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My initial thought after reading your post was "must be nice."
But then again, maybe not.
I long considered a weakness in myself, that is, that I cry easily, I am hurt to
the core when someone attacks me verbally,...
Hi kayanne,
Now, remember, I'm not implying to be a heartless unfeeling machine!
Ha! On the contrary...feeeeelings are what we are about!
I will say "I" ...I don't enjoy certain feelings ...and so I have learned, "Oh, and guess what?!
I don't have to feel them...or if I do, only for a second and let it pass...even laugh at it
for attempting to grab me." (Not to be confused with altering how
I re-act to these feeling... rather, snuffing them like blowing a speck off my shoulder...)
I do NOT find it pleasant to fall apart when I see a dent in my car from someone...or to
be screamed at, esp in public, which I have been
and felt bad this girlfriend didn't see she
was making such a spectacle of herself...I was fine...because I know who I am
and know I didn't do anything wrong...she is
touchy with unresolved, big childhood crapola. Oh well.
I said the above to tell people I have instances for being upset just like anyone!
And I used to feel like some emotional roller coaster...that had more dips than
high points... don't anymore...with intentional practice...everyday for years...
until ya kinda get on auto-pilot...feeling good becomes the norm... the groove ya
fall into.
Being connected to this place inside of peace is actually our natural state, afterall.
PS I cry on a dime...I love crying. (Just not from people hurting me...more out of
unquenchable compassion...often
grief of a loved one's pain or death, holding their ashes.)
To the OP: Do you experience negative feelings when you read in a newspaper or hear on
the news that someone has willfully
inflicted suffering on an innocent child?
Don't you experience sadness and regret at the suffering which the child has experienced?
Don't you experience anger at the sadist who has inflicted the suffering?
Are you advocating that we should be indifferent to such things, that nothing
should disturb our peace of mind? Just wondering.
I believe we have had this discussion before, no? I also posted something
to kayanne a min ago about this.
It is a classic discussion... a Buddhist doesn't flinch when he sees an accident in front of him...
his friend sees him as cold and heartless.
What is going on in the Buddhist's heart or mind?
Is he truly heartless? Does he not feel within himself many feelings?
For all we know he sees the perfection in that moment...what appears to be one
thing is really another entirely.
One reason I think teachers say, "Do not judge... Grasshopper..." Because we know almost nothing!
There is a Broader Perspective we can master.
To feel deep compassion for another's pain, I feel is a pleasant feeling...connecting us
with each other...deepening our sense to serve and give our help.
I agree with Lilac and disagree with the bolded part above.
I am very familiar with the "be cool" Eastern school of philosophy. An ideal man to them is a Sthita-Pradnya or "Steady Minded" man. Always doing self-examination.
But a long life has taught me that sometimes, these are very sophisticated justifications for "blame yourself first, change yourself first", bordering on sophistry.
For example, Jesus turning the other cheek. Similar story about Buddha.
If somebody shouts 4 inches from your face, the natural and dare I say, correct response is to get upset and push them away or shout back at them. Don't take guff, put them in their place. Unjustifiable behavior is a form of injustice and you should fight back. It is not a sin to cry, be emotional, be angry, react naturally to life. Be yourself.
This was well thought out, I respect that.
Funny, bec, irl, (in real life), I am known to be very clear. Haha...if you only knew.
I do NOT fight back or retaliate and can't stand that word even...it
is childish and of a 'lower vibration', imo.
But, at certain stages we need to 'fight back' ,maybe bec we were such a wimp before...we are each where we are at for that 'time'.
I mean a bar room brawl is about as close to animal behavior around, imo.
Something about my past, decades ago as a young person.... I was in a Drug Rehab Residence
in New England, (for the rich kids, instead of jail)...one of
the many things as part of the therapy was to BE
actually yelled at 4 inches from your face for usually nothing.
You would have a sign on you that you were the yeller that day or the 'victim'.
It was to teach us to let it roll off our backs....
they felt that the stresses of life made people use.
So they would dish out ridiculous things...like sitting facing a corner for 10 hrs...with
bathroom breaks only and food given.
I remember in a group circle one fella would never open up and express ...well, we
learned ''anger'' was the easiest thing to feel...so this other guy...gets a huge ashtray
filled with butts and walks over and dumps it on him.
Still, he had a hard time opening...so others began to badger him....point being...
feeeel and get out your bad emotions already...I happen
to be an advocate of
screaming into a pillow to let off the steam....bad emotions festering are unhealthy!
"It is not a sin to cry, be emotional, be angry, react naturally to life. Be yourself." Now, please remember I never implied it was a sin, and I do not even believe in 'sin',
except for the Greek translation that is 'missing the mark'.
