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For my part I'd really love to be with people and included in the circle, but that's not my portion in life. It never has been. I've been the social outcast since my earliest memories going back to kindergarten, for reasons I have never yet been able to fathom, and I'm now pushing 60. Pushing it rather hard in fact.
Yeah, it's sad that people like us are alone, and trust me we are not in denial about it, we are just being realistic about it. I suppose I could go with my friend that I live with to have Christmas dinner with his family, none of whom will talk to me beyond a fake smile and quick superficial chat, and who's ex hates my guts and will get in her nasty digs at me out of his hearing, but I hope I may be excused if I would rather remain home alone and forgo having that experience again this year.
Disclaimer: I am not endorsing the assumptions of the OP; in fact I do not agree with his assumptions. However, I can't help but wonder how you know the smiles you encounter are "fake". Could it be that the "quick" nature of the chat is a result of the negative vibes you yourself are giving off? How else can we start out with someone we don't know other than "superficially"? We can't very well ask a stranger, "Tell me about the most painful thing you've ever experienced in life". Any conversation is a two-way street and one side of the encounter, including body language and tone, influences the other side. Is it possible that the person who approached you with intentions that were at least outwardly friendly felt rebuffed?
The trite and corny cliché "It takes two to tango" nonetheless contains a lot of truth.
A lot of the sad people on this board who boost that they don't need to be with people on the holidays are in denial and are so very sad.
Really sorry..I have spent many Christmases doing the house shuffle, listening to family fight, having to eat when I am full already and being exhausted. I am only off ONE day and don't want to take my vacation days to make a 12 hour drive one way.
You are such an a jerk making assumptions on people that you don't know a thing about their personal life or circumstances!
AND if I had more vacation time and the money to fly to visit my mom in Arizona. I would be there in 3 seconds.
Disclaimer: I am not endorsing the assumptions of the OP; in fact I do not agree with his assumptions. However, I can't help but wonder how you know the smiles you encounter are "fake". Could it be that the "quick" nature of the chat is a result of the negative vibes you yourself are giving off? How else can we start out with someone we don't know other than "superficially"? We can't very well ask a stranger, "Tell me about the most painful thing you've ever experienced in life". Any conversation is a two-way street and one side of the encounter, including body language and tone, influences the other side. Is it possible that the person who approached you with intentions that were at least outwardly friendly felt rebuffed?
The trite and corny cliché "It takes two to tango" nonetheless contains a lot of truth.
This was expected. It's the old blame the victim game in which so many are so eagerly searching the forums for targets. Please do tell me all about my "negative vibes" that you have contrived to attribute to me. I am most interested in how you will substantiate this accusation having never met me.
How else can we start off with another we just met? How about genuine human warmth? How about being open to them as a person in their own right? How about with a genuine interest in who they are as a human being? How about with sincerity? I've not seen that in a very long time, and your post presents a good reason for why that's so very lacking in what society has become. It's so very easy to cast aspersions on those who are hurting, we make such convenient and vulnerable targets, don't we?
The smell of blood is in the air, TALLY HO!!!!
Yes, I've lived with that all my life. One more reason I keep to myself.
The posters who said that being alone is not always the same as being lonely are right, in some cases.
When I was at my in-laws for Thanksgiving and it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop both my wife said we never felt so alone in a room full of people we knew. The only sound was the fingers on a SmartPhone.
Sounds like you enjoyed it so much you're going to do it again on the 25th.
I hosted Christmas every year except two since I was 17 y.o. Five sons, then their spouses, and then their offspring, then their spouses or SOs. I did the cooking, cleaning, decorating, baking, buying gifts, wrapping gifts, etc, etc, etc. As the years passed, some members were insistent on having the kind of celebration they wanted as opposed to the one I offered. When I reached the age of 77, I decided that I'd had enough fun for one lifetime and it was time to give someone else a crack at it. So I declared there would be no gathering at Grandma's for Christmas.
There was some grumbling, but I stuck to my guns and last Christmas for the first time, I did what I chose. I had a visit from one son, his wife and their daughter. (They had spent the morning serving Christmas Breakfast to some "lonely" people.) The rest of the day, I enjoyed the quiet, ate cookies, wrapped a gift for one of my grandchildren, and then went to my youngest son's home to have dinner with his family.
I am not in denial about the difference between "lonely" and "alone". I'm very content to be alone. I have more opportunity than not to interact with others, and I do it when I choose.
Just so you're aware, I'm retired, live alone, and while I choose to forego the Christmases of the past, I'm not a Scrooge. I hung a wreath on the door and put some of my favorite seasonal decorations around. Actually, I have several Christmas items that are out year-round because they are so meaningful to me.
OMT: Nobody else took a crack at it. Guess it was just too much work for the youngsters.
