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I think you are over thinking it. It doesn't mean people think you hate them or are putting them off or being defensive, it just MAY make you seem uncomfortable or stand-offish or closed off during INITIAL communications and first impressions. This may make it harder for people to get to know you INITIALLY. Like I said in the post about women being friends with attractive women, a lot of people think I am a snob when they first meet me because I am quiet, but ONCE THEY GET TO KNOW ME, they realize that I am not like that at all and am just quiet. Once people get to know you, they realize that you aren't a closed off guy and are nice to talk to, so folding your arms eventually becomes irrelevant .
^^^If you read through this thread you will come to the conclusion a lot of other people did as well. Putting stock into what is constituted as "body language" is useless. What are you gonna do, chastise someone for doing one of the forbidden taboos? Cross your arms, legs and eyes if you want, they are yours.
Personally, I prefer it if the person that I was having a conversation with had their arms folded was a woman.
It acts to support any emotional moments that could cause her structure to occillate which would then cause me to lose my concentration by diverting my eyes.
I've been known to fold my arms in front of my breasts when I feel men are starting at them. I suppose that is a defensive posture, but I feel defensive when they are inappropriate. And no, I never wear low-cut clothing. I don't, however, suppose that is netman's issue.
Whether a guy is staring, focusing or not I too cross my arms purposefully over my chest around creepy guys. Or rather, I do so around guys I subjectively perceive a the kind to treat a woman disrespectfully.
Let's say I'm at the airport and some guy isn't even looking at me, but he's wearing a teeshirt that has some crude, suggestive saying or picture on it. My arms cross over my chest. Consciously and purposefully. My shoulders also square back and I face him, not cowering. I see the (gut level, perceived) threat to my dignity, I take defensive action, but I face the (gut level, perceived) threat.
Very likely this uniquely Female Crossing of the Arms has gotten lumped in with generalized "statistics" about crossed arms in general meaning closed, cold, or rejecting type body language.
@Pitt Chick, I literally just do it because it's more physically comfortable for me than holding my arms at my sides or putting my hands in my pocket. That's literally the only reason.
Bingo! I cross my arms sitting on the couch alone watching television. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
I fold my arms all the time, as it is a comfortable position for me. That's all it is. However, I hear now that it's bad etiquette to cross your arms when talking to someone. However, why is it so bad to have your arms crossed if you are smiling, laughing, and making eye contact with the other person? It's not like you are mad at them or anything. Nobody has ever said anything to me about it in person, I've just come across it online. So, is it really bad etiquette to have your arms folded when you're talking to someone if you are smiling, talking, and making eye contact with the other person? I just don't get it. I feel bad now for doing it, but I don't know if friends and family members will read that deeply into it. I am sick of the rule that says if you are talking to someone and they have their arms folded that they are pissed off at you or don't want to talk, even if they are smiling, nodding, and engaged in the conversation. I don't get why people read so deeply into the way someone has their arms positioned when they are talking to them and have it not occur to them that it could simply be for comfort.
Etiquette says it means "you are closed off" if you fold your arms. I have ALWAYS folded my arms, and after 52 years, I am NOT about to start changing it now!
So I say ***harrumph*** to those etiquette people!
I fold my arms all the time, as it is a comfortable position for me. That's all it is. However, I hear now that it's bad etiquette to cross your arms when talking to someone. However, why is it so bad to have your arms crossed if you are smiling, laughing, and making eye contact with the other person? It's not like you are mad at them or anything. Nobody has ever said anything to me about it in person, I've just come across it online. So, is it really bad etiquette to have your arms folded when you're talking to someone if you are smiling, talking, and making eye contact with the other person? I just don't get it. I feel bad now for doing it, but I don't know if friends and family members will read that deeply into it. I am sick of the rule that says if you are talking to someone and they have their arms folded that they are pissed off at you or don't want to talk, even if they are smiling, nodding, and engaged in the conversation. I don't get why people read so deeply into the way someone has their arms positioned when they are talking to them and have it not occur to them that it could simply be for comfort.
No.
Folded arms is only one component in reading body language. I am careful about reading too much into something like this.
BUT...I am glad you are sensitive enough to ask the question. I try to use body language to convey a message and I try to read body language, too. It is an extremely effective tool (both reading it and using it) and has made me a better listener and a better communicator.
Frankly I wouldn't even notice how you were standing if we were having a conversation. Now if you were diddling with your phone ....
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