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yeah, this is what I'm gonna do. (from nomore snow)
And this reminds me that she and I always had a criteria thru our friendship - that we could say anything to each other-
with no judgement.
And we always have. But since the stroke I have been a little afraid to offend.
Like early on, when she struggled for a word, I would try to supply it, and she said no don't do that.
so I didn't.
and sometimes in conversation she is very short with me, and I understand this is due to the illness.
this is not her nature.
so I been a little nervous about how to talk to her.
but now I realize that this is about HER, not me, so I will bring it up to her - just once.
I will ask her why doesn't she want to do the exercises.
I will say I wish she would, that I want her to get better.
and then I will leave it alone.
I did think about telling her I will help, which I would love to - but it will have to be over the phone, since she is in another state.
I appreciate the input from posters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe
I'd probably say, "Well, I would like to encourage you to do it, because I think it will make your life easier in the long run. But, that's the last time I'll say it. If you want to talk about it sometime, I'll leave that up to you." Something like that.
That's not manipulation (and I don't think the above poster who was accused of manipulation was doing so either). It's offering an opinion (that is not unkind) and support and then shutting up. Friends have to be able to be honest with each other - in a kind way, of course.
Given that the friend is likely very depressed and frustrated right now, I might back off for the time being, offer other kinds of support and then broach the topic when she is in a good frame of mind (or at least a better one than her current one). I would ask maybe about whether she's given any further thought to speech therapy.
She just had a major scare, and now she's facing crossing a mountain with regards to recovery. She's likely not thinking clearly. My father was completely irrational after his brain bleed and stroke, and not just because he was confused. He had to kind of settle down and accept his situation to a certain degree - he bounced back fully within a few months.
Generally, when I feel a friend is doing something crazy or harmful to themselves, I'll just have a conversation with them and just throw out there how I would approach it if I was in their shoes. And then I leave it be.
Do you have difficulty understanding what your friend is saying? If so, I'd at least tell her so. She knows what she is saying so may not be very aware others find conversation with her difficult. That problem can have all sorts of implications.
Yes, my friend knows it is difficult having conversation with her.
It's not that I can't understand her speech -- as when speech is slurred, or indistinct.
I can understand what she says.
But what she says makes no sense about 80% of the time bec. she can't find the word she wants so she'll throw in any word.
For example, "The doctor - oh.. daughter...green dog."
For about 2 sentences she is lucid.
For example, she'll say how happy she is to be home and to have kitty sitting on her.
Then, the conversation deteriorates. She'll start a sentence, and after a few seconds she can't find the word she wants. So she'll stop, she'll tell me to wait - so I wait, and she searches.
And she can't find it, so she'll say "forget it." And she'll start another sentence, same thing happens. And after a few minutes, she says she has to go.
So I say ok. I don't think she HAS to go - I think she is flummoxed and frustrated.
and certainly that's understandable.
I don't really know how much she understands of what I say. Without her being able to communicate to me, there is no way to know.
At first, right after the stroke, she said the doctors said she would recover completely. Then about 2 weeks later she said they said she would recover 50%.
Now, I can understand - it is probably impossible to know for sure. Maybe the doctors changed their opinion bec the situation changed.
Maybe my friend, when she tells me what the doctors say is not repeating accurately.
I have no way of knowing.
all in all very frustrating for me too.
But I call her every day. On the week-end she was alone, which I don't think she should be. She did manage to tell me she was able to get down the stairs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene
Do you have difficulty understanding what your friend is saying? If so, I'd at least tell her so. She knows what she is saying so may not be very aware others find conversation with her difficult. That problem can have all sorts of implications.
Stroke victims often suffer from depression as a result of the injury. They have had a life changing event.
Also, the mountain of recovery she has to climb may seem daunting - near impossible at times. So keep encouraging her, even if it's just baby steps.
Someone close to me had a stroke years ago. He could not speak, and in fact, could only wiggle one finger on one hand. Slowly, very slowly, through therapy, speech and movement returned. Soon he could sit. Then he could stand. Soon he could walk a few steps while holding onto a walker. Now, years later, he walks with no cane, drives, talks very well, etc. He did do his therapy as prescribed.
Like early on, when she struggled for a word, I would try to supply it, and she said no don't do that.
Do not do this.
It is called Speech Aphasia. My son had a stroke when he was five and it effected his speech. At first he had no word retrieval, but in time things in his brain reconnected. If he was, on a scale to 0-10, a zero when he came home, one year later he was at a 7 and has stayed there, he is in his mid 20's now.
Yes, speech therapy helped him tremendously with strategies. It is not stuttering, it is a problem with the brain finding the next word. You know that feeling when you can't think of the word? Well for some stroke victims it just happens more frequently.
Do not help her with the word---that is not good at all. My son was given hand signals to let us know what was happening. Three fingers would mean "stop, give me time", two fingers would mean, "help". He does not use those hand signals anymore but they helped us help him in the beginning.
Just leave her alone and let her guide you. It is frustrating for her. In time she may decide to go to Speech Therapy. My son's speech was horrible at first, in time it improved (a year or so) and now 20 years later he still struggles at times, other times he is fine.
Her brain is like a jumbled traffic jam when she speaks. You have to allow her to slow down and let the traffic flow better. "Merging" in when she is talking (giving her the word) is more frustrating for her when you do that.
Human nature wants to natural help someone but don't do it in this case.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellenrr
At first, right after the stroke, she said the doctors said she would recover completely. Then about 2 weeks later she said they said she would recover 50%.
If she had a stroke and has trouble speaking, and you live far away and primarily contact her by phone, I don't see a chance for many successful interactions between the two of you.
If one pushes too hard, it usually ends up pushing the other person away.
If someone tells me, "You need. . . .".....my first thought is, "You need to mind your own business."
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Slowly, very slowly, through therapy, speech and movement returned. Soon he could sit. Then he could stand. Soon he could walk a few steps while holding onto a walker. Now, years later, he walks with no cane, drives, talks very well, etc. He did do his therapy as prescribed.
