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Well, with the medical bills, and the judgment from you, she'll file bankruptcy. Of course, she probably doesn't know she can do it herself, so she may put it off until she can afford to hire an attorney to do it for her.
When that happens, you'll have no choice but to let it go.
If you paid as agreed per the court with your court case with the landlord, there shouldn't be a judgment on your credit report. At least, as far as I understand it. If it is on your report, and you've paid it off, you can add a statement to your credit report.
Well, I hope you hire a collector to bug her until she files for bankruptcy. You won't be out of pocket. They just take a percentage, from what I understand.
I have been staking her out, attempting to follow her to her new job to garnish her wages again. She is so paranoid, I have been unsuccessful.
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I am so hurt, so angry about her whole attitude. If she had just offered me 20 bucks here and 20 bucks there, I would have been happy with her effort.
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I want to contact all her's and our friends and tell them, if they can talk to her, if they can get her to give me any money toward the judgement, I will split it with them.
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I want to go talk to some of her friends that she will be embarrassed to learn that they know what she has done, and ask them to talk to her. I think if somebody she respects tells them how they feel about what she is doing, she may feel guilty and make some attempt to pay me.
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I want to sabotage her car. I hope she needs a kidney and I am the only match.
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The more effort I put into finding where she works, she more defeated I feel. This has been bothering me since it happened, it's like a big open wound.
oh my my how much she owe you any way? I don't think I can be angry this much even she owe me millions. Do you know anything about KARMA. How people treat you is their Karma, react is yours-Wayne Dyers. If I were you I let it go from my mind completely and be happy with my own life. I know I can say that but it is hard to get it done.You are hurt that is true but still act like a wise woman. Staking is against the law. What you do if she press charges against you for staking and also But getting angry like this guide your self towards to a big disaster. Is there any bureaus that can chase your sister. Here we do. Just try something like that or forget it and move on. May be she has money may be she just scamming like she did to you. What ever the reason how far you drag how far your soul will running to the darkness.
Where are your parents? I don't mean to be well.. rude, but family issues really don't belong in court, you could destroy her entire financial future with what you are doing and behind what? An eviction and a few dollars rent? Maybe if you are that angry with her, you should try taking a step back, find solutions to more of your own problems and give her time to get her act together and pay you back properly.
It sounds like you've put as much effort into destroying her as an ex husband or wife.
But seriously, think about what you are doing. This will eventually eat you alive beleive it or not and if you have shared family, you are making her appear the victim which will only isolate you in the long run. How will you be able to look at her six years from now at a holiday dinner or feel if the family invites her and not you? Or God forbid the two of you have children and can't even share a birthday party or family outing because you are fighting over something as trivial as money. If the amount isn't leaving you homeless, jobless, penniless, or starving.. it sounds like you're on overkill and should stop while you can.
My advice: find a way to take a vacation, fix your priorities and if you have other family let them step in and help smooth things between you before you lose what's really important. If I had to guess all your whining about sis is going to get old really quick and you'll be the one needing that kidney. The best revenge is success so outdo her if need be but omg, stop yourself while you can.
I am constantly flabbergasted by people who believe that no matter what horrendous, nasty, mean, illegal things people who happen to be related to us do, we should give them a pass. Accidents of birth do not excuse behavior that we would not accept from others. (We are always screaming about "personal responsibility," but somehow many of us forget that when it comes to relatives.)
OP, I don't blame you at all for trying to get the money back from your sister. I'm not sure you'll ever be able to, but she should not be able to escape consequences for her theft.
(And BTW, I am not anti-family at all. I have many relatives that I love dearly ... because they are good, decent, hard-working people. If they were like the OP's sister, I would simply cut them out of my life. Good riddance!)
This was two hospitalizations and two trips to recovery later. She had gotten clean and gotten a good job, was going to work every day. I was so proud of her to be back on her feet and not going to die a drunk.
But it is what it is. Just because she was sober, did not mean she had grown any on the inside. I have always been able to trust her with anything.
Socal? this isn't about money anymore but betrayal on your part. Forget about the money and it is quite obvious that you love & care about your sister.
