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I don't care what they do with THEIR MONEY. But I don't like people who whine about it later after the money has been spent. Or who cry "poormouth" to you when you know they spend like a drunk sailor.
I also think it is tacky to ask for donations for your various funds. You want a house, fine. Start with saving money, don't have two new cars when you don't need two new cars, instead of your daily $5 Starbucks put that money into a savings account.
And have a more cost effective wedding.
If a people are very wealthy than have the wedding you want. As Tassity22 said we have a mindset today that people think they're entitled to have it all. Even though they can't afford it.
Know of another situation where the parents took out a second mortgage to pay for a wedding, that is insane.
My point really was just that anyone can whine about money. I don't see the point in getting worked up over someone whining about wedding spending in particular. I agreed with you---in that I do not want to hear anyone whine about financial situations that they've gotten themselves into---I hear enough of that from my MIL.
It's not only weddings. It's not only just "nowadays." There are plenty of people who have a sense of entitlement about all things in life. And please for the love of everything holy do not act like it is only applicable to younger folk.
Like I said, fifty years from now, if I'm still alive, I'm sure I'll be complaining about something "young kids" are doing that is tacky that is increasingly commonplace.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22
Or when they inevitably start nickel and diming everyone else for money. Because they spent all theirs. That's the point where I do think it's my business how they manage their finances. They can't keep saying "None of your business" when they are asking for financial help. If someone is asking me for money, we're going to sit down first and talk about their finances and what's going on.
Why just NOT give them money then?
People can ask for money all they want, wedding or not. No one has to say yes.
Or when they inevitably start nickel and diming everyone else for money. Because they spent all theirs. That's the point where I do think it's my business how they manage their finances. They can't keep saying "None of your business" when they are asking for financial help. If someone is asking me for money, we're going to sit down first and talk about their finances and what's going on.
Exactly. I loaned money to someone (and they did pay me back but it took much longer than promised). I won't do it again, they were still eating out, were buying items that weren't needed(pillows for their living room couch), while they still owed for the loan.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemonday
What is tacky is when they want to have a dinner two nights before the wedding, then a rehearsal dinner the night before, then the wedding dinner, then a "brunch" the next day...really??? Why not make a whole week, or better yet, a month of just sitting around and eating!!!
Nothing tacky about that. In fact it's a nice gesture usually done for out of town guests. Someone travels 1,000 miles for your wedding and like most weddings talks to the bride and groom for 5 minutes, a brunch the next day allows for more time to visit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by city living
My point really was just that anyone can whine about money. I don't see the point in getting worked up over someone whining about wedding spending in particular. I agreed with you---in that I do not want to hear anyone whine about financial situations that they've gotten themselves into---I hear enough of that from my MIL.
It's not only weddings. It's not only just "nowadays." There are plenty of people who have a sense of entitlement about all things in life. And please for the love of everything holy do not act like it is only applicable to younger folk.
Like I said, fifty years from now, if I'm still alive, I'm sure I'll be complaining about something "young kids" are doing that is tacky that is increasingly commonplace.
Why just NOT give them money then?
People can ask for money all they want, wedding or not. No one has to say yes.
Oh but it is "nowadays". Every time something happens it's "and the family has set up a Go Fund Me Page". Sometimes it's for a funeral, OK I get that. But I have also seen where the "goal" was a ridiculous amount of money. As in $100K for a funeral? That's called greed.
And in regards to Tassity 22 comments, why should you hand over money to people who can't manage money? I just gave an example how I loaned money to someone who was having a tough time, they still spent money on things they didn't need and eating out.
People can ask for money all they want, wedding or not. No one has to say yes.
They can ask for money and I can then, ask them personal question about their finances. If they don't like the questions, then they need to stop asking for money. If it turns out they do have financial difficulties that are no fault of their own, in that case I might actually help them out.
In earlier eras brides were married off by their parents. They didn't even get to choose the groom, let alone have anything to say about the wedding.
Some parents still control all the wedding arrangements. When my cousin married, she didn't even get to choose her own gown or bouquet or anything. Her mother decided everything, even the color scheme. It's a very old school, old fashioned way of doing things.
And arranged marriages are not only common in other cultures, but in the USA, many Americans do arrange for who they want their son or daughter to marry. Especially in wealthier circles.
Something that I think is tacky that I don't think anyone has brought up yet is the idea that a guest's gift should be of the same or more monetary value as what the family spent per person per meal. First, though a gift is traditional, it's not mandatory. Second, the gift should be whatever the giver deems appropriate and what they can comfortably afford. Sometimes the fact that someone went to to the trouble to show up on the special day should be gift enough.
^Yeah, not many people use fine china or crystal nowadays, let alone silver that has to be polished.
I have both. I literally have a different type of crystal glass for every possible alcohol you would drink--champagne, shots, wine, etc.
Once or twice a year on holidays, I use a few crystal glasses, just because they're there. I have never used the silver and plan to sell it.
Getting a hutch and displaying your china and crystal in your dining room used to be a rite of passage for women becoming married ladies. I don't know why...but my friends used to think that was the end all, be all rite of passage...and a must.
I have three sets of china I haven't used since ... probably the late 90s. Two are inherited and my mom got me a third set at a church rummage sale. We box it up and lug it around every time we move. One set is my "family" china, owned by my great-great aunt, and the other inherited set was my husband's grandmother's. Our children have zero interest in such heirlooms. Honestly I wonder if I will ever use any of it again.
My sister-in-law just bought a house. She put a big table in the eat-in kitchen and that's where people gather. The formal front room holds a pool table instead of couches, and the dining room is a bar.
I would much rather eat a good, cooked to order burger or hot dog over regular catered food. How fun.
OP: You are so off base. This is a new trend that is fun. You are just behind the times and have no idea. You sound old and stuffy!!
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Something that I think is tacky that I don't think anyone has brought up yet is the idea that a guest's gift should be of the same or more monetary value as what the family spent per person per meal. First, though a gift is traditional, it's not mandatory. Second, the gift should be whatever the giver deems appropriate and what they can comfortably afford. Sometimes the fact that someone went to to the trouble to show up on the special day should be gift enough.
Ah, the "cover the plate" expectation. What is ridiculous is some people have already shelled out for transportation, lodging, maybe babysitters, plus the wedding gift. Add the shower gift to that in some cases.
I first heard this in the Northeast. As someone said, "church hall" weddings are/were much more common in the South, with finger foods sometimes prepared by the ladies group in the church. I prefer delicious cheese straws and butter mints any day to rubber chicken!
I have no issue with alcohol at receptions but getting drunk is the tackiest thing of all.
What is tacky is when they want to have a dinner two nights before the wedding, then a rehearsal dinner the night before, then the wedding dinner, then a "brunch" the next day...really??? Why not make a whole week, or better yet, a month of just sitting around and eating!!!
I got married at my parents summer beach house on an island, we hosted quite a few meals (not always formal) for the wedding party, family and anyone who was on the island early and the day after the wedding. No one was required to attend.
I've really appreciated the gesture when I've been at an out of town wedding.
Something that I think is tacky that I don't think anyone has brought up yet is the idea that a guest's gift should be of the same or more monetary value as what the family spent per person per meal. First, though a gift is traditional, it's not mandatory. Second, the gift should be whatever the giver deems appropriate and what they can comfortably afford. Sometimes the fact that someone went to to the trouble to show up on the special day should be gift enough.
Yes, I can't stand that mentality and had never seen it until I joined message board discussions. I got the impression it was a northeastern thing. You should not expect the guests to cover their cost. That is tacky. Why not just send an invoice with the invitation?
However, cash bars really don't bother me. Probably because I don't drink.
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