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OK, I skimmed through the first 4 pages of pretty much only your comments OP to get the jest of this issue & here's what I think:
WHO exactly says he has anxiety issues? Is this him telling you back when you were dating that he's an anxious type OR have you seen/heard a doctor's official diagnosis first-hand that he has anxiety issues? If he hasn't officially been diagnosed, he seems to say he's "anxious" as a cover-up excuse for his truly controlling marital ways with YOU.
I personally don't know how in HECK you put up w/ his behavior for the last 30 yrs. I wouldn't put up with that for 24 hrs or if you paid me $1 million, but hey, if you laugh it off, fine w/ me. ONLY YOU know if you're content in this marriage or not. Whether you're sugar-coating his & your situation or not, isn't my concern. Us posters here don't have to live with him nor put up with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayarea4
I can understand why my friend would react the way she did because she has been single for most of her life. She is accustomed to always having things her own way and not having to take anyone else's needs into account.
I've been w/ someone long-term & I can totally understand your friend's feeling about it. You definitely seem to like being controlled & it's not that you "think" you're a "strong" person who can put up with him calling, etc. 20x's a day to see where you are now. You're just so used to being under his thumb that you're used to it. Have you ever in your life ever told him to stop calling & shut your phone off for the day? Yeah, I bet he'll be in a real tizzy then, ha! Try it for once in your life...perhaps you'll feel fabulous, like a great weight's been lifted. Why the heck does he have to know where you are every 1 minute of the day? (continued below after the other's post)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfcambridge
I also find your husband's behavior very sad, and while it may seem "healthy" to you to laugh it off and not be upset by it, THAT also makes me sad. You are laughing at his pain, you see?
Your husband needs medical care. Conditions like his often worsen with age.
I hope you can let his doctor know about his behavior. You can call ahead to give the doctor some information privately, and then his doctor would be prepared to ask a few questions at the next appointment. The doctor can be discrete and not reveal that you contacted him/her.
Just thinking about your husband's behavior makes ME anxious!
I agree here too! I don't care how anxious he is. This is HIS problem then to deal w/ it & get help. You have the right as an EQUAL spouse in this marriage to not be treated like a kid who needs watching like a hawk & have the freedom to do as you please & go where you want!
He's probably cheating on you & calling you to make sure he knows where you are & to know you're not coming home yet to catch him in the act. Yeah, I'm sure the OP's laughing this suggestion off too.
This isn't a marriage, it's utterly pitiful & sickening, but if you've lived like this for 30 yrs, you can live with it for 30 more & keep being a prisoner in your own home till you're all old & grey & never knew what it was like to do your own thing without being questioned about it. You better believe your husband wouldn't have put up w/ this if YOU were like this & treated him this way. He would have left you so long ago, your head would spin. If I'm wrong, someone out there tell me which MAN likes being kept tabs on 20, 30+ times a day?!
Last edited by Forever Blue; 10-26-2016 at 03:17 PM..
My husband does have some type of anxiety disorder. It's not an excuse. And yes, I know that I should be able to come and go as I please without being treated like a kid or watched like a hawk. Believe me, it may be reassuring in a way to know that someone is looking out for my safety, but I don't get my jollies from being under anyone's thumb.
There isn't much I can do to change my husband if he doesn't see the problem and doesn't want to change. The only person I can change is myself. So I deal with his anxiety as best I can, and having a sense of humor about it is one of those ways. Another way I plan to deal with it is, as I mentioned more than once before, turning off the iPhone option when I'm out.
I should say that he hasn't always been as anxious as he is now. It has gotten worse as he's aged. And there isn't a snowball's chance in hell that he is having an affair. If you knew him as I do, you'd laugh at the idea, too.
Thanks for replying. It seems you never want to leave him then, you're just coping with "what you were dealt". Is it because when you took your marriage vows, you're in it through thick & thin OR is it that because it's been 30 yrs, it's too long for you to make a change? It's NEVER too late to change if you're miserable. That's why us ladies have to be able to financially support ourselves at all times & put money away so when the @s$holes of a husband doesn't act right, we can say, "see you sucker, I don't have to put up with this BS!"
I'm all for long & happy marriages too, but to a certain extent...no one should be treat like so many wives do who stay in their marriage. I draw the line at the following (list below) & it's not going to take me even 2, 5, 10, 15, 20+ yrs of putting up with it first before I finally decide to leave in hopes that he'll change or I can change him:
If a house is on fire, does a person stay in there, get burned up, & die OR do they run out & save their lives? I wish you well & I hope for your sake that you're happy. If you're not, get out of it.
Re: the single comment, her post and yours are worlds apart. If the OP meant her post to sound the way that yours did, then she should have written it that way. You are also deciding what the OP meant, so don't act as if we are doing something that you are not.
Several people (in fact, the majority of the posters here) read the comment the same way.
RIght...because on c-d people never pile on...never get polarized and start to feed off each other...jumping on every innocent comment....nope, never.
And don't presume to act like the OP is somehow lying because she was not as expressive as another poster was that she agreed with!
I think you're both wrong. Your friend shouldn't be "angry." But neither should you dismiss it. I think you should steer your husband into therapy. Either he's insanely controlling, which is something that should worry you, or else he doesn't have a good grip on reality.
RIght...because on c-d people never pile on...never get polarized and start to feed off each other...jumping on every innocent comment....nope, never.
And don't presume to act like the OP is somehow lying because she was not as expressive as another poster was that she agreed with!
Tried to rep you again, well said. Some people need a house to fall on them to get it. Some feel all powerful and bash others, I don't get it. Personally, even IF she meant singles are selfish, that's no where near as bad as the beating she's taken from some posters.
Tried to rep you again, well said. Some people need a house to fall on them to get it. Some feel all powerful and bash others, I don't get it. Personally, even IF she meant singles are selfish, that's no where near as bad as the beating she's taken from some posters.
Seriously. If I didn't feel abused before, I do now after the beating I took in this thread!
Seriously. If I didn't feel abused before, I do now after the beating I took in this thread!
You've responded civilly to each poster who sought clarification. I respect you for that demeanor. And apologize for how some commentary that was less then diplomatic.
It took much to get to the substance of your mantra. The vow of in sickness and in health vow.
It's commendable.
I do think it's also important to get him in to seek medical attention. His antics could be accessed better by a medical professional. I hope you'll consider that avenue. As a spouse you do have a say in how well he can become. I wish you both a long and loving life together.
I'm only on page 2. I don't know whether you are a match made in heaven (because most people wouldn't put up with that for long), or if you are really out of touch with reality because you've been living this way for so long, or if you are making excuses for what is really unhealthy relationship behavior.
If my friend told me that story, I wouldn't think it was funny. I might get frustrated that she was putting up with that behavior.
I have anxiety. I worry when my husband travels. I hate flying. I worry if my kid or husband don't come home when they say they will; but holy cow... nothing like you described. I really don't think this behavior can be blamed on anxiety. What does he do when you aren't where you say you're going to be? What is inherently "bad" about being at that gas station? Why would he even question that?
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Some people need a house to fall on them to get it. Some feel all powerful and bash others, I don't get it. Personally, even IF she meant singles are selfish, that's no where near as bad as the beating she's taken from some posters.
