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Do you want your sanity? Do you want a life? Or do you want to be a bitter, angry, resentful person who ends up with no friends and no life because of this? This will eat away your life if you let it. You'll up going down a lonely, dark path.
Move on! Put your big girl/boy panties on and be done with this mess! The longer you drag it out the worse things will be.
Let go. Forget you have a sister. If she ever contacts you and needs something, pretend you don't know her.
Move on. Be happy in life. Clearly, you're not happy. Yes, you were hurt, but getting back at her by damaging her car won't fix the problems. It will land your butt in jail. If this feud is worth jail, then by all means continue this behavior.
One of my older brothers owes me over $6k for various loans over the years. I never expected the money back and I am definitely not ever getting it back because he passed away from a brain tumor 10 years ago next month.
My point is, the money is gone but I would forget all about it if I could have my brother back.
You can let it go without forgiving someone. you're just giving yourself permission to move on and not be consumed by the crap. The anger and bitterness can destroy you even though you have every right to be pissed off. Someone told me "the best revenge is living well." Think about applying that to your own life.
The problem is that she was your "drunk sister" yet you were giving her the money to cover the bills when you should have been collecting the money from her and making sure the bills were paid. Drunks are not reliable people, I have them in my own family and trust them as far as I can throw my house.
This was two hospitalizations and two trips to recovery later. She had gotten clean and gotten a good job, was going to work every day. I was so proud of her to be back on her feet and not going to die a drunk.
But it is what it is. Just because she was sober, did not mean she had grown any on the inside. I have always been able to trust her with anything.
You can let it go without forgiving someone. you're just giving yourself permission to move on and not be consumed by the crap. The anger and bitterness can destroy you even though you have every right to be pissed off. Someone told me "the best revenge is living well." Think about applying that to your own life.
I have been having trouble with that, asking how can I forgive her when she does not even admit she has done anything that needs forgiving. But, the forgiving is not about her, it is about me. It's my process, right? Since I am the one being consumed by not forgiving her.
One of my older brothers owes me over $6k for various loans over the years. I never expected the money back and I am definitely not ever getting it back because he passed away from a brain tumor 10 years ago next month.
My point is, the money is gone but I would forget all about it if I could have my brother back.
It's really not about the money, it's about her pretending she did nothing, her telling everybody she supported me. I got a text from my ex husband it said, "get off your sister's ass and get a job, we are through, good bye"
If she would have just said, "look, I didn't keep track" or "I needed the money to pay for the motor for my truck" any thing, anything would have been fine. Just admit what she did and I would say the judgement was paid. The reason I have put so much effort into collecting the money is I feel it is the only way I can get any satisfaction or closure in a legal manner.
But, yes, I realize the money is gone. I'm sorry you lost your brother. I lost mine a few months ago.
Do you want your sanity? Do you want a life? Or do you want to be a bitter, angry, resentful person who ends up with no friends and no life because of this? This will eat away your life if you let it. You'll up going down a lonely, dark path.
Move on! Put your big girl/boy panties on and be done with this mess! The longer you drag it out the worse things will be.
Let go. Forget you have a sister. If she ever contacts you and needs something, pretend you don't know her.
Move on. Be happy in life. Clearly, you're not happy. Yes, you were hurt, but getting back at her by damaging her car won't fix the problems. It will land your butt in jail. If this feud is worth jail, then by all means continue this behavior.
LOL, well there has been no behavior, just thoughts of it. I think of all sorts of things, caused by the emotions that I could do, but as long as I can control how I act on my thoughts, or in this case, don't act, all will be alright.
See this is why I reach out to the forum, few good truthful comments, reality check, processing emotions..
all help from strangers.
Off topic, when my son was very young, 3 or 4, I had asked him to turn off the video game and get cleaned up for supper. He ignored me and continued to play, so I went into the living room and asked him again, turning off the game.
Oh, this made him mad. He came running into the kitchen yelling at me and pushed me.
I sent him to his room and he slammed the door on his way through.
We had a little talk about emotions, how all his emotions are real, they are all valid. I told him how he chooses to act on those emotions are what will get him into trouble, or allow him to succeed. I told him, never hit your mother, don't scream at me and don't slam the door.
A few weeks later, just about the same situation, but he walked calmly into the kitchen, he was holding his wrist while he was shaking a pointing finger at me, his face was all scrunched up, he calmly said, "I am just so mad at you right now" Then he turned and calmly walked to his room and quietly shut the door..
I very sincerely believe that people deserve consequences for bad behavior. I don't believe in letting things like a $9,000 debt slide. Screw the whole "it will hurt you if you don't just let it go." She deserves a consequence.
And I don't care if someone is blood related. People like your sister use that to their advantage. "But, you are supposed to put up with me and let me get away with murder, because we're family." Screw that, too.
I think that it's taking up too much of your time, though.
So, make sure it stays on her credit report. That will follow her around like the plague with new employers and any need for credit, etc.
And in most states, you can renew a judgment. In CA, for example, the judgment stays on a credit report for 10 years, then it can be renewed for another 10.
