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A few years ago, my drunk sister had lost her job and been evicted. I let her move in with me. I eventually had to move from the house I was living in, after 5 years. My sister had stopped drinking and gotten a job, so we discussed if we were going to continue living with each other, we agreed to and rented a place with a one year lease.
Long story short, she moved out before the lease ended, the money I had been giving to her to pay my portion of the shared rent and utilities was not being used for those things.
I ended up getting evicted as I could not afford to catch up, then pay the full rent and utilities on my own.
I took her to court and sued her, not for the money so much, but because of her attitude. She told everybody we know, that she supported me and she paid all the bills.
I won a judgement in court. She even said, "Take me to court, if the judge says I owe you, then I will pay"
I have had to garnish her wages, she quit her job. She has been avoiding me and evading me and putting great effort into not giving me a dime.
I recently learned that she has bought a new car and is getting ready to quit her job and move out of state.
Clearly she has money if she can afford to do this.
I have been staking her out, attempting to follow her to her new job to garnish her wages again. She is so paranoid, I have been unsuccessful.
She would most likely just quit her job anyway. She is leaving to move all the way across the country sometime in October.
I am so hurt, so angry about her whole attitude. If she had just offered me 20 bucks here and 20 bucks there, I would have been happy with her effort.
I want to contact all her's and our friends and tell them, if they can talk to her, if they can get her to give me any money toward the judgement, I will split it with them.
I want to go talk to some of her friends that she will be embarrassed to learn that they know what she has done, and ask them to talk to her. I think if somebody she respects tells them how they feel about what she is doing, she may feel guilty and make some attempt to pay me.
And I want to just go up to her house and ask her what the heck did I do to her for her to treat me in this way. Tell her I would like her to take me to her bank so she can give me some money.
I want to sabotage her car. I hope she needs a kidney and I am the only match.
The more effort I put into finding where she works, she more defeated I feel. This has been bothering me since it happened, it's like a big open wound.
How can I handle this and get some closure before she leaves to North Carolina. ?
Where are your parents? I don't mean to be well.. rude, but family issues really don't belong in court, you could destroy her entire financial future with what you are doing and behind what? An eviction and a few dollars rent? Maybe if you are that angry with her, you should try taking a step back, find solutions to more of your own problems and give her time to get her act together and pay you back properly.
It sounds like you've put as much effort into destroying her as an ex husband or wife.
But seriously, think about what you are doing. This will eventually eat you alive beleive it or not and if you have shared family, you are making her appear the victim which will only isolate you in the long run. How will you be able to look at her six years from now at a holiday dinner or feel if the family invites her and not you? Or God forbid the two of you have children and can't even share a birthday party or family outing because you are fighting over something as trivial as money. If the amount isn't leaving you homeless, jobless, penniless, or starving.. it sounds like you're on overkill and should stop while you can.
My advice: find a way to take a vacation, fix your priorities and if you have other family let them step in and help smooth things between you before you lose what's really important. If I had to guess all your whining about sis is going to get old really quick and you'll be the one needing that kidney. The best revenge is success so outdo her if need be but omg, stop yourself while you can.
Anger is like poison we swallow, hoping it will hurt the other person, but it only hurts us.
You are not going to get the money out of your sister.
You need to accept that, stop focusing on her betrayal and move on with your life.
If you continue the need to get revenge, it is only going to make you look imbalanced and mean-spirited.
Yes, she did you wrong. Yes, she should be ashamed. But evidently she isn't. So let it go.
Great advice. You have been betrayed by a family member OP, which is the most egregious betrayal of all, IMO. But while revenge might be momentarily satisfying, it could end up make you the bad guy. Cut her off, cut her out of your life, and move on.
Our parents are both deceased. She stole from me over 9000.00 during a 14 month period, true,my fault, I should have not trusted her to keep the money that was over what the bills were, I should have made sure the bills were being paid in full. I tried to talk to her about it for almost a year. I kept asking her, "Please add up the deposits, show me where I am making the mistake" I wanted to be wrong. The more I looked into it, by gathering up all her bank statements, the more she resisted.
She told me to "just take the eviction and use the money I saved to get another place to live." Her financial situation, well her credit report is terrible, she has hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid medical bills, she seems to think that medical care is free in this country.
She has no financial future. She sent me a text and told me to just take her to court, so I did.
Since our parents died, we do not do holidays with each other, as she has her grown children and their children.
It has been another year since I had to garnish her wages, she quit her job. Only after she appealed the garnishment. Stupid me, in court, I agreed to give her back half the money they had already withheld and I agreed to have only 50.00 per pay period withheld, rather then the 25% they were with holding.
