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No way, I'd be done with these people. And I know what it's like to allow people to be crappy to you and give too many chances because you lack friends.
But, unless they came up with a very good explanation, a heartfelt apology and did something to make it up (have us over for dinner or take us out, their treat) then I'd behave as if they did not exist and never did.
I would just like to say that I personally would have found your invite a little off putting. Not bad, but it just seems a little weird to go from hanging out once to spending Thanksgiving together.
This may have sent off my spidey senses. The extra contact would be weird to me.
I know you meant well but I think this is a high pressure move. That does not mean they do not like you but maybe not Thanksgiving like you (yet)?
Also were they clear they would be the only ones? Nothing sucks worse than showing up for a holiday where everyone knows each other and you only know the hosts. That is not an hour commitment....it is like a 3 hour plus commitment.
If so, then the right thing to do would say, "thanks for the invitation but we already have plans".
If someone flakes on me once, I'll overlook it. The second time raises the proverbial red flag, and the third time defines the relationship as just an acquaintance.
Just a sidebar for folks to chew on:
My ex-wife would make plans for us without me being involved in the decision. Sometimes she'd do it right there in front of me. I can't explain exactly the level of awkwardness that I would feel......when I have to chime in and say "I think I'm working that weekend."
Better yet, we'd agree to plans and she'd break 'em at the last minute. That's life with a boozehound.
This invitation sounds somewhat informal to me. Was it something like: "We're making a turkey for Thanksgiving. If you don't have other plans, why don't you join us?" Sure that's clear to most people, but not eveybody. It may have been taken as a "We're doing this whether you show up, or not."
I'm not saying these are quality people that are worth your time, but if you really want people to show up (especially people you don't know), you have to be very specific in the invite.
What: Thanksgiving Dinner
Where: Address
When: The exact time you want them to be there (include an enticement like pumpkin spiced margaritas at 3:30)
Additional Directions: What to bring, what to wear
I've lived in a lot of far off places, so most Thanksgivings have not been with family. I think we ended up with 38 people at our house last year. Being married to a world renowned chef does help a little...
Awww, this makes me sad. It was rude behavior and life is short, distance yourself from them immediately. You will find new friends that have better manners.
Is there no room in people's heart for forgiveness? Sure, what they did was crass. But who knows what the reason was? Something big may have come up. I'm amazed at how quickly people are willing to throw away relationships around here. One rude act, and sayonara. If you ditch people for every little wrongdoing, you'll soon find yourself alone. I say give them one more chance. If they do it again, then get rid of them.
I must beg to differ. Unless one of them fell off a cliff or got shot, I can't see why they could not have at least acted adult enough to call the O.P at some point to say they changed their minds.
If they were well enough to cook for themselves as they admitted, that means they were well enough to use those same hands to call or text and say "we can't come."
Not about forgiveness. We can forgive people all day but that doesn't mean we have to give people a 2nd chance to spit in our faces. I'd forgive them but they'd never again get the chance to leave me hanging because I'd never invite them for anything again.
I agree with Truck Wife. Forgiveness works wonders for the person who was wronged---but it doesn't mean that we have to let that person back in our lives. To give them a second chance would be futile in my opinion. First of all, there is a chance they wouldn't want to get together with OP---could be embarrassed or not like her (and thus the blow-off on Thanksgiving). I wonder why people think they wouldn't do this again in the future? In dating and marriage, people typically put their self forward at the beginning, and then may go downhill from there. I don't think in friendship, people start out inconsiderate and flaking and then suddenly improve. That's never been my experience, anyway. Friends who I overlooked red flags/warning signals/rudeness, etc. never improved---some after years! It's not like they thought to themselves that I had been so tolerant for so long and been such a good friend that they really needed to clean up their act. Friends who treated me well from the get-go continued to do so and are still friends.
It is true that if you ditch people for every little wrongdoing, you'll end up alone. But this wasn't a little wrongdoing---it was majorly rude. And the worry about being alone is nothing compared to how you feel when you are repeatedly used and abused, especially by people who are supposedly friends. The worry about being alone seems to be related to a scarcity fear---that we don't have enough, aren't enough, etc. If we weed people out of our lives who aren't working well for us, we are just making room in our lives and hearts for those that will. And if those people never show up, we still have enough and are enough, even if spending most of our time alone.
OP, please let us know if this couple contacts you again. It's been two days---did they call/text to apologize? Somehow I doubt they will, but let us know if they do.
Last edited by jazzcat22; 11-26-2016 at 03:14 PM..
Forgiving them is fine. It's the part where the OP asks if they should still try and be friends that sorta took me back. It really read like she was some kind of lap dog begging for scrapes, sorry to be harsh about it. I have pride and if someone showed me that little regard, they'd be gone from my life. LOL.
What those people did is downright rude. The OP has no investment in these people to bother trying to make it work. The cavalier attitude that the people had about it was a real turn off, people are typically on their better behavior when you first meet them. How are they going to act when they are more comfortable around them if they were to be friends.
Always call to cancel no matter what happened. If unable to have someone else do it. I remember the time when my mom was being taken out to the ambulance she told me to make sure I cancel her hair appointment. Good manners stay with you no matter the situation.
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