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i have had much worse sexist things said to me so i wouldn't worry, this is nothing. men like to problem solve. women are naturally looked upon as mothers/nurturers than problem solvers but as you say it is 2016 now. he probably just assumed you didn't know anything about it.
i have no clue about stuff like that so in my case his suggestion is valid. i wouldn't take this to heart i am sure he didn't mean to offend you
OP, I took the liberty of reviewing your other posts. From those posts and topics (many if not most have you as the originating poster), it is obvious that you are completely enmeshed in your extended family's lives – parents, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. While I applaud your care for your grandmother and your kindnesses to her and your grandfather when he was alive, several things jumped out to me.
You state that you live with your parents, so I assume that the house still belongs to them. In relation to this particular thread, I understand your male relative telling you to ask your father about your potential purchase. I still don't see it as "sexist" in any way without more context as to what was actually said.
A sampling:
1) You started a thread because you were upset that your mother was "mean" to you on multiple occasions and getting in your way in the kitchen when you were trying to prepare food for your grandmother.
2) You started a thread because you were upset last Christmas when your grandparents (most specifically your soon-to-die grandfather) apparently forgot to give you a Christmas gift though they may have meant the food gift that was sent to your parents to be for you, too – but you didn't know as they didn't say anything and your name was not on it.
3) You started a thread because you were unhappy with an 11-year-old male relative who you regarded as a "know-it-all" questioning your ability to fix a computer, etc., and generally being a jerky kid.
Here's what I think:
In all of your threads, I see nothing about a personal life – school, work, friends, interests – it's all about this role that you have seemingly taken on as family caretaker. I didn't see evidence that the role has been forced upon you. I think your irritation in the latest case and probably some of the others cited is because you do not feel personally rewarded for your "sacrifices." Try not to read this as a criticism – I would ask you to consider just why these things are bugging you so much and perhaps that the answer lies within yourself. What is keeping you there? What are you doing for yourself beyond caregiving? While I would certainly applaud helping grandma, I also wonder you are insulating yourself from having to get out in the wider world with these "responsibilities." You may have resentments you are not really admitting to yourself that you are cloaking in irritation with others – whom you feel are not properly seeing you as the competent adult that you wish to be regarded.
Just give it some thought.
Last edited by CatzPaw; 11-16-2016 at 05:09 PM..
Reason: Correcting an incorrect assumption
So did your relative specifically say he was glad you had a man look at the car?
You said yourself you liked having the second opinion. If your relative didn't specifically reference your friend's gender, then he simply echoed your exact thoughts.
To make a long story short, a male relative that I see a few times a year said something I find offensive and annoying in an email he wrote to me. It may not be a big deal to a lot of you, but it is to me. He basically indicated that I should check with my father on how much electricity a potential new appliance would use so I can determine whether it's cost effective or not. Basically, he's suggesting that as a woman, I am not capable of calculating the kWh the appliance will use and how much it will cost to run it per year. I find that offensive. This is 2016, not 1940. Women are very capable of doing anything a man can do. In fact, I do several home repairs myself and probably know more about tools than this male relative. I'm actually suprised at him. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, but I ,snip>expected more from a 50 year old <snip> man. I thought he would be liberated enough not to think like that. Even my 80 year old uncle knows better than that.
I'm supposed to respond back to this relative, but I cannot bring myself to do so without mentioning that what he said was offensive to me. So my choices are to ignore the email or find a way to politely tell him I was offended.
Suggestions? The email was sent five days ago and I'm still annoyed by it. I usually get over stuff pretty quickly.
If it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal to you. I think most of us here don't see the issue. But obviously it's something that is annoying *you*. Maybe it was his tone, maybe there's a history of misogynistic behavior, maybe he picks on you, I don't know.
If it bothers you, then speak up. Don't turn it into a joke, don't go passive aggressive, just act like a grown-up and tell him that what he said came across as being anti feminist.
To make a long story short, a male relative that I see a few times a year said something I find offensive and annoying in an email he wrote to me. It may not be a big deal to a lot of you, but it is to me. He basically indicated that I should check with my father on how much electricity a potential new appliance would use so I can determine whether it's cost effective or not. Basically, he's suggesting that as a woman, I am not capable of calculating the kWh the appliance will use and how much it will cost to run it per year. I find that offensive. This is 2016, not 1940. Women are very capable of doing anything a man can do. In fact, I do several home repairs myself and probably know more about tools than this male relative. I'm actually suprised at him. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, but I ,snip>expected more from a 50 year old <snip> man. I thought he would be liberated enough not to think like that. Even my 80 year old uncle knows better than that.
I'm supposed to respond back to this relative, but I cannot bring myself to do so without mentioning that what he said was offensive to me. So my choices are to ignore the email or find a way to politely tell him I was offended.
Suggestions? The email was sent five days ago and I'm still annoyed by it. I usually get over stuff pretty quickly.
Your remark (in bold) should give you the answer you're seeking.
Better not venture outside that plastic bubble you live inside.
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