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Your husband needs medical care. Conditions like his often worsen with age.
Can medical care do anything about quirks like this? The described quirks seem deeply ingrained.
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Originally Posted by Bayarea4
Exercise? Bwahahahaha. Not going to happen. It's too bad because I go to the gym four times a week, and I know how beneficial exercise can be. My husband knows that he is welcome to join me at any time, and I could add him to the membership at a nominal cost, but he has no interest.
Yes - I have told the doctor about my husband's extreme anxiety. We see the same general practioner. I have already explained how my his behavior is negatively affecting my quality of life. Whether or not he will address this with my husband at his next visit I don't know, but as for me, I'm now approved for medical marijuana for this and other issues I have.
I agree with the person upthread who said that my husband's anxiety is a form of disability. I really believe that he was born with his brain wired that way, and that it may be genetic since his mother was exactly the same. With her as a model, he grew up thinking all that anxiety is normal. I'm shy and introverted myself and have my own psychological issues, so I am sensitive toward people who march to the beat of a different drummer.
Do I get something out of having a husband who is dependent upon me? Very good question. The answer is yes, I do. I came from an unstable background with neglect and, at times, emotional abuse. So I have a fear of abandonment and a greater need for emotional security than most people. My husband is my rock of Gilbraltar. He is completely devoted to me, and I never really knew what love was until I met him.
Try to force him to the gym for a trial period to see if it helps. Maybe it'll make him feel better and you won't need to force him after the trial period.
Doesn't marijuana cause paranoia? Maybe it is better to avoid it. I don't know if there's a difference between medical marijuana and the kind from the street.
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Originally Posted by dijkstra
Sounds like he has a screw loose. It actually sounds like the setup story Bill Curtis tells at the opening of one of the crime shows where the wife was found dead.
I miss that guy. I don't even know if he is doing shows anymore.
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Originally Posted by charolastra00
By all measures, we live in a much safer world than we did 50 years ago. Violent crime is actually down in the past few decades. The difference is that 50 years ago, you would only hear if someone in your town or maybe the next big city was murdered. If they were wealthy and white, it might hit national news. Now, every bad thing that happens everywhere is readily at your fingertips.
Isn't it just safer in the inner cities? Haven't other places become more dangerous?
Can medical care do anything about quirks like this? The described quirks seem deeply ingrained.
Not really, although antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications can help ease the symptoms.
Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousgeorge5
Try to force him to the gym for a trial period to see if it helps. Maybe it'll make him feel better and you won't need to force him after the trial period.
He won't go. I've asked and asked and asked.
Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousgeorge5
Doesn't marijuana cause paranoia? Maybe it is better to avoid it. I don't know if there's a difference between medical marijuana and the kind from the street.
Yes. THC, the active ingredient in cannabis that makes you high, can cause anxiety in some people. It also causes the heart to beat faster, which is not a good thing for anyone with cardiovascular disease. So medical cannabis probably wouldn't help him. It helps me, though, with anxiety and insomnia. I have to be careful, though, because I've also experienced anxiety as a side effect of THC, and it isn't pleasant.
The difference between recreational and medical cannabis is that when you buy ditch weed from a guy off the street, you never know what you're getting and there's no guarantee of quality. With medical cannabis, you know you are getting good quality from a licensed provider, you can select the exact strain that is best suited for your needs, and in many cases you might also know where it was grown and how much THC is in it.
Medical cannabis also gives you the option of buying it as edibles, tinctures or salves. I don't like to smoke, so I use edibles and tinctures almost exclusively.
Quote:
Originally Posted by curiousgeorge5
Isn't it just safer in the inner cities? Haven't other places become more dangerous?
Numerically speaking there is more crime in cities because there are more people there, but I think that other places can be dangerous, too.
If your friend has known you and your husband for 11 years, then I think it's significant that this made her angry. She knows the situation here from up-close for over a decade and it angers her. I just think that says a lot about the situation.
Your original question was whether or not your friend was out of line by being angry over your husband's obsessive tracking you, and why didn't she think it was funny, like you did. I think that's apparent, or should be. This behavior is not funny. The fact that you choose to deal with it, is fine. But, you shouldn't expect anyone else to think it's funny, because it's not funny. At all.
