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Well, I made the decision to remove her from Facebook and I will no longer respond to her texts. She will get the hint.
I feel like a butthead for having to abandon her, but I cannot allow her to ruin all my hard work.
We both worked hard in college, but she feels she should skate through life, while I really sacrificed for what I wanted after graduation. I left the internship program and worked full-time, and not every position I held was great or paid well, but I gained valuable experience in my field. I had to prove my value as an employee.
She feels that right after being a long-term intern she should earn 90K to 120K yearly, and it just doesn't work that way. Especially since she has burned bridges and earned a poor reputation there. She will not be given a good reference and will have to essentially start from scratch. Although I gained some experience during my internship, my employers did not count that time as true work experience. I also learned that some of the skills I learned as an intern were very specific to that agency, so they were not helpful to me in the long run.
Every time I have to cut someone out of my life, it hurts. It hurts to cut out a person I knew for 10 years. But this one had to be done.
You seem like a very caring and compassionate person. Of course its hard to cut someone you've known for 10 years out of your life, but sometimes it just has to be done. This has happened to me. as well. To this very day, I still wonder how a friend I distanced myself from many years back is doing with his own life. Sometimes, I think of looking him up on Facebook to see what he's up to - but, nah. If he's doing well (probably not), that's great; if not, well, there's STILL nothing I can do. I come from a bit of a hardscrabble background myself, and my instinct has always been to help those around me who I see are having a difficult time. Age and experience has taught me that I can only do so much. I can point them toward programs and agencies that may be able to help them, but the rest is up to them. Right now one of my "ducklings" is my old next door neighbor of 5 years, an archeologist who lost his job with FEMA for various reasons, including the fact that he has developed health issues and really needs to go back to grad school or voc-rehab and get more training or change fields completely. As it is, he hasn't been able to find work, ran through all his savings, and lost his housing when he couldn't pay his rent. Since I happen to have a spare room and I'd known him a long time (he's not a felon or a thief or violent or anything like that), I've let him move into my extra room until he gets on his feet. He's refused my suggestions to check with the VA for possible help (he served our country for 4 years in the army); he won't go to the Colorado division of voc-rehab; he won't pursue getting medical attention under the affordable care act. Once upon a time, I would have scoured the Internet on his behalf, called up the VA myself, etc., etc. But I've learned my lesson, and I do none of these things if he won't do them for himself. It costs me almost nothing to let him have my spare room and he mostly keeps to himself, but he does do all sorts of work around here, unasked; and since I'm a single woman who isn't getting any younger, it's nice to have this big ex-military dude out here with me in my rural and very isolated home.
I plan to eventually move to another location that is not so cut off from the world if I possibly can, but I'm taking care of myself - not him. Should I land in a situation where I again have an extra room, he's still welcome to use it if nothing better has come up for him. But I'm looking for the best place for myself, not both of us. It's going to be hard enough for me to put together the money just to move myself and my stuff and find a landlord in a new town who charges what I can afford and will allow my cat and my dog. Throwing "X" into the equation with no help from him makes this next to impossible, and I'm not even going to try. He is aware of my plans and he does have family back in Nashville, so it's not as if he has no options at all. It will be hard to just leave him here when (if) I go, but that's the choice he seems to be making. I wish him well.
Last edited by Colorado Rambler; 01-12-2016 at 11:48 AM..
Reason: typos, typos, typos
And as we all love to armchair psych. here, I'm not even going to put this on her.
Everything you are saying here tells me you need to be needed. This black hole of a person found someone who needs to be needed. And after she implodes your life and walks away from the detritus, she'll be still moaning no one cares, no one understands, no one helps.
Been there, done that, got out before the blast.
I have known her for years, and she reached out to me crying. I felt sorry for her and offered to help her. Once I discovered she does not need the help, I quickly backed away. But at first it was hard to see someone I knew that long just throw their life away.
You are right, I can't save her and no one can but herself.
I plan to eventually move to another location that is not so cut off from the world if I possibly can, but I'm taking care of myself - not him. Should I land in a situation where I again have an extra room, he's still welcome to use it if nothing better has come up for him. But I'm looking for the best place for myself, not both of us. It's going to be hard enough for me to put together the money just to move myself and my stuff and find a landlord in a new town who charges what I can afford and will allow my cat and my dog. Throwing "X" into the equation with no help from him makes this next to impossible, and I'm not even going to try. He is aware of my plans and he does have family back in Nashville, so it's not as if he has no options at all. It will be hard to just leave him here when (if) I go, but that's the choice he seems to be making. I wish him well.
His family in Nashville might have other ideas. I'm not sure you have been doing him any favors and the longer he is allowed to linger, the worse things will be for him later.
Friendship is a two way street. When one person starts to upset the balance, it is time to examine the nature of the friendship.
There is some good advice here. Get some distance. Create some boundaries. Do not let her move in with you. It is not an easy conversation (and is very easy to cave in to her needs), but you have to have it. Just be honest. In short, your friend is a nut case and needs more help than what you can offer. Suggest that she seek help. It is time for her to deal with reality.
A friendship should be symbiotic, not parasitic. Your comment is spot on.
Filing with Social Security to go on disability is a long, intensive, difficult process. I'm sure there are scammers, but by and large you really have to have a significant disability or medical problem to claim it. Even then, the amount you get each month is very low (now around $700 maybe) and few people can live on that amount of money.
Filing with Social Security to go on disability is a long, intensive, difficult process. I'm sure there are scammers, but by and large you really have to have a significant disability or medical problem to claim it. Even then, the amount you get each month is very low (now around $700 maybe) and few people can live on that amount of money.
Thank you for pointing that out. I'm currently in that process, and I'm sick of hearing people say those who are on disability are just sitting back getting rich.
The title of this thread says it all. You know you can't save her, and you know that you need to step away to keep yourself out of her problems. You've done what you can, more than you probably should have, and you've done the right thing by distancing yourself.
After I removed her from Facebook, I discovered she blocked me. It is for the best anyway.
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