I have not been part of an extended family get together for Christmas or Thanksgiving since 1992. During 1993 my parents, sibling and I moved to a new state, a trend that has affected all branches of my extended family. As a consequence of these relocations option two in the poll has become the norm for the various branches of my original extended family.
Now my parents live in an area where weather often presents challenges in December so we have an agreement where our immediate family must get together for Thanksgiving but Christmas is optional. Most years Christmas is nothing more than a bonus day off for me. This is not a big deal to me as I celebrate Thanksgiving with family, New Years Eve with friends and the office Christmas party usually falls somewhere in between. There is plenty going on this time of year even if I do nothing on Christmas itself.
This year my parents have voiced the desire to visit my house for Christmas, weather permitting. I have setup some decorations for the first time since 2001.
This was expected. It's the old blame the victim game in which so many are so eagerly searching the forums for targets. Please do tell me all about my "negative vibes" that you have contrived to attribute to me. I am most interested in how you will substantiate this accusation having never met me.
How else can we start off with another we just met? How about genuine human warmth? How about being open to them as a person in their own right? How about with a genuine interest in who they are as a human being? How about with sincerity? I've not seen that in a very long time, and your post presents a good reason for why that's so very lacking in what society has become. It's so very easy to cast aspersions on those who are hurting, we make such convenient and vulnerable targets, don't we?
The smell of blood is in the air, TALLY HO!!!!
Yes, I've lived with that all my life. One more reason I keep to myself.
I should have been clearer that I was raising my points as possibilities, not as something which I had any way to know about. I did phrase them as questions ("Is it possible...?"), but obviously that was not enough. So the "negative vibes" that I mentioned were not actually an "accusation", and I certainly agree with you that never having met you, the comment was in the arena of speculation.
Your over-reaction to my post is rather instructive, I think. You posted yourself that you have spent a lifetime on the outside looking in, as far as human interactions go. Therefore, I retain my suspicion (note that word, please: "suspicion", not at all the same as certitude) that your own attitude contributes to it. What I am wondering is how the VAST majority of other humans which you have encountered in life can be such insensitive, superficial, and essentially hostile people. Yes, there are those insensitive, superficial, and essentially hostile people out there, no question about it. But I have not found them to be in the overwhelming majority. Why would that be?
I really regret that you felt attacked, and that I contributed to your hurt, perhaps by my own failure to word my post in a more nuanced way. That failure my be continuing right now, but my writing skills are what they are, i.e., not nearly Nobel Prize level.
Wow! "The smell of blood is in the air," you say! That is not at all how I conceive of this conversation.
I will likely be alone. I just moved and don't know a single neighbor yet. Unless an old neighbor invites me, I'll be alone. I'm not organized yet to invite people here. I don't even have table space.
I don't mind being alone. I've been alone, by choice, for years and years. Just me and my pets. I rarely get lonely. I see so much dysfunction and honestly, I'm grateful to not have that in my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now
Introverts can be social loners who are friendly and outgoing if they are with the right people who they enjoy and give them positive reinforcement. The family is not giving them the reinforcement so they avoid the interaction and ACT like they prefer to be alone on Christmas. How sad!
FYI: There would not be so many posters trying to justify that they don't want to be with friends and relatives if it was really true. They are just trying to spin a sad situation!
lol. I'm just glad I don't have to spend time with someone like you.
And this is why I love being alone. People who judge introverts and think there's something wrong with us because we don't act like they want us to.....oh how I love NOT interacting with them. Wouldn't you other introverts agree?
I'm not an introvert by any stretch of the imagination BUT I like myself well enough that I don't mind spending time...a LOT of time...in my own company. I can't remember the last time I was bored, lonely or unhappy. Long long time ago for sure.
I'm not an introvert by any stretch of the imagination BUT I like myself well enough that I don't mind spending time...a LOT of time...in my own company. I can't remember the last time I was bored, lonely or unhappy. Long long time ago for sure.
I am an introvert but I feel like I am morphing a little towards a middle ground. That being said, my current home was a foreclosure and I have enough things to do around the property that I feel like I could keep myself busy for thirty years or more ... and then there is City-Data.
I should have been clearer that I was raising my points as possibilities, not as something which I had any way to know about. I did phrase them as questions ("Is it possible...?"), but obviously that was not enough. So the "negative vibes" that I mentioned were not actually an "accusation", and I certainly agree with you that never having met you, the comment was in the arena of speculation.
Your over-reaction to my post is rather instructive, I think. You posted yourself that you have spent a lifetime on the outside looking in, as far as human interactions go. Therefore, I retain my suspicion (note that word, please: "suspicion", not at all the same as certitude) that your own attitude contributes to it.
Best of luck to you sir....
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for one lifetime and it was time to give someone else a crack at it. So I declared there would be no gathering at Grandma's for Christmas. 