The only thing here that needs to be changed, in my opinion, is your acceptance that the rest of the world doesn't find your relationship with your husband to be funny or healthy. That doesn't mean that you won't continue to be happy with your husband. But, just don't expect anyone else to find the relationship cute or funny, and you'll be fine.
So, in the future, keep the husband OCD, stalking, whatever, stories to yourself, I guess. And don't be surprised by their reactions if you choose to tell them about how your husband behaves.
You said he has extreme anxiety and you mentioned he constantly worries that some terrible thing will happen to you.
I think it is amazing of you to understand, have compassion and a sense of humor for your husband's extreme anxiety. I think this falls into that category of "you can't change someone, you can only change your reaction to the situation". It is true love accepting someone's quirks.
I think it is exhausting to live with extreme worry. I think I worry too much about things I cannot control, it is exhausting.
I just simply wouldn't go anywhere with you due to the fact I would be concerned he might decide we were somewhere he didn't like, the cheese slide off his cracker and show up all psycho.
LOL! Unless my pal was respectful and left her tracking device behind (cell phone) I wouldn't hang around her either. If he is that anxious over fear she may be hurt, they need to get help for him. It's an unfair way to live and when/if she does pass away, what will happen to him? I'd be very concerned about this mentality if it were my husband. If I died, I would want him to be able to go on with life or do what I can, while alive, to help ensure his success.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that with anxious people you have to push back. Or they'll erode your freedom and happiness, bit by bit. And not suffer one moment of remorse for it.
It just seems odd that the OP's husband worries about her so much but if it ever came down to a real emergency he would be completely useless, stuck at home. Which probably means his anxiety isn't really about her.
If your friend has known you and your husband for 11 years, then I think it's significant that this made her angry. She knows the situation here from up-close for over a decade and it angers her. I just think that says a lot about the situation.
Your original question was whether or not your friend was out of line by being angry over your husband's obsessive tracking you, and why didn't she think it was funny, like you did. I think that's apparent, or should be. This behavior is not funny. The fact that you choose to deal with it, is fine. But, you shouldn't expect anyone else to think it's funny, because it's not funny. At all.
The only thing here that needs to be changed, in my opinion, is your acceptance that the rest of the world doesn't find your relationship with your husband to be funny or healthy. That doesn't mean that you won't continue to be happy with your husband. But, just don't expect anyone else to find the relationship cute or funny, and you'll be fine.
So, in the future, keep the husband OCD, stalking, whatever, stories to yourself, I guess. And don't be surprised by their reactions if you choose to tell them about how your husband behaves.
I can understand why my friend would react the way she did because she has been single for most of her life. She is accustomed to always having things her own way and not having to take anyone else's needs into account.
Wow it took you exactly zero time to attribute character defects to your "friend" because you overshared your husband's wacky behaviors.
Sorry but you live an abnormal life (by any and all measures)....and accept it (and manage to tell yourself it's "funny" for 30 years) but SHE'S defective because she's single (jab jab) and selfish?
Why do you even TELL her these stories since you know it bothers her? If she's your friend then obviously she knows all about him, and has given her opinion before. If you NEVER told her anything about his 30 year long behavior problems then what would you expect?
It's kind of like children who continue to argue in circles with their parents then complain about the parent when the simplest thing is simply DON'T ARGUE. But they live for the argument and it's a vicious cycle. Always wanting validation or to "change" the other one.
One must always ask "What is the payoff" in your type of circumstances. You know the answer to that. We ALL know our own "flaws".
I hope you're making legal and financial plans for your senior years when this behavior is 99% likely to turn into something ugly and completely unmanageable (see Caregiving Forum).
I would START with obtaining legal advise and taking it. Getting the proper powers of attorney in place so that you're not running around unable to "help" him when that time arrives.
I would approach it as "Since you're unable to function without me - and knowing my every move 24 hours per day, you need to sign these papers which allow me to legally make decisions for your welfare should you ever be unable to do so yourself.".
Of course, he won't. And that's why I AM one of those only-child-and-divorced selfish people, too.
ETA: Oh never mind.
I see in your posting history, he's 75 years old? So what difference does it make now, what she thinks, seriously. LOL. But my other advise still applies maybe moreso.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 10-25-2016 at 08:36 AM..
What I think you should do is turn off the tracking on your phone
I doubt this will happen because OP seems to be enjoying his complete dependence on her.
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