Thanksgiving disappointment (business, wife, husband, guilty)

[Candh07]

Originally Posted by seain dublin

Lay low? They're not on the lam from the FBI or Tony Soprano....geez.

Lol! True that!

Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal

Years ago my husband and I were close friends of a couple who constantly cancelled at the last minute after we had gotten babysitters and were looking forward to going out. Because they were close friends we kept trying. But after the 4th or 5th time we stopped making any plans with them. They were not happy with us and couldn't imagine how their constant canceling was a problem for us. Sheeze. So rude and inconsiderate of others. Who needs friends like that?

That sucks! You made the right decision by moving on.

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

I agree. IMO, Thanksgiving is for family or close friends and people that you know well.

Originally Posted by seain dublin

When you just get done relocating to a new state, they're not with you and it may not be possible to fly or drive back to your home state for various reasons.
Did you miss the part where the OP and her husband just moved to a new state?

Exactely. It's our first Thanksgiving away from loved ones, and we thought it would be nice to extend a hand of friendship to a couple new to town, who were in a similar situation to us, away from family and friends. It was an invitation that they could have declined politely at any time.
I still don't understand how some bad/rude behavior can be excused or explained away these days. I believe in the golden rule "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", don't treat other people in your life poorly and with no consideration if you don't want the same to happen to you..

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

To quote Judge Judy, 'That should have been OP's first clue." The fact that she had to keep asking should have sent up a red flag. The couple obviously wasn't interested.

I'm puzzled by this statement. So they confirmed they were coming several times with my husband and I prior to the day. The day of, we ask in the morning what time they plan on coming, and they said they'd let us know. Where is it obvious they were not interested? Am I missing something?

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

The OP kept asking, which seems needy to me. Confirming means asking once. If you have to keep asking the answer is obvious.

What??? I don't follow your logic AT ALL.

Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks

Is there no room in people's heart for forgiveness? Sure, what they did was crass. But who knows what the reason was? Something big may have come up. I'm amazed at how quickly people are willing to throw away relationships around here. One rude act, and sayonara. If you ditch people for every little wrongdoing, you'll soon find yourself alone. I say give them one more chance. If they do it again, then get rid of them.

We both agree that forgiveness is a must. But we do believe in having INTEGRITY. If someone shows you they have no regards or respect for you as a person or as a human being, if you see character flaws that may lead to you getting hurt down the line, would you want to cultivate a friendship with such an individual? In every potential relationship, you should always put your best foot forward. Sure we all make mistakes, but there is a big difference between making mistakes along the way but having good intentions, and treating someone poorly and not giving it a second thought.

[Candh07]

Originally Posted by Sage 80

They are rude and inconsiderate.

They're obviously not interested being friends with you, if this is how they treat you when you invite them over for Thanksgiving dinner. I don't understand why you'd entertain the thought of giving them another chance to kick you in the arse again. Why you would want a "friendship" with people like that?

Lol, don't worry Sage, that gesture destroyed any chance of friendship..hey, their loss!

[Candh07]

Originally Posted by TruckWife518

I must beg to differ. Unless one of them fell off a cliff or got shot, I can't see why they could not have at least acted adult enough to call the O.P at some point to say they changed their minds.

If they were well enough to cook for themselves as they admitted, that means they were well enough to use those same hands to call or text and say "we can't come."

Not about forgiveness. We can forgive people all day but that doesn't mean we have to give people a 2nd chance to spit in our faces. I'd forgive them but they'd never again get the chance to leave me hanging because I'd never invite them for anything again.

Totally with you on that Truckwife518! I have in the past accepted invitations and didn't feel like going afterwards. But guess what? It would have taken a "bullet" or "a cliff" for me not to show up. Your word is bond, if you don't keep your word, how can people trust you or count on you?

[Candh07]

Originally Posted by jazzcat22

I agree with Truck Wife. Forgiveness works wonders for the person who was wronged---but it doesn't mean that we have to let that person back in our lives. To give them a second chance would be futile in my opinion. First of all, there is a chance they wouldn't want to get together with OP---could be embarrassed or not like her (and thus the blow-off on Thanksgiving). I wonder why people think they wouldn't do this again in the future? In dating and marriage, people typically put their self forward at the beginning, and then may go downhill from there. I don't think in friendship, people start out inconsiderate and flaking and then suddenly improve. That's never been my experience, anyway. Friends who I overlooked red flags/warning signals/rudeness, etc. never improved---some after years! It's not like they thought to themselves that I had been so tolerant for so long and been such a good friend that they really needed to clean up their act. Friends who treated me well from the get-go continued to do so and are still friends.

It is true that if you ditch people for every little wrongdoing, you'll end up alone. But this wasn't a little wrongdoing---it was majorly rude. And the worry about being alone is nothing compared to how you feel when you are repeatedly used and abused, especially by people who are supposedly friends. The worry about being alone seems to be related to a scarcity fear---that we don't have enough, aren't enough, etc. If we weed people out of our lives who aren't working well for us, we are just making room in our lives and hearts for those that will. And if those people never show up, we still have enough and are enough, even if spending most of our time alone.

OP, please let us know if this couple contacts you again. It's been two days---did they call/text to apologize? Somehow I doubt they will, but let us know if they do.

Love your post. You are right. No call or text since Thursday. We will definetely not contact them again, and at several people's suggestion, if we do run into them or hear again from them, we will politely say hello and keep it moving. We plan to only take away the positive parts of this year's Thanksgiving. We have plenty to be thankful for: to have each other, a roof over our head and that there are still many folks out there with a good heart, are loving and know how to treat others better.

