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So, you were both middle class as children, upper middle class and middle or maybe lower middle class. IMHO, and probably in the opinion of many people, that is not a big difference.
Now, let's say you were the only child of an oil tycoon or a billionaire and she lived in "the projects" and was on welfare, food stamps and her mother dropped out of school when she was 15 to have her, or vice versa. Now that would have been a big discrepancy between your families and it would probably be surprising that you were best friends for 20 plus years.
Are you bothnow solidly middle class as adults? Or, does one of you purchase every piece of your clothing from Goodwill, eat at soup kitchens and live in a roach and rat infested trailer and the other live in a 25 room mansion? Now, as adults, I bet that you are both still middle class, perhaps upper middle class, but middle class all the same.
What is your problem??? There were many differences between our two families(education levels...her dad didn't go past 3rd grade) and others...people have posted(including the OP)stories that are not as extreme as YOUR scenario...really take a chill pill...
There are 2 dynamics to think about as well. Class and income. Class differences can be much harder to figure out than income.
I know most of my friends are from middle class backgrounds. But we have various income levels for various reasons. We have similar upbringings. This means, for example one of my friends does make not a whole lot more than poverty level for our region. We have been friends for well over a decade. There are some periods where she has very very limited extra income. I invite her to things where I know she can control her costs with no issue but are flexible for people who spend more. We like to do many of the same things but I can do more of them. If there is something pricier I really really want to do with her, I plan way in advance so there is time to budget and prepare.
Is it at all possible or will there always be animosity between the two of you ?
There is lots of hate in America for well off people due to the economic hardships this country is facing.
Don't be shy. Sound Off.
Do you hate people with money and privilege even if they are nice people and want to be your friend or does jealousy rain supreme ?
Should people with money stay with their own kind ?
I'm not sure where "money" comes into the friendship discussion. I certainly don't vet my friends based on their perceived (or disclosed) bank balance. Do I hate people with more money than me? No. There will ALWAYS be people with more money than me. Do I despise people with LESS money than me? No. There will always be people with less money than me. That would leave me with an extreme narrow window of people to be friends with, which means there are a lot of very cool and interesting people out there that I would have missed the opportunity to get to know and admire.
If I dislike someone, it's because of their character, not because of their bank balance.
I appreciate all these responses. Some are very well thought out.
It just so happened that I was in a very uncomfortable situation the other night. I ran into a group of guys I know and some were happy to see me some weren't. You could tell by the looks they were sharing with each other. Anyway one asked me to go with them for a beer. We sit down and STILL some of them are looking at each other like " Not this Ahole again." I felt really uncomfortable like I was intruding but I stayed anyway because two of the guys are pleasant enough.
One lives in his van at the moment. The other is married with a home. The other two are living in $300 a month apartments across the border in Mexico. Then there is me. I make 150 k per year. I live comfortably but I wouldn't consider myself well off. To make matters worse I am a stickler for hygiene like to dress in a nice dress shirt and cologne. Otherwise I am just a casual guy. It seems like any opinion I have will be taken for arrogance and out of context. People talk down to me to make me feel uncomfortable and I admit it works to a certain extent. I like people and I want to be liked. It makes the world a better place to be.
At times I think people shun me because they WANT me to go through having no friends in response to them not having money.
It doesn't feel good but I'd rather have money than be broke....or even better have the best of both worlds but I don't know if that is possible.
I felt so bad the other night. Nothing is worse than being somewhere where you feel unwelcome.
The people I know are the creative artistic types. So am I but I am lucky enough to be well off. I give stuff away and try to be generous to people.
I am wondering do you go around telling people you make six figures? Because your comment about "not this A hole again" is somewhat telling.
Nobody likes braggarts. And it sounds like some of these guys are down on their luck at the moment.
I live in Southern CA and through a mutual friend know a guy whose mother was a big movie star in the 50s and 60s, in addition the family has owned lots of real estate here for years. In another words they're loaded. This guy is completely down to earth and likable, never mentions who his mother was unless someone brings it up.
He has wealth I could never imagine, but why resent him. Now if he was a pompous ass that would be different.
Maybe you need to look at how you talk to people and come off?
I'm a big believer in keeping your finances to yourself, whether you're rolling in dough or two paychecks away from the curb.
It sounds like you're giving off a vibe that you think you're better than them. Real class comes through when you don't make people feel like they're inferior because there is a big difference in finances. You put that at ease.
^ No they think I make a lot less. I never disclose my income with close friends. All my friends have been down on their luck....that has been MY LUCK.
What is your problem??? There were many differences between our two families(education levels...her dad didn't go past 3rd grade) and others...people have posted(including the OP)stories that are not as extreme as YOUR scenario...really take a chill pill...
I am glad that you are good friends.
I'm sorry, but the way that you described the situation you were both middle class. You did not originally mention that your friend's dad only had a 3rd grade education, now that does makes a different. However, just being a garbage collector does not mean that the family was not middle class.
In fact, there are garbage collectors, in some areas today, that are college grads, as it can be a fairly well paying position. I'm not sure if it is still the case, but a few years ago beginning garbage collectors in my area made substantially more than beginning teachers.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-29-2016 at 08:19 PM..
^ No they think I make a lot less. I never disclose my income with close friends. All my friends have been down on their luck....that has been MY LUCK.
Good, that's the way to do it. It makes for less jealousy and also being hit up for loans.
To answer the OP - no - I definitely don't think that people w/money can genuinely be friends with people with no money. The people with no money will always be jealous of those that have money, and this will cause a strain.
In general, I find that very few people out there genuine friends, anyway. Everyone will always be competing with you & being upset if you have more than they do - or if your lifestyle is something they want for themselves. Screw that.
I'm sorry, but the way that you described the situation you were both middle class. You did not originally mention that your friend's dad only had a 3rd grade education, now that does makes a different. However, just being a garbage collector does not mean that the family was not middle class.
In fact, there are garbage collectors, in some areas today, that are college grads, as it can be a fairly well paying position. I'm not sure if it is still the case, but a few years ago beginning garbage collectors in my area made substantially more than beginning teachers.
I'm not going to keep explaining my post so you can cherry pick an opportunity to tell me we were both middle class... You for some reason need to defend garbage collectors everywhere...it wasn't meant as a slight to any profession...it was what it was...
I don't think so , no . when I was in high school I had a group of friends and they were quite well off and my mother drove me to one of their houses once and she said to me " these are not your kind of people and you have nothing in common with them other than school and I don't think you should socialize with them and I don't want you too " . So in my mind my mother was telling me that those people were better than me and I have always grown up with that in my head . I never hung around with them after that . Before my mother put the kibosh on my friendships with them I never thought about it . I often wonder if the shoe were on the other foot if one of them thought the same thing .
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You for some reason need to defend garbage collectors everywhere...it wasn't meant as a slight to any profession...it was what it was...