Everybody has issues within their families and sometimes no matter how hard you try? You can't "fix" people.
Step away for now.
Good luck
It is hard to swallow. That is why you should stop trying to swallow it. Spit it out; be done with it.
Believe me, I have been there -- more than once. It is a very very bitter pill, to be treated so badly, and unapologetically.
That is why, for your own sake, I am advising to do everything you can to see this as one of life's hardest lessons: we will not always be treated in kind for the good things we do. We will sometimes be betrayed by the people who should care about us, respect us, and love us the most.
This is a form of abuse. You were financially abused. Your trust was abused.
You have every right to be angry; and you have been furious. Righteously indignant! And with every reason to feel that way!
The anger will overshadow the joy in your day. It will pop up and strangle you. It will make you want to do things to "make it right."
You can't make it right. Your sister has chosen her path.
As Maya Angelou told us: "When a person reveals himself to you, believe it." (close paraphrase). Your sister has revealed herself. You know who she is now. Go your own way . . . she has to live with herself and you DESERVE MORE than what the anger is doing to you, internally. You are the one paying for her bad deeds!!!! Think about that!!!!
She has gone on her merry way. She will pay in other ways. Keep your focus on your own spirit. Do not let someone else have this much power over your serenity.
I am so sorry. ((((hugs))))
This is excellent advice....
Taking it one step further, consider that YOU are also revealing yourself through your response. What do your actions say about you? Are you happy? At peace? Are you behaving with maturity or integrity? Are your actions attracting the right kind of people into your life?
May I suggest a book? Seven Habits of Highly Effective people. He talks about being enemy centered....
It's clear you need to write off your sister from your life. Stop communicating with her and change your phone numbers. Just live your life like she does not exist anymore. If she ever needs help in the future, deny helping her. In the larger scheme of things $9,000 isn't that much money. You need to realize that the person loans made to a family member have to be treated like a gift when the family member refuses to pay you back. Learn from your mistakes. Never co-sign for anyone. Never loan out money again, unless you don't need to have the money paid back to you. The $9,000 you lost was the price you paid to learn this important life lesson.
Clearly, you cannot afford to loan out money. Instead, concentrate on improving your life. It sounds like you are living close to the edge since you became homeless as a result of your willingness to loan money. Improve your job skills, earn more money, and live below your means. You will then be able to improve your life and protect yourself from money problems and becoming homeless again.
Sorry love but this could have all been avoided if you had handled the money. You knew going into this that she was irresponsible and couldn't be trusted. Giving money to someone like that is like giving alcohol to an alcoholic. Have a sip but don't drink too much is usually a recipe for disaster. I'm wondering why you agreed to give her back some money through the court as well? If you were serious about her making restitution then why wouldn't you get every dime as soon as possible, especially if you put so much effort into garnishing her wages? You seem like a nice person, maybe too nice. You need to figure out what you really want. If it's the money then pursue it like a lioness protecting her cubs. If you're looking for some sort of decency and respect from your sister then you're living in a fools paradise. Leopards don't change their spots. Either make it a business transaction or cut your losses and eliminate a very destructive, toxic person from your life. Some day this will be a distant memory. Until then try not to let emotion cloud rational thinking.
I know you all are right. I just can not believe she would do something like this to me. I helped her when the world turned their back on her. I trusted her. I keep asking myself, What did I do? If she hated me so badly, she should have just left alone, call me up and ask for my help then rip my world apart. It's hard to swallow.
Thank you.
OP, you started your post with my drunk sister lost her job and got evicted. So you ended up signing a lease together and YOU let her be in charge of paying the bills. It should have been the other way around. Just because she got sober doesn't mean she all of a sudden became responsible.
Sorry this happened, but what were you thinking when you let her be in charge of the bills and paying the rent, you should have handled that.
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Originally Posted by anifani821
It is hard to swallow. That is why you should stop trying to swallow it. Spit it out; be done with it.
Believe me, I have been there -- more than once. It is a very very bitter pill, to be treated so badly, and unapologetically.
That is why, for your own sake, I am advising to do everything you can to see this as one of life's hardest lessons: we will not always be treated in kind for the good things we do. We will sometimes be betrayed by the people who should care about us, respect us, and love us the most.