[double6's]

jerks...write 'em off and move on, or there'll be more of this in your future..

[Icemodeled]

Aw that is disappointing and I definitely wouldn't like to rely on them to follow through with future plans. I would maybe be friendly still, see if they reach out.. If not or if it happens again I wouldn't continue a friendship.

Very much understand.. We just moved 1000 miles away from home and were unable to visit family. We do not know anyone so it was just the two of us. We had a good time still but missed everyone!

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by LovingMaui16

This invitation sounds somewhat informal to me. Was it something like: "We're making a turkey for Thanksgiving. If you don't have other plans, why don't you join us?" Sure that's clear to most people, but not eveybody. It may have been taken as a "We're doing this whether you show up, or not."

I'm not saying these are quality people that are worth your time, but if you really want people to show up (especially people you don't know), you have to be very specific in the invite.

What: Thanksgiving Dinner
Where: Address
When: The exact time you want them to be there (include an enticement like pumpkin spiced margaritas at 3:30)
Additional Directions: What to bring, what to wear

I've lived in a lot of far off places, so most Thanksgivings have not been with family. I think we ended up with 38 people at our house last year. Being married to a world renowned chef does help a little...

Did you not read what the OP wrote? [B]We invited them to have Thanksgiving dinner with us, a couple weeks ago and they accepted the invitation. We confirmed with them this week, and they said they were coming, and would bring a dish.


That's what you call an invite and accepting the invite. You don't need Martha Stewart engraved invites sent out otherwise it's all "informal".

When you're invited to someone's home and you accept, you show up, or at the very least you call and say "sorry, we can't make it".

What is it with making excuses for bad behavior these days? Is it not PC to call it what it is?



[/b]

Originally Posted by TruckWife518

I must beg to differ. Unless one of them fell off a cliff or got shot, I can't see why they could not have at least acted adult enough to call the O.P at some point to say they changed their minds.

If they were well enough to cook for themselves as they admitted, that means they were well enough to use those same hands to call or text and say "we can't come."

Not about forgiveness. We can forgive people all day but that doesn't mean we have to give people a 2nd because I'd never invite them for anything again.

PS: Scooby Snacks, I like your name. Cool.

chance to spit in our faces. I'd forgive them but they'd never again get the chance to leave me hanging

You got it TruckWife!

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by Candh07

Lol! True that!



That sucks! You made the right decision by moving on.





Exactely. It's our first Thanksgiving away from loved ones, and we thought it would be nice to extend a hand of friendship to a couple new to town, who were in a similar situation to us, away from family and friends. It was an invitation that they could have declined politely at any time.
I still don't understand how some bad/rude behavior can be excused or explained away these days. I believe in the golden rule "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", don't treat other people in your life poorly and with no consideration if you don't want the same to happen to you..



I'm puzzled by this statement. So they confirmed they were coming several times with my husband and I prior to the day. The day of, we ask in the morning what time they plan on coming, and they said they'd let us know. Where is it obvious they were not interested? Am I missing something?



What??? I don't follow your logic AT ALL.




We both agree that forgiveness is a must. But we do believe in having INTEGRITY. If someone shows you they have no regards or respect for you as a person or as a human being, if you see character flaws that may lead to you getting hurt down the line, would you want to cultivate a friendship with such an individual? In every potential relationship, you should always put your best foot forward. Sure we all make mistakes, but there is a big difference between making mistakes along the way but having good intentions, and treating someone poorly and not giving it a second thought.

You got it, treat people the way you would like to be treated.

The ones making these ridiculous excuses I bet wouldn't like it done to them, nor would these two dolts you were nice enough to invite like it done to them, but hey it's other people so who cares right? A very sad sign of the times.

I have run into this even in professional situations, someone drops the ball or doesn't get back to you and you get excuses for them. I had it two weeks ago, "well maybe his dog died", "maybe his dad is in the hospital", it was none of that other than being incompetent. But right away with excuses.

As I said earlier "if your mother had been a man she would have been your father", enough with nonsense excuses.

They were rude and have no class.

Yes, if you see them out and about "hello" and keep walking.

[mschrief]

Originally Posted by Candh07

So, we just relocated to a new state a few months ago, and prepared to spend Thanksgiving away from family/friends for the first time. We know this couple who also relocated not long ago, from the same state we relocated from. They came to visit us once before, since their relocation, and we hung out and had a good time. We invited them to have Thanksgiving dinner with us, a couple weeks ago and they accepted the invitation. We confirmed with them this week, and they said they were coming, and would bring a dish. This morning, I sent a text message, asking what time they'd make it, and that we'd be having dinner around 4 pm. 2 hrs later, a reply comes saying they would let us know. Then, silence, until my husband calls around 3.30pm to find out what their status is. Vmail and silence until 5.30pm, then he gets a reply saying they just finished cooking themselves and were about to eat at home, and probably won't want to go anywhere after that"...
They are new to town, and we had a first hangout that seemed to be going well with some common interests, but this left a sour taste in our mouth, since we bought extra food and spent all day cooking, expecting them to come...We feel if we accept someone's invitation, we couldn't pull something like that, and let them hang high and dry without our conscience bothering us.

What do you think, is there a chance for a solid frendship there?

Absolutely not. Unless you want to befriend totally rude people. You can do better.

[Nancy in Nokomis]

I would never want to be friends with these people - they are either rotten, rude or just plain nuts - even if a major fight or emergency came up they should have explained and let you know ASAP.