Telling very obese family member not to sit on furniture (issues, father)

[eddie1278]

I'm sure most fat or obese people keep in mind of where they are sitting knowing it might not hold their weight. My "father" had a best friend that had to be close to 600 pounds also. My father would always flat out say to him "is your fat ass going to fit in that" or something like that. I remember he broke the toilet where it bolts to the floor when he sat down. All the porcelain tiles around the toilet were cracked.

Put two chairs side by side to put one ass cheek on each chair to distribute the weight

[hunterseat]

I had an internet friend who needed help so I flew out to help her. She had horses but said she wouldn't ride because she needed to lose about 200 pounds. I was astounded when I finally met her face-to-face. I'd say 200 is on the low side of what she needed to lose. We went to a Chinese restaurant and there was no where for her to sit. She wouldn't fit in the chairs that were fixed to the tables. The owner was able to find a folding metal chair for her. Very sad. She had been like that forever. She was new to the area and she complained about how people looked at her. She was a good hearted person and I said it would just take time for people to get used to seeing her but once they knew her they'd love her. She was shocked and asked "you think it's because I'm fat??!!" I was horrified that she didn't realize it and that I said it. Anyway, there's not easy way but they know their own weight. Personally I'd pick up a used very sturdy but comfortable chair - just one. Tell them "I got this for you" and I'd serve them in that chair. If you have to, make meals buffet and let guests mill about and sit where they want with their plates. TV trays? You can't have them hurting themselves when your furniture breaks.

[charmed hour]

Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom

I used to weigh more than 400 lbs and it didn't stop me from riding a bike or walking my kids to school or walking my dogs around the neighborhood or going to theme parks or the zoo with them, or going shopping at 7 or 8 different stores in a day. Most people assumed I weighed about a hundred pounds less than I actually did. People aren't good at guessing weight.

I know their weight for a fact as I'm their medical proxy and discuss their medical issues with their providers. I'm also the one carting them around to said appointments and they live in my home. When I was 252 pounds I could literally hide behind my mother in law. She's that large. And being that large has exacerbated other health issues such as lupus and venous insufficiency. She's in danger of losing both her legs at the knee.

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by Luvvarkansas

Btw, my 700-lb friend died instantly at age 53 when his heart just stopped. He was a great guy, but hard on furniture, for sure.

I believe my uncle was around 600 lbs when he died in his early 50s too. He was not very mobile and could not stay awake very long. Laid down for a nap one morning and that was it.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by brocco

People think I'm being irrational when I say that getting fat is one of my biggest fears. I don't think I am. This thread is scary. Thinking about being morbidly obese is terrifying. And its real. So very real.

Now now. Don't be afraid. Go get some ice cream. It will make you feel better.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by saibot

People in California don't have couches? Funny, I've lived in California all my life (notice how I do not call it "Cali") and everyone I know has a couch.

Thanks, I wondered what that meant.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

Thank you for sharing. I am glad that you did not have the health issues (joint problems, difficulty walking, etc.) that many people that are overweight have.

I do admit that it is very hard to judge someone else's weight or size. I remember when I asked a co-worker & close friend if she wanted a somewhat expensive outfit that I had recently purchased and couldn't return (the color & fit weren't right on me, but I thought that it would look great on her). I had assumed that we wore about the same size (XXL). She was horrified and told me that she was a size L and how could I possible think that we were "about the same size". Man, that was the last time that I ever did something like that.

Ha, I am very tall, and I worked with a woman who wasn't quite as tall as I am but still around 5'9 and large-boned. I always thought of us as being about the same size, then I saw a picture of us together and was shocked to realize she's probably 2 sizes smaller than I am. You know how anorexics look in the mirror and see a fat person? I look in the mirror and see a thinner person!

[joe moving]

600 pounds???????? I am under 200 and have broken my mother's kitchen chairs!

you might need to put out sturdier chairs for when this person visits.

[beera]

This is going to sound callous but why is your ex coming over 8 times a month? That's twice a week, does he stay over or just come by and pick up his kids and drop them off later?

I'm assuming you are trying to keep an amicable relationship but you can do that without him staying at your house 8 times a month and without inviting him to spend holidays with you.

I would stop inviting him in, furniture saved. He can pick up the kids to see them them drop them off later.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by beera

This is going to sound callous but why is your ex coming over 8 times a month? That's twice a week, does he stay over or just come by and pick up his kids and drop them off later?

I'm assuming you are trying to keep an amicable relationship but you can do that without him staying at your house 8 times a month and without inviting him to spend holidays with you.

I would stop inviting him in, furniture saved. He can pick up the kids to see them them drop them off later.

I was wondering that, too.

While I only know a few divorced couples, usually when the father picks up the children for visitation time he is only there for a couple of minutes while the child/children is/are getting their coat on and he & his ex-wife are confirming when he will return with the child/children. That is certainly not enough time to sit down.

Heck, I know one couple where (I'm pretty sure) the ex-spouse never even steps foot inside the house. The children are exchanged on the doorstep.

And, these were/are very, very amicable divorces where both parents are civil and cordial to each other.

How long is your ex in your home that you are worried about him sweating on and breaking your furniture?