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It is amazing how much time I spend talking to people I just don't like. They are family members, neighbors, coworkers, people who are in a number of civic groups I participate in, etc.
They are generally not mean or angry people but there is something about them that causes our socializing to be unsatisfying or just plain miserable. No chemistry, rudeness, lack of conversation skills, boring, talk too much, etc. For a variety of reasons I just don't like them.
My husband feels the same about a couple of his sisters. One time I was a little drunk and ran into his sister and she asked me why we never call them to socialize. Because I was a little drunk, I was so honest. I looked at her in the eye and said, "it is because my husband and I don't like you." We have not heard from her since. I wish it was so easy with everyone else.
Don't tell us we should just stop socializing with people we don't like. It is not that easy.
I look at it this way. I don't waste my energy worrying about people I don't care for.
At work, we're being paid to do a job. Part of that job means interacting with others ( unless we work totally alone.) Socializing with co-workers would mean going to lunch or dinner with them or seeing them after work. No one forces us to do that. Working with someone on a project, or just getting along with them in a work setting, is called being cordial and polite. It's not socializing. I don't see it as a big deal to be cordial and polite as this is necessary to do the job for which one is being paid. This is life.
Same with joining a civic association. People normally join these as they see a greater good from participating with these groups. Again all one has to do is to be cordial and co-operative to achieve whatever goals you're aiming at. You're not being asked to hang out with them at your home or spend your time outside of this group time with them. If it's really all that annoying, I would just drop out of that association.
With family, I'd just avoid those relatives whose company you don't enjoy. Put them in " wedding and funeral" association only mode. This is one area where you can really pick and chose the amount of time you spend with people. Put up boundaries and stick to them.
Same with neighbors- Keep it pleasant, polite and limited.
Then I'd move my emotional energy and physical time to socializing with those people I really do like and not worry about the others.
I refuse to waste my life spending time with people who are toxic, rude, obnoxious, loud or who don't like me.
I don't care if they are family, neighbors, co workers, friends, the guy down the road with the mangy looking truck.
Why would I go out of my way to be nice to someone who isn't nice to anyone?
I looked at her in the eye and said, "it is because my husband and I don't like you." We have not heard from her since. I wish it was so easy with everyone else.
Well you may have a very different situation than mine, and as a couple I know you can get corralled into social situations with people you'd rather avoid, but it really is just that easy, "hey, we just don't like you." It's a short and remarkably effective social tool. I've used it myself to great effect. They left me alone after that. The hardest thing about it is having the nerve to use it.
"It is amazing how much time I spend talking to people I just don't like. They are family members, neighbors, coworkers, people who are in a number of civic groups I participate in, etc. They are generally not mean or angry people but there is something about them that causes our socializing to be unsatisfying or just plain miserable. No chemistry, rudeness, lack of conversation skills, boring, talk too much, etc. For a variety of reasons I just don't like them."
You come off as rather abrupt and rude in this post. Is it possible that you're the common denominator, and that everyone else is actually nice?
Last edited by convextech; 08-18-2014 at 11:50 AM..
It is amazing how much time I spend talking to people I just don't like. They are family members, neighbors, coworkers, people who are in a number of civic groups I participate in, etc.
They are generally not mean or angry people but there is something about them that causes our socializing to be unsatisfying or just plain miserable. No chemistry, rudeness, lack of conversation skills, boring, talk too much, etc. For a variety of reasons I just don't like them.
My husband feels the same about a couple of his sisters. One time I was a little drunk and ran into his sister and she asked me why we never call them to socialize. Because I was a little drunk, I was so honest. I looked at her in the eye and said, "it is because my husband and I don't like you." We have not heard from her since. I wish it was so easy with everyone else.
Don't tell us we should just stop socializing with people we don't like. It is not that easy.
It's not that easy. You can't avoid them all. But you can control who comes into your inner circle. Nothing wrong with kicking family to the curb if they're toxic.
I am a member of a special-interest group that meets once a month, which I enjoy a great deal. (Think of it as something like a bird-watching group, or a beer-making group, for example).
There are two members in the group who I greatly dislike. They aren't overtly rude, but they just exude a negative vibe that I find a complete turn off.
Unfortunately, I really like everyone else in the group.
I've struggled to tolerate the presence of these two. And they tend to show up every month (they are a married couple).
At a recent meeting, as the man spoke, I practiced just being completely detached while I listened to him speak. I just let his words enter my ears and then pass through, as if I didn't even hear them. This approach seemed to work fairly well, and I plan to apply it next month when he and his wife will be there.
I would love it if they would quit the group, but its doubtful they will.
Don't tell us we should just stop socializing with people we don't like. It is not that easy.
But you managed to do just that with your SIL!
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