Be yourself...indeed! Be your true self, be your higher self...be your best self ...
be your wise self, be your discerning self, be the self you want to be proud of
...that we all have in us.
Because we really are not our emotions...we are something way higher than that.
Kathryn A...you mentioned 'hardwired into us'....and that would be something I would like to get across... we can actually change
that hard wiring...it took me years to stop hating that a therapist friend would
suggest I change how I look at things,
thus, it would change my outward reaction...Grrr, back then...I heard that so much.
Well, 7 years later I 'got' it!! Finally, the lightbulb went off.
Last edited by Miss Hepburn; 11-27-2014 at 11:06 AM..
My feelings relate this to Ferguson, yet I don't want to think and post that way.
I don't know what 'that way' means.
But if we were at peace inwardly...naturally none of this would have happened in Ferguson.
It starts with compassionate thoughts...not taking things personally...not having old
childhood issues blocking our inner clarity...dealing with our daughter in law,
or our coworkers with patience and tolerance and not hating them for being
whatever way they are being...that may be different than how we do things.
When we feel secure and confident inside we are so much calmer.
There are many here dealing with office issues and family issues that may not
have even considered having compassionate thoughts, first. If one person opens to a new way of dealing with the world bec of this thread, yay.
The point you bring up is, are ''people causing" a feeling in me or others. Hmm... lemme try this...
They are. That is how the brain works. Inputs go in - be it art - natures - other peoples actions - and your system responds. It gives you emotions - desires - and actions. You have no control over these things happening. They just happen.
It is what you DO with those when they happen that you have control over. Nothing more. Nothing less.
We do not even make decisions when we think we do. We have shown at the level of the brain that your brain makes a decisions - before you are even aware of making a decision. If I put two coins in front of you and ask you to choose one and pick it up - it has been shown that your brain has made this decision before you get the illusion of making that decision yourself.
So do not presume you have control over it when you really do not.
We CAN control SOME of our emotions. Not all of them, of course. But some of them.
When we control our actions, we can get some of our emotions under control as well. Over time, this can impact our initial response to the same stimuli.
Anyone with an ex who no longer even ruffles their feathers knows this! Time does make a difference but it's also a matter of self discipline sometimes.
It's a knotty problem. Does changing actions and thoughts change feelings? Or does changing feelings cause a change in action and behavior? I think it may be a combination of both rather than either/or. Maybe we influence our feelings rather than change them.
The human tendency to avoid pain and be drawn to reward makes it difficult for us to be objective about scientific observation of our own process.
And we haven't even discussed the number of mood-altering substances we are prone to use to further complicate our understanding of what is going on with our biochemical soup. So put that piece of chocolate down or you can't claim immaculate progress.
It's a knotty problem. Does changing actions and thoughts change feelings? Or does changing feelings cause a change in action and behavior? I think it may be a combination of both rather than either/or. Maybe we influence our feelings rather than change them.
The human tendency to avoid pain and be drawn to reward makes it difficult for us to be objective about scientific observation of our own process.
And we haven't even discussed the number of mood-altering substances we are prone to use to further complicate our understanding of what is going on with our biochemical soup. So put that piece of chocolate down or you can't claim immaculate progress.
haha!
But I think you're right - I think they are both so intermingled (emotions and actions) and they can both feed on each other, or alter each other, so there's no blanket statement that fits all or even most situations.
For instance, my emotional responses to my mother's continually inappropriate behaviors. In the past, she irritated me a LOT more than she does now. She could infuriate me, she could make me cry, etc. In other words, she knew how to "push my buttons." Her behaviors haven't changed, but mine have. And in the process, my emotions about her behaviors have changed as well. I actually now consider some of her behaviors which in the past would have hurt or angered me as humorous. I don't even feel the initial negative emotion that I felt previously - now I feel more a sense of bemusement.
I know that changing my initial ACTIONS in response to my initial EMOTIONS eventually changed my knee jerk emotional reaction as well. And it's a big relief.
That's not to say that occasionally she doesn't elicit an emotional response in me - of course she does - she's my mother for Pete's sake. But I'm much calmer and in control of not only my actions but also my emotions around her now than I was twenty years ago.
Also, we've all probably experienced a situation in our lives that launched a crying jag. Maybe even a hysterical crying jag. I know that in a situation like that, it's easy to give in to the emotion and then it feeds on itself and I find myself getting more and more emotional. Or, I can get a grip and use some common sense and calm myself down. The calmer reaction is ALSO an emotion, not just an action. The calmer I ACT, the calmer I actually FEEL. So...my actions definitely CAUSED and ALTERED my emotions.
People with calmer emotions will never understand those with wild ones. Actions from emotions can be controlled but by how much and in how long will vary dramatically. Emotions themselves can not else we'd all be quickly psychopaths.
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