Dinner Party Where Guests Show Up With Their Own Food (member, children)
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How long have you been hosting these soup dinners?
I get invited to a relatives thanksgiving. Every year I hope it gets better. Food isn't that great, but I go because it's family and I can go home and eat something else.
I serve myself very little and it's easy to hide things I didn't eat. Might not be so easy to hide the soup?
Whatever happened to being a gracious guest? If I'm a guest at someone's house, I eat what is served and lie, if I don't like it. OP said this was family, so there could be more to the story.
We know a family in which the wife and children are vegetarian. I always make sure to include meatless dishes, but the wife usually brings a casserole that they can eat, in order to not cause the hostess any trouble.
I have a friend who is a very picky eater. It used to irritate me that she would grill me about what I was serving, as if I intended to gear the meal around her. At first, I just told her I hadn't decided yet. Finally, I just stopped inviting her. If I had a dinner party I made sure she heard about it. After awhile, I invited her again and she never asked what I was serving.
Were the bread bowl soups the only offerings you had for your guests?
I do agree that it's rude to bring food without consulting with the host/ess. More than likely, they've put effort into selecting a menu meant to complement and balance.
That said, if I knew that I were going to a party where the only offerings were a clam chowder and a tomato bisque in bread bowls, I'd be put in a very awkward situation. I don't eat clam chowder and I can't have the bread bowls. I would probably have some tomato bisque to be polite, but it wouldn't be my first choice, and a meal with no protein would leave me very unsatisfied. So either I would have to eat beforehand, or I would have to shorten my stay and leave to go eat something else. If they were aware of the menu, I can understand why they would feel driven to bring some additional food, though I question bringing a third soup.
Does the food served matter that much? The point is why don't people focus on the time spent together? It seems like being mannerly is a dying art. I don't mind politely refusing the meal I just thinks it's over the top and rude to bring your own meal without at least letting the hostess know in advance.. This particular family member is known for being unkind.
We had green salad, shrimp cocktail, salsa chips, edamame,.We offered 2 kinds of soup Clam Chowder and Tomatoe Bisque.. They brought apple pie, ice cream and whip cream.
In the future it will be more appropriate to meet up with this couple in restaurants. They are very picky eaters and would be better served and satisfied in a restaurant. Btw, the husband was very polite and ate everything.... twice.
Whatever happened to being a gracious guest? If I'm a guest at someone's house, I eat what is served and lie, if I don't like it. OP said this was family, so there could be more to the story.
We know a family in which the wife and children are vegetarian. I always make sure to include meatless dishes, but the wife usually brings a casserole that they can eat, in order to not cause the hostess any trouble.
I have a friend who is a very picky eater. It used to irritate me that she would grill me about what I was serving, as if I intended to gear the meal around her. At first, I just told her I hadn't decided yet. Finally, I just stopped inviting her. If I had a dinner party I made sure she heard about it. After awhile, I invited her again and she never asked what I was serving.
On the surface, yes, I agree. That's what someone should do. The OP is being rude, though, expecting a guest with an allergy or intolerance to be polite at the expense of their own health.
This day and age it's practically guaranteed that someone will not be able to eat the food provided at an event. Whether they are vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, paleo, losing weight, gaining weight, or have food allergies there are a lot of unique dietary needs out there.
It would have been polite for them to explain or ask up front. I do think it is rude to just bring it along, particularly so the host knows how much food to prepare.
My views on the subject are:
1) If I am personally following any special diet (typically I am not), asking me to break it for your event will typically cause me to have to turn down your invitation. That's just how it is.
2) I like to see my friends/family and want them to be happy with the food they are eating. I'd rather them bring their own along and feel comfortable with their food versus feeling forced to partake in what I have provided. More so, I'd much rather get to spend time with my friends/family versus not. If it requires them bringing their own food then it is no big deal to me.
Does what is served matter that much? The point is why don't people focus on the time spent together. It seems like being mannerly is a dying art. I don't mind politely refusing the meal I just it's over the top and rude to bring your own meal without at least letting the hostess know in advance.. This particular family member is known for being unkind.
We had green salad, shrimp cocktail, salsa chips, edamame.. They brought apple pie, ice cream and whip cream.
In the future it will be more approptiate to meet up with this couple in restaurants. Btw, the husband was very polite and ate everything twice.
Along a somewhat similar vein, what's with the bring your own everything parties? We were invited to one such party a while back. The host said, "Bring your own drinks and snacks." Uh, OK. In my world, when a guest is invited to a party, they don't have to provide their own refreshments. It's part of being a guest at a party. If you have to bring everything yourself, what's the point of going? You might as well meet the hosts at a restaurant or something.
My wife said that back in her partying days, her friends drank heavily and everyone drank something different, so it wasn't unusual for the hosts to tell guests to BYOB so they didn't go broke providing everyone's booze and also because they couldn't possibly offer the varieties of alcoholic beverages the guests wanted. I can understand the BYOB idea. But the host could perhaps offer beer or at least Cokes to the guests, and they can surely offer snacks to them. When hosting parties, I have always offered one type of beer, wine, Coke, and snacks. It's expensive, so I don't do them often, but that seems like the socially correct course of action in my view.
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