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My friend who had the stroke--
it has affected her speech.
And she tells me that she doesn't want to do speech therapy. Apparently they have been at her house, and want her to spend 15 minutes a day with these exercises - I don't know what they are.
So she tells me she's not going to do it.
And I have to stop myself - I want to say - but you must do it, so you can get your speech back.
But surely she knows that, right? Surely the speech therapist tells her how important it is, and her doctor.
I spent so many years telling people what they should do --
you should stop smoking, you should exercise, blah blah
and finally I realized it was not my place to tell anyone what to do, and anyway everyone knows these basic tenets of health.
So now I keep my mouth shut.
But she's had a stroke - maybe she needs encouragement?
I wonder if I am being heartless by not saying anything.
My friend who had the stroke--
it has affected her speech.
And she tells me that she doesn't want to do speech therapy. Apparently they have been at her house, and want her to spend 15 minutes a day with these exercises - I don't know what they are.
So she tells me she's not going to do it.
And I have to stop myself - I want to say - but you must do it, so you can get your speech back.
But surely she knows that, right? Surely the speech therapist tells her how important it is, and her doctor.
I spent so many years telling people what they should do --
you should stop smoking, you should exercise, blah blah
and finally I realized it was not my place to tell anyone what to do, and anyway everyone knows these basic tenets of health.
So now I keep my mouth shut.
But she's had a stroke - maybe she needs encouragement?
I wonder if I am being heartless by not saying anything.
It is her decision. You have no business telling anyone what to do, ever.
Sometimes having someone speak up to you honestly can mean a lot and can be motivating.
Nagging someone is not effective, nor is judgment or shaming, and nagging can have the opposite of the intended effect. I think I would tell her that the exercises are good for her and offer to help her if she would like.
My friend who had the stroke--
it has affected her speech.
And she tells me that she doesn't want to do speech therapy. Apparently they have been at her house, and want her to spend 15 minutes a day with these exercises - I don't know what they are.
So she tells me she's not going to do it.
And I have to stop myself - I want to say - but you must do it, so you can get your speech back.
But surely she knows that, right? Surely the speech therapist tells her how important it is, and her doctor.
I spent so many years telling people what they should do --
you should stop smoking, you should exercise, blah blah
and finally I realized it was not my place to tell anyone what to do, and anyway everyone knows these basic tenets of health.
So now I keep my mouth shut.
But she's had a stroke - maybe she needs encouragement?
I wonder if I am being heartless by not saying anything.
You are correct that it is not your right nor place to *tell* her what to do or should do.
She has chosen not to do the therapy so leave it at that.
If it was my friend I'd ask her why she doesn't want to do the speech therapy. If her reasoning seemed short-sighted to me, then in a separate conversation I'd encourage her to reconsider. Then I'd leave it alone. The first convo I'd just listen and support her - try to understand her reasoning. You might end up accepting her decision.
Sometimes having someone speak up to you honestly can mean a lot and can be motivating.
Nagging someone is not effective, nor is judgment or shaming, and nagging can have the opposite of the intended effect. I think I would tell her that the exercises are good for her and offer to help her if she would like.
It might mean a lot to her to know that you care.
That is a pretty way of manipulation to tell someone to do something they have already stated they are not going to do.
Sometimes having someone speak up to you honestly can mean a lot and can be motivating.
Nagging someone is not effective, nor is judgment or shaming, and nagging can have the opposite of the intended effect. I think I would tell her that the exercises are good for her and offer to help her if she would like.
It might mean a lot to her to know that you care.
I agree with this. I think it's what a friend would do. Let her know you realize everything is difficult for her right now, but you are offering an ear, and support, as well as faith that she can do it.
That is a pretty way of manipulation to tell someone to do something they have already stated they are not going to do.
People in pain say stuff they don't mean all the time. Offering once to help someone is not manipulation, and backing off if they decline again proves it.
I'd probably say, "Well, I would like to encourage you to do it, because I think it will make your life easier in the long run. But, that's the last time I'll say it. If you want to talk about it sometime, I'll leave that up to you." Something like that.
That's not manipulation (and I don't think the above poster who was accused of manipulation was doing so either). It's offering an opinion (that is not unkind) and support and then shutting up. Friends have to be able to be honest with each other - in a kind way, of course.
People in pain say stuff they don't mean all the time. Offering once to help someone is not manipulation, and backing off if they decline again proves it.
Exactly. The friend is angry(and rightly so) over the situation she is in. On Saturday she could say she has no interest in doing any exercises, on Monday she could say something different.
OP, I wouldn't write the situation off based on one interaction.
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