I appreciate your input, so I apologize if I am sounding rude. But how many more steps back should I take. I realize I will never see the money. How hard could it be to offer me 10 bucks. Or maybe just say "I am sorry" or "Fu** You, your burnt" I would have much more respect for some attempt to take responsibility.
Yes, I am putting a whole lot of effort into this, as much as she is putting into avoiding me. She just bought a new car and can afford to drive across the country.. as you said, she is never going to pay me. She is using my money to move out of the state.
This situation did leave me homeless. I slept in my truck for several months because I did not have any resources left trying to pay the rent. I have two large dogs and no money saved. My options were to either take my dogs to the shelter, or move into my truck.
I have no family locally, my grandmother and some Aunts, they love us both and don't want to get involved.
And the kicker, she does third party collections, she is a debt collector.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jurogumo
Are you sure you guys are sisters?
Where are your parents? I don't mean to be well.. rude, but family issues really don't belong in court, you could destroy her entire financial future with what you are doing and behind what? An eviction and a few dollars rent? Maybe if you are that angry with her, you should try taking a step back, find solutions to more of your own problems and give her time to get her act together and pay you back properly.
It sounds like you've put as much effort into destroying her as an ex husband or wife.
But seriously, think about what you are doing. This will eventually eat you alive beleive it or not and if you have shared family, you are making her appear the victim which will only isolate you in the long run. How will you be able to look at her six years from now at a holiday dinner or feel if the family invites her and not you? Or God forbid the two of you have children and can't even share a birthday party or family outing because you are fighting over something as trivial as money. If the amount isn't leaving you homeless, jobless, penniless, or starving.. it sounds like you're on overkill and should stop while you can.
My advice: find a way to take a vacation, fix your priorities and if you have other family let them step in and help smooth things between you before you lose what's really important. If I had to guess all your whining about sis is going to get old really quick and you'll be the one needing that kidney. The best revenge is success so outdo her if need be but omg, stop yourself while you can.
I agree that your sister did a horrible thing to you. I'm not trivializing that at all, but I do think it might now be in your best interests to let it go. If you can't, consider getting some short-term counseling, maybe even taking a free or low-cost anger management class, just so you have some strategies for letting go.
There's no legal recourse at this point, and if you start venturing into things like vandalizing her car, you're treading into criminal territory and if caught, it will be you paying a very heavy price. It's not worth it.
I've found over the years that people who seriously messed with me had some truly bad things happen to them. All I needed to do was stand back and let fate smack 'em.
Perhaps you'll have the same luck, but I do recommend counseling of some sort if you find yourself sinking deeper into revenge mode.
Anger really is poison. Get enough of it in your system and I believe it opens you up to cancer and other garbage diseases.
I know you all are right. I just can not believe she would do something like this to me. I helped her when the world turned their back on her. I trusted her. I keep asking myself, What did I do? If she hated me so badly, she should have just left alone, call me up and ask for my help then rip my world apart. It's hard to swallow.
I know you all are right. I just can not believe she would do something like this to me. I helped her when the world turned their back on her. I trusted her. I keep asking myself, What did I do? If she hated me so badly, she should have just left alone, call me up and ask for my help then rip my world apart. It's hard to swallow.
Thank you.
It is hard to swallow. That is why you should stop trying to swallow it. Spit it out; be done with it.
Believe me, I have been there -- more than once. It is a very very bitter pill, to be treated so badly, and unapologetically.
That is why, for your own sake, I am advising to do everything you can to see this as one of life's hardest lessons: we will not always be treated in kind for the good things we do. We will sometimes be betrayed by the people who should care about us, respect us, and love us the most.
This is a form of abuse. You were financially abused. Your trust was abused.
You have every right to be angry; and you have been furious. Righteously indignant! And with every reason to feel that way!
The anger will overshadow the joy in your day. It will pop up and strangle you. It will make you want to do things to "make it right."
You can't make it right. Your sister has chosen her path.
As Maya Angelou told us: "When a person reveals himself to you, believe it." (close paraphrase). Your sister has revealed herself. You know who she is now. Go your own way . . . she has to live with herself and you DESERVE MORE than what the anger is doing to you, internally. You are the one paying for her bad deeds!!!! Think about that!!!!
She has gone on her merry way. She will pay in other ways. Keep your focus on your own spirit. Do not let someone else have this much power over your serenity.
The problem is that she was your "drunk sister" yet you were giving her the money to cover the bills when you should have been collecting the money from her and making sure the bills were paid. Drunks are not reliable people, I have them in my own family and trust them as far as I can throw my house.
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