well adjusted.

Comment: Most people don't know I'm an only child, and are surprised to learn that information.One question that peeves me is people throughout the years ask me, "Did you miss having brothers and sisters?" How could I possibly miss something that I never had! I have no point of reference for comparison.

[D. Scott]

A good thread. I am an only child, And unfortunately both may parents have been deceased since 1985. I actually always wished I had a sibling so i would have had some support as the family is very small as it is. I did surround myself with some close long time friends who are great people. My life was not easy having no parents or immediate family members close by and had to fight through some very bad life wars, mostly on my own and having family would meant none of these battles would have come up in the first place. It takes a lot of effort not to walk around bitter after these experiences.