Dinner Party Where Guests Show Up With Their Own Food (grandmother, house)
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I am just wondering if the OP's guests actually declared as they walked in that they brought their own food (in other words, that they had absolutely no intention of eating what the OP had cooked)?
If so, then yes, I think they were rude unless there was a known restriction/allergy (the people involved were apparently family so perhaps that didn't need to be discussed overtly since it was probably already common knowledge in the group). However, I would also think they were rude for even accepting the invitation to dinner if they knew all they were going to do was annoy the host/hostess.
It just seems to me we might be jumping to conclusions here (and the OP may have too .. or not but I don't see enough explanation to decide that). If these people were just graciously trying to add to the meal, as opposed to replacing it or showing some kind of disdain for the OP's cooking, etc., then perhaps we should all give them the benefit of the doubt?
If they didn't know what was being served (i.e. the exact types of soup, even if they knew it was to be a soup meal), perhaps they just preferred the type they brought and since it was on the table, they ate some. I think it might have been rude of the host/hostess to not offer them a proper bowl though if they were going to eat that soup instead of the cream based ones - because obviously he/she laughed to herself when she saw the result of putting that kind of brothy soup into a bread bowl. I also think there is something else going on here (family dynamics being what they can be sometimes) anyway since the OP was so upset that her own spouse would eat their food.
I think it is not the best manners to show up with food if it wasn't requested. But I also think the OP overreacted.
Smile, set their soup out with yours, enjoy the company.
Depending upon how the OP issued her invitation, the guests might have misunderstood. An invitation to a soup night might be misheard as everyone brings a soup. It's just not something to get so upset about.
Next time, OP, when you invite them state really clearly that it is not necessary for them to bring any food. Or else ask if there are any food allergies you need to be aware of.
I'm kinda old school about dinner invitations; if we were invited to dinner, i usually ask the host/hostess if there are anything they like me to make/bring to complement their meal, and if told no. I still show up with a bottle of wine and a host/hostess gift to enjoy THEIR meal without complains. I have had fantastic means, some just ok and some are just not pleasant. I would ONLY bring food like that in the scenario OP described is if any members of my family is on strict dietary per doctor orders, allergies, IBS/crohns. My son is very allergic to peanut butter and ALL kinds of nuts, and 95% of times in going to other peoples home where mealtimes is happening, i bring his meal with us. Safer all round for him, stress free for me AND the host/hostess.
doubt it. This whole subject is pretty cut and dried. If it's not a pot luck supper, you don't show up with your own food. There is no justification, no excuse, nothing. It is just an insult to the person who worked hard to cook the meal in the first place.
If soup bringer knew you were already serving soup to arrive with a third soup is very strange behavior on their part. You said this person is unkind, I think she's a weirdo like my sister in law.
My sister in law, who always has to take over, did something similar. She and her family were invited to my house for a birthday dinner for two people in my home who have birthdays a day apart. Wife had cooked dinner and we had two birthday cakes for dessert. One chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and a second with no chocolate at all partly because sister in law's son was allergic to chocolate.
In walks sister in law with two birthday cakes as if we would forget to have birthday cake at our own family birthday dinner. We just went with it and served all four birthday cakes after dinner.
She tries to be the boss of the extended family and easily turns on people she previously liked. Does other strange things like take as many centerpieces as she can grab at weddings, etc. Took home the flowers she bought for my wife's funeral. Just generally a weird person.
You can't choose your family and sometimes they're people you would have nothing to do with if they were strangers. You have to decide how much you will or won't interact with them and how much weirdness you can tolerate.
I always bring my own food to my MIL's house. I tell its because of dietary restriction but its just because her food is gross.
For thanksgiving I brought a group dish it happened to be my SIL made the same thing. I did tell my MIL but she forgot to pass it on. Everyone only ate mine and my SIL gave me dirty looks all night.
But I think they were going above and beyond ice cream, topping, and soup. I would just ask them not to again.
I always bring my own food to my MIL's house. I tell its because of dietary restriction but its just because her food is gross.
For thanksgiving I brought a group dish it happened to be my SIL made the same thing. I did tell my MIL but she forgot to pass it on. Everyone only ate mine and my SIL gave me dirty looks all night.
But I think they were going above and beyond ice cream, topping, and soup. I would just ask them not to again.
I don't want to read numerous pages so I know I'll likely repeat something.
Sounds to me like soup and bread bowls were the feature meal, am I right? I assume so, and the OP obviously told them beforehand what kind of soups they would be. In that case, the guests SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING if they can't partake of the soups being served. If one of my friends invited me over for homemade sushi, I would not hesitate to remind her that I do NOT eat sushi and could not accept the invitation. There would be no point in my sitting at the table with an empty plate (and, no, I would not take a separate meal for myself).
I'm kinda old school about dinner invitations; if we were invited to dinner, i usually ask the host/hostess if there are anything they like me to make/bring to complement their meal, and if told no. I still show up with a bottle of wine and a host/hostess gift to enjoy THEIR meal without complains. I have had fantastic means, some just ok and some are just not pleasant. I would ONLY bring food like that in the scenario OP described is if any members of my family is on strict dietary per doctor orders, allergies, IBS/crohns. My son is very allergic to peanut butter and ALL kinds of nuts, and 95% of times in going to other peoples home where mealtimes is happening, i bring his meal with us. Safer all round for him, stress free for me AND the host/hostess.
I agree with the above post! I always ask what I can bring and if I'm told "nothing" I still bring something to share. It's just being polite. If your guest already knew you were making soup then they should have brought something else unless (as others have stated) they don't care for that specific soup or they have dietary restrictions. If they only ate the soup they brought then I would have asked why they were not having some of yours as well. If they just coincidently brought soup not knowing that is also what you were making then I'm not really understanding what the big deal is?
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