She can get out of it, though, if she files bankruptcy.
I think you should hire a collector, and let them deal with her. Since you are talking about a $9,000 debt, you should be able to find a collector willing to chase her down for a percentage.
It's not your fault that your sister is a narcissistic, user, sociopath. But, she is. I have a horrible family, too. When people ask me why I don't have anything to do with my family I tell them, just remember that Ted Bundy had a family, too.
And you don't have to let people use and abuse you because they are a family member with a hard luck story. Nope, bloodlines are no excuse in my book any longer. You don't get to abuse me, and I don't have to put up with it, just because we share some DNA.
I don't think you should talk to her friends and offer to split money with them. And i don't think you should contact people and tell them what she did. And the only reason is because the law has changed regarding libel and slander. It used to be that if you were telling the truth, you got a free pass to tell anyone the truth about someone. But, a judge recently decided that if your intent is to ruin someone's reputation, then you are guilty, even if you are telling the truth.
As someone else said, you don't want to do anything that will get you in trouble, yourself.
So, hire a collector, and buy a voodoo doll, and stick it every now and then. But, otherwise, move on.
I hope you can collect something from her before she files bankruptcy.
If she's file bankruptcy before, she can't file again for a certain number of years (depends if it's 13 or chapter 7). So, you can have that much time to hopefully, collect something through the collector.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. But, it was not wrong or stupid of you to do everything you did. You gave her a chance and you trusted her, until she blew that trust.
I hope she recently filed bankruptcy, so the collector has a lot of time to follow her and at least cause her some serious hassle. She won't be able to open a bank account, or it will be garnished. And that judgment will stay on her report until she files for bankruptcy.
Good luck to you. Sorry you lost your "idea" of having a nice sister. It's like a death you have to grieve. Been there.
She has never filed bankruptcy, she did owe taxes, but they were garnishing her wages during the time we were living with each other and she got it paid back. She does not own any property, no credit cards, she does have several hundred thousand, in medical debt. I believe I am the only judgment, as she worked something out with the landlord, so I was the only name on the eviction, even though we were both on the lease. The land lord kept my 2500.00 deposit, I only owed her for a few weeks rent. My attorney got the eviction taken off my record and the landlord had to take me to small claims. So, now I have a judgement as well.
Pardon all the ramble, I am venting through the keyboard.
I did manage to garnish her wages once and I even levy her bank accounts, but the Sherriff department messed up something and had to serve the papers twice. So, there was no money in there.
But its okay, she has had to take time off work to go to court, I managed to appeal the result of the hearing, even as the plaintiff. Is that determined or what.
The second hearing the judge gave the same judgement, as changing it would be like saying the first judge was wrong. Heaven forbid, when they have to work with each other.
Thank you for your response.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe
I very sincerely believe that people deserve consequences for bad behavior. I don't believe in letting things like a $9,000 debt slide. Screw the whole "it will hurt you if you don't just let it go." She deserves a consequence.
And I don't care if someone is blood related. People like your sister use that to their advantage. "But, you are supposed to put up with me and let me get away with murder, because we're family." Screw that, too.
I think that it's taking up too much of your time, though.
So, make sure it stays on her credit report. That will follow her around like the plague with new employers and any need for credit, etc.
And in most states, you can renew a judgment. In CA, for example, the judgment stays on a credit report for 10 years, then it can be renewed for another 10.
She can get out of it, though, if she files bankruptcy.
I think you should hire a collector, and let them deal with her. Since you are talking about a $9,000 debt, you should be able to find a collector willing to chase her down for a percentage.
It's not your fault that your sister is a narcissistic, user, sociopath. But, she is. I have a horrible family, too. When people ask me why I don't have anything to do with my family I tell them, just remember that Ted Bundy had a family, too.
And you don't have to let people use and abuse you because they are a family member with a hard luck story. Nope, bloodlines are no excuse in my book any longer. You don't get to abuse me, and I don't have to put up with it, just because we share some DNA.
I don't think you should talk to her friends and offer to split money with them. And i don't think you should contact people and tell them what she did. And the only reason is because the law has changed regarding libel and slander. It used to be that if you were telling the truth, you got a free pass to tell anyone the truth about someone. But, a judge recently decided that if your intent is to ruin someone's reputation, then you are guilty, even if you are telling the truth.
As someone else said, you don't want to do anything that will get you in trouble, yourself.
So, hire a collector, and buy a voodoo doll, and stick it every now and then. But, otherwise, move on.
I hope you can collect something from her before she files bankruptcy.
If she's file bankruptcy before, she can't file again for a certain number of years (depends if it's 13 or chapter 7). So, you can have that much time to hopefully, collect something through the collector.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. But, it was not wrong or stupid of you to do everything you did. You gave her a chance and you trusted her, until she blew that trust.
I hope she recently filed bankruptcy, so the collector has a lot of time to follow her and at least cause her some serious hassle. She won't be able to open a bank account, or it will be garnished. And that judgment will stay on her report until she files for bankruptcy.
Good luck to you. Sorry you lost your "idea" of having a nice sister. It's like a death you have to grieve. Been there.
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