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And I do not understand the reference to black people here. Yes, blacks feel this way. Pointing the finger and yelling "B-b-but blacks do it too!" does not make what the aunt did any less wrong.
I referred to blacks also holding this belief to illustrate that an individual thinking that certain skin coloration is more beautiful is not automatically a dogmatic racist.
In short, though all racists probably hold the "light is beautiful" belief, not all those with the belief are racists.
There are a lot of racists on City-Data. P&OC flat out scares me sometimes because the hate is so different from the people I know in real life--although, that's not always true, either. I have cousins who I know are deeply racist (and anti-everyone who is not just like them), and I'm pretty sure they say things about my sister and her husband and my niece. They just don't say it around my family.
Your posts are always thought-provoking and informative, MM. It is nice that there are posters with whom these issues can be discussed without name-calling.
From what I was told, it started with compliments regarding beauty (although my aunt didn't say anything denigrating at this point to my youngest daughter). She was exclusively complimenting my eldest daughter on her skin, hair, eye color, etc. And then with things like helping out around the house . . . my aunt was laying it on my youngest without telling my oldest to help out with chores.
Maybe she should have just handed the dark girl a head scarf and apron.
Your posts are always thought-provoking and informative, MM. It is nice that there are posters with whom these issues can be discussed without name-calling.
I agree with both of you. I almost always enjoy comments from both of you.
Yes, black women hold this belief. I won't go into why - I do get it, even though I don't agree. There are many, many layers.
I do get frustrated and I know that I shouldn't. There ARE many racists on this board (Current Events forum was rife with them at one point - I haven't been over there in months), it's really easy to jump to conclusions. I do apologize for doing that here.
Thanks for your perspective - refreshing as always!
Re-reading, I didn't express myself well. I do occasionally assume that everyone knows what I'm thinking and sort of start thoughts in the middle lol. Drives my husband nuts! I apologize if I offended you.
I'm so sorry that this happened. Your daughters unfortunately will face this again, from many people. *Sigh* I wish it were not so. There is a documentary called "Dark Girls" and "Light Girls" that explore this very topic. It is too mature for them now, but you may want to check it out.
Hold on. Blacks cannot be racist against ourselves. When Blacks hold this belief, it is a form of self hatred. I will not go into how colorism originated in the first place.
And I do not understand the reference to black people here. Yes, blacks feel this way. Pointing the finger and yelling "B-b-but blacks do it too!" does not make what the aunt did any less wrong.
I wasn't offended. It's fine .
I will check out the documentary with my husband. Thank you.
My mother had gorgeous red hair and freckles. She HATED the freckles -- in an era when peaches-and-cream was idealized beauty and people desperately tried to bleach freckles. People made fun of her freckles. She had cousins who thought nothing of calling her "Hey, Freckles!" even when she was 40! She was honestly shocked when my dad (then her boyfriend) told her that he thought her hair was the most beautiful hair he had ever seen, like a tropical sunset, and the freckles were just the reflection of the sun on the ocean (He had a way with words. :-) Even her mother would give her the back-handed compliment, "You are so pretty, even with all those freckles" (well, she meant well . . .)
She didn't grow up wearing a burka, and she is, to this day, one of the most confident and poised people you will ever meet, and has never taken s**t off of anyone. :-) I asked her one time about a cousin who insisted on calling her "Freckles" at the age of 62 -- because, honestly, no one notices the freckles anymore -- and she shrugged and rolled her eyes and said "Well, he was always a little slow . . . !"
My point, I guess, is that kids can be encouraged to look past thoughtless and ignorant people and not internalize thoughtless and cruel comments, and not let comments like this scar them. Your older daughter sounds like a good kid, taking care of her younger sister so well and making sure she wasn't overlooked.
I know my youngest isn't totally out of the woods yet (regarding the situation) and that this probably won't be the last time something similar to this happens to her as she grows (I really hate the thought) but at this point I'm more worried about my eldest daughter. My youngest is back to being who she has always been - happy and buoyant. My eldest isn't.
Well, at least this has been an opportunity to see your girls' good character, particularly the older daughter, to look out for her sister and care about fairness, rather than take advantage of that favoritism or feel smug about it.
Go with your gut, Mom! Hurtful is not what kids need.
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When Blacks hold this belief, it is a form of self hatred. I will not go into how colorism originated in the first place.
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