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That's it....you are not a robot that has buttons people can push....
Like I hear in this Non-romantic Section so much.
You have so much power that if you focused you would be like a laser.
Someone can scream 4 inches from your face and fire you...and still you can walk away
feeling fine....come on, guys!
Relationships are inevitable on earth...learn no one controls 'you'...and your feelings.
There , thank you.
You're confusing feelings with actions.
Feelings tend to just happen. Their initiation is a reflex to external stimuli, like some jackarse screaming 4 inches from you, and as such, they are no more right or wrong than having the urge to sneeze if someone blows a handful of sawdust into your face. Indeed, biology would dictate the production of adrenaline in response to the attempted intimidation of a jerk screaming in your personal space, and most people would feel something negative, be it anger, fear, or shock. There is no weakness, fault, or moral failing in that.
It's really what you do with your feelings that matters. You can train yourself to ignore certain stimuli (screaming) or give no outward sign of what you are feeling inside so as not to land in jail for beating the crap out of him.
But I think that not allowing yourself to feel anger, sorrow, or other negative emotions at all is patently unhealthy. The mind is like the body: Pain is a sign that something is wrong. Shooting a joint up with cortisone may suppress the pain, but if the joint is misaligned, it's only a temporary fix and you keep grinding the joint down until you end up on a surgeon's table. So it is with repression, until one day, you land on a therapist's couch. Negative emotions can be used productively if channeled correctly, especially anger. Or as a friend once told me, "Angry people get stuff done."
So really, it's not that no one can make you feel something. It's that no one can make you DO something with that feeling.
Yup. When I had a boss do that one time (for something that wasn't my doing) all I could think was, "i've had better." Ho-hum, are you finished yet? My utter calm completely took the wind out of his sails in a hurry.
We can choose how to think/act/react/feel. Thanks for the reminder.
You're a better person than I am. I probably would have wrinkled my nose and offered him a Tic-Tac.
I think instead of posting lessons and lectures, its important to realize
that *most people* are doing the best they can at the time with the tools they have.
Exactly...
and here is another idea that may not have occurred to them....
that being,
"What? I don't have to feel mad or indignant...I can look at this as
more of a Buddhist observing the whole situation, hmm....sounds better than
going home and thinking about my mistake all night and adding to
the low self esteem I already have!!
I'll try it."
And by practicing, say, viewing the co-worker that ignores me, as not hurting me...We
begin to mature into seeing that maybe that co-worker has a husband that beats her,
a son that got expelled for a knife in his locker...and we turn things around to having kind,
compassionate feelings...
instead of being upset for weeks about that 'ignoring co-worker' everyone hates...'the nerve of her'.
We are in control of which feelings we allow in us...we have not been taught this
in America very much...certainly not in psychology courses.
But, if people want to hate, be angry, judge, be depressed over a relationship for 2 years
...knock yourselves out...those that would like to realize their power...
keep reading what I and others
suggest...and say, works for us.
Not so much. I have had better arse chewings when I was younger from a person I was way more vulnerable to. My manager seemed so impressed with his towering rage at the time that is was almost comical that he expected me to quake in fear with that virile display. Me, I am really good in crisis, any crisis. Time slows down and I hunker in letting things wash over. giving me time to process, see and think clearly. Frankly offering a mint would have been icing on the cake. I wish I would have thought of that.
Hi Lilac,
We may have had this conversation once before, or it was someone else here.
Just to say, with respect, No, I'm not confusing feelings with the reaction or action taken.
I'm talking about the initial feeling in our gut or heart or even first thought....
we can train ourselves to have our first thought (thus, feeling or emotion) to
be one of compassion and caring instead of feeling attacked, embarrassed, used and
abused, angry....we clearly can see where the other may be coming from...
A scenario...if they are angry at us...
ok...I don't have to absorb their daggers...the anger is their issue afterall...
I didn't intentionally make that mistake, for example....they decided to jump on me
instead of give me the benefit of the doubt...poor them to live in such anger, geeze....
it didn't have to be this way.
We can nip our icky feelings of shame, anger, jealousy, immediately with practice....
Soon you can feel anger for a day instead of 2 weeks....then you can feel
anger for a split second and laugh at it...silly anger...it gets us nowhere.
But, to do this a person has to value feeling good, being kind, understanding others' position.
It is being selfless, in a sense, yet, bec of feeling at peace ---it is actually selfish...practicing
thought control.
Hi Lilac,
We may have had this conversation once before, or it was someone else here.
Just to say, with respect, No, I'm not confusing feelings with the reaction or action taken.
I'm talking about the initial feeling in our gut or heart or even first thought....
we can train ourselves to have our first thought (thus, feeling or emotion) to
be one of compassion and caring instead of feeling attacked, embarrassed, used and
abused, angry....we clearly can see where the other may be coming from...
A scenario...if they are angry at us...
ok...I don't have to absorb their daggers...the anger is their issue afterall...
I didn't intentionally make that mistake, for example....they decided to jump on me
instead of give me the benefit of the doubt...poor them to live in such anger, geeze....
it didn't have to be this way.
We can nip our icky feelings of shame, anger, jealousy, immediately with practice....
Soon you can feel anger for a day instead of 2 weeks....then you can feel
anger for a split second and laugh at it...silly anger...it gets us nowhere.
But, to do this a person has to value feeling good, being kind, understanding others' position.
It is being selfless, in a sense, yet, bec of feeling at peace ---it is actually selfish...practicing
thought control.
I take it you've never been physically assaulted or emotionally abused. There are things in this life that if they don't make you feel angry--and I mean good and angry for a while, and not just "icky"--something is wrong with you.
You speak in absolutes about things for which there is a matter of degree.
I just don't get the point of these lectures people give on here. Really...I just don't get it. If you have something to add to someone's post, or share an experience that worked out for you, cool. But...when did someone ask you to conduct a class on how people should feel...or what ever the lecture of the day is.
We control our actions which includes how we react to people. Feelings on the other hand are natural and that includes sadness and anger. While I don't think it's healthy to dwell on negative feelings, they are normal and I see no reason to try and erase them.
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