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I think we can stop calling this a "dinner party". The OP had family over for soup. Nothing wrong with that. I enjpy soup as well as family get togethers. But I would never describe it as a dinner party.
The OP named the thread "Dinner Party Where......."
Does the food served matter that much? The point is why don't people focus on the time spent together? It seems like being mannerly is a dying art. I don't mind politely refusing the meal I just thinks it's over the top and rude to bring your own meal without at least letting the hostess know in advance.. This particular family member is known for being unkind.
I certainly understand why your feelings might be hurt if you put in the work and effort to make two types of soup and your guests did not touch them. My feelings would be hurt, and I'd be upset, too.
That said, did you think about the irony of the statements that I just bolded?
As for your other comments, even though it might not "kill" someone without a food allergy to eat certain foods, as someone with crippling lifelong acid reflux, I can tell you that I might feel close to death eating tomato soup. I take several medications for my problems, and most of them work pretty well, so I might go days or weeks without any flare-ups.
The most minor of things can cause a flare-up, though, and when that happens, I have literally been known to lock myself in an acquaintance's bathroom, stretch out on my stomach on the (not-so-clean but could not possibly care at that point) cold vinyl floor and roll back and forth, wanting to scream in pain and willing myself to make it through it. I'm not talking about minor indigestion or heartburn, which I have certainly experienced my fair share of and know is uncomfortable...I'm talking about so much pain in my stomach that I wish someone would punch me in the face and knock me out so that I won't have to deal with it. So no, I might not "die," but if I'm going through a flare-up like that, actually bringing myself to your house and grimacing through a smile and small talk is extremely, extremely difficult...without the acidic tomato soup.
I truly am sorry that your dinner party did not work out, though. I would be heartbroken, and I definitely understand why you are upset. I just think you shouldn't take it personally. They came to see you, which was the important part.
Wow I'm blown away, 29 pages of posts to this topic. OP, there are people whose throats seal up from anaphylaxis and they die if they have seafood. My ex hub would be in the hospital if he had tomatoes. Many people eschew creamy soups because they are too rich and fattening - your SIL brought a healthier, broth-based soup. Maybe they are lactose intolerant, would you have preferred them farting and running to the toilet all evening?
I think the coup de grâce was your husband eating 'the other woman's' food - et tu, Brute? Reminds me of those coffee commercials in the 70s where the wife thinks to herself, 'that's funny, he never asks for a second cup at home...' when they are at a dinner party. I get the feeling based on your mentioning that someone you invited to your home is 'known for being unkind'. Why invite someone into your house if you already don't like them?
My sister would show up for my parents' regular Sunday lunches for the whole family, bringing her own fast food and feeding herself, her husband, and her three kids, even though my parents spent hours preparing traditional tasty dishes from our heritage. Other times she would announce, 'oh, we already ate at PF Changs'. The rest of the family was like, oh well, more for us!
I can't ever get offended for someone not eating the food that I prepare. This is such a personal choice, what we feed ourselves, especially now this day and age where people are very conscientious about health and nutrition. Some people lack adventurousness because they have bland palates, others because they grew up exposed to nothing more than corn dogs and mac n cheese from a blue box. But in many cases, people avoid trying foods because they know what their bodies tell them, and which foods trigger adverse outcomes. Instead of feeling insulted and burned, turn a gracious cheek and offer to prepare foods they are able to eat in the future. I would just shrug it off.
We served Clam Chowder and Tomato Bisque Soup in Bread Bowls which is traditionally served in bread bowls.
I wouldn't eat either one. Can't stand clams plus I eat mostly a vegan diet. And tomatoes area a nightshade plant which many people avoid for health reasons.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pll
I would encourage people not to do this. It's very insulting to the host or hostess.
Would it be less insulting if the guests just drank water instead? Why do you want people to eat food they do not like or cannot eat for health reasons?
I don't see why you don't ask her point blank why she brought her own soup?
I would say, "I doesn't go in the bread bowls, you need a different kind of bowl"...
There should be communication so you can have the right kind of bowl and oyster crackers.
I may have missed this, but does she have kids? Maybe the kids are picky? It is best to ask and find out if they dislike your cooking. I would be blunt about it.
It ruined your plans, but you could have worked with it, had you known..........
Nobody knows why, or who the problem is. so people are 'supposing'. How is that helpful?
The OP named the thread "Dinner Party Where......."
She also worded it "brought her own food" on purpose to make it sound like she brought food just for herself rather than as a contribution to the dinner, so I think OP slanted her title to get the responses she wanted.
sounds like a good idea, some people are vegans or vegetarians, other just don't trust people touching their foods, I've seen people who are scratching their nose while cooking, who wants a man with hairy hands to cook their food? Not me.
Way to completely miss the point of my post. As originally written, it was a response to another poster who decides based on whether he finds the food in question appetizing, not whether there was a health issue involved.
As pointed out ad nauseam in this thread, an allergy, health issue, or other dietary restriction is a completely legitimate reason to ask the question. But one asks before the dinner party and plans accordingly, rather than simply show up with whatever the heck they want to eat.
You make a very good point.
I guess I don't understand the OP's annoyance however. Perhaps because I don't throw "dinner parties" but it wouldn't bother me if someone brought food to be shared. Seems some people just get upset over the slightest thing these days.
Clam chowder is a heavy meal, very rich, and it has protein both from the clams and the cream.
Actually, cream has very little protein - it's mostly fat. The protein (and calcium, if you're wondering) stays with the milk, not with the cream skimmed off the top.
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