This is a form of abuse. You were financially abused. Your trust was abused.
You have every right to be angry; and you have been furious. Righteously indignant! And with every reason to feel that way!
The anger will overshadow the joy in your day. It will pop up and strangle you. It will make you want to do things to "make it right."
You can't make it right. Your sister has chosen her path.
As Maya Angelou told us: "When a person reveals himself to you, believe it." (close paraphrase). Your sister has revealed herself. You know who she is now. Go your own way . . . she has to live with herself and you DESERVE MORE than what the anger is doing to you, internally. You are the one paying for her bad deeds!!!! Think about that!!!!
She has gone on her merry way. She will pay in other ways. Keep your focus on your own spirit. Do not let someone else have this much power over your serenity.
I am so sorry. ((((hugs))))
This is the best advice on here.
If you could transfer the feelings and the physical toll this takes on the person causing the angst that would be great, but you can't, it eats you up inside and they don't feel a thing.
You end up with the ulcer, not them.
And many times once the parents are gone and you have a sibling like this the best thing to do is just cut ties.
Be thankful she will be on the other side of the country.
You forget what happened. That is the past. You start from today at rebuilding your life. You learned a lesson that many times family does not care how much they hurt others in the family. You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends and the life you want to live.
Here is what you do:
Sit down away from others in a nice quiet place that you can get away from the world. Think about what you want out of life. Write everything down that would make the perfect life in your eyes. The kind of people that you want to associate with, the kind of place you want to live, the kind of house that you want to own (Realize I said own because you can do just that.) (It is your life you choose how you want to live it.) What ever you want write it down and create the new you. If you have any thing about your life that you hate make sure that those things are not a part of your ideal life.
Anything that keeps you from meeting the above goals has to get out of your life. You now have no room for it. If part of your ideal life is to live healthier then any Pepsi or Coke can not be tossed down the drain.
If you owe money you want to contact anyone that you owe and create a plan of action on how you will pay them off.
You need to work on making your life your own and making a plan of action is peramount to your happiness.
A few years ago, my drunk sister had lost her job and been evicted. I let her move in with me. I eventually had to move from the house I was living in, after 5 years. My sister had stopped drinking and gotten a job, so we discussed if we were going to continue living with each other, we agreed to and rented a place with a one year lease.
Long story short, she moved out before the lease ended, the money I had been giving to her to pay my portion of the shared rent and utilities was not being used for those things.
I ended up getting evicted as I could not afford to catch up, then pay the full rent and utilities on my own.
I took her to court and sued her, not for the money so much, but because of her attitude. She told everybody we know, that she supported me and she paid all the bills.
I won a judgement in court. She even said, "Take me to court, if the judge says I owe you, then I will pay"
I have had to garnish her wages, she quit her job. She has been avoiding me and evading me and putting great effort into not giving me a dime.
I recently learned that she has bought a new car and is getting ready to quit her job and move out of state.
Clearly she has money if she can afford to do this.
I have been staking her out, attempting to follow her to her new job to garnish her wages again. She is so paranoid, I have been unsuccessful.
She would most likely just quit her job anyway. She is leaving to move all the way across the country sometime in October.
I am so hurt, so angry about her whole attitude. If she had just offered me 20 bucks here and 20 bucks there, I would have been happy with her effort.
I want to contact all her's and our friends and tell them, if they can talk to her, if they can get her to give me any money toward the judgement, I will split it with them.
I want to go talk to some of her friends that she will be embarrassed to learn that they know what she has done, and ask them to talk to her. I think if somebody she respects tells them how they feel about what she is doing, she may feel guilty and make some attempt to pay me.
And I want to just go up to her house and ask her what the heck did I do to her for her to treat me in this way. Tell her I would like her to take me to her bank so she can give me some money.
I want to sabotage her car. I hope she needs a kidney and I am the only match.
The more effort I put into finding where she works, she more defeated I feel. This has been bothering me since it happened, it's like a big open wound.
How can I handle this and get some closure before she leaves to North Carolina. ?
Wheres the popcorn, this might get good.
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