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Are they Asain? This story sounds very similar to many I have heard in the past from Asian families.
Tell them you'll chip in $1,000 for the funeral, using the $4,000 cremation pricing. And ask which sister will take mom in now.
These are the family members from hell. Are these sister in denial about what the parents were like and only trying to convince themselves they were great. Or was your wife the least loved child.
Isn't it hilarious when someone else tries to spend your money.
Last edited by foundapeanut; 01-22-2017 at 11:26 AM..
The rest of the family (my wife's three sisters) now are saying how wonderful their father was and how he deserves a great send off. The best casket, a two day visitation at the funeral home, a fancy funeral and a huge reception for family and friends. Estimated cost about $20,000...
Trouble is, the rest of the family does not have any money and are living pay check to paycheck.
It is always amazing to see how rich someone's tastes are so long as they are not paying the check.
Funeral expenses are what life insurance is for (among other things). Tell the rest of the family they are free to buy the biggest funeral they can stick on their credit cards, but you are not participating. And no, you won't lend them the money; that's what banks are for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curious Investor
Because my wife's mother will not have her now deceased husband's Social Security checks anymore...
Are you sure about that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curious Investor
she will not have enough money to pay her mortgage and cover other expenses, so we were told that we should send her a $1000 a month to cover the shortfall. Her parents stopped paying on the term life insurance and, again, no one else in the family has any money.
She should immediately sell the house & move in with one of your wife's siblings.
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Look, at the end of the day, this is going to have a significant impact on you & your wife's relationship with her family. They will not understand why you don't just spend every penny you have on this situation until you, too, are broke. They will never understand. Don't try to make them understand; they won't get it. They are the type of people for whom there is no need for savings because all money should be spent today without regard to tomorrow.
You need to have a conversation with your wife about how you protect your family (you, your wife, any children).
Remember: "NO" is a perfectly acceptable answer to every request to send money to relatives who are indigent. You do not need to elaborate.
You: "NO, I will not send $1K per month."
Them: "But why? You have the money??"
You: "Perhaps you didn't hear me. NO, I will not send $1K per month."
Them: "WHY?"
You: "NO."
Them: "How much can you send?"
You: "NO."
Them: "Surely you can afford $500"
You: "Let me quote Admiral William Frederick (Bull) Halsey Jr., "HELL NO. Strongly worded memo to follow."
Can the mother get a reverse mortgage? There is no way you need to spend a thousand a month on her, she has to downsize, sell the home if she can't find a way to stay there, on her own, I can see helping out with groceries or something every now & then, but not funding a lifestyle she cannot afford.
Anyone here have strains on their marriage due to the death of their spouses parents and the drama connected to the arrangements?
About a week ago I started a discussion on City Data about my wife's father being on his death bed and how she did not want to spend the time and money to say goodbye to her Dad after a lifetime of coldness from both her parents. Well after a week of suffering, the lord has send my wife's father home. He has died and now we are in funeral planning mode.
The rest of the family (my wife's three sisters) now are saying how wonderful their father was and how he deserves a great send off. The best casket, a two day visitation at the funeral home, a fancy funeral and a huge reception for family and friends. Estimated cost about $20,000.
Trouble is, the rest of the family does not have any money and are living pay check to paycheck. My wife is the only person who has any money and were were told that we will pay for the whole event. We owe it to him and the family because we could not find the time to visit him on his death bed.
Our money situation is good, but not excellent. We are retired.
Because my wife's mother will not have her now deceased husband's Social Security checks anymore, she will not have enough money to pay her mortgage and cover other expenses, so we were told that we should send her a $1000 a month to cover the shortfall. Her parents stopped paying on the term life insurance and, again, no one else in the family has any money.
Your thoughts and your own experiences regarding how your relationship with your spouse was impacted by the death of his or her parents.
She should have SS survivor benefits. The minimal drop in her income, if any, will be compensated for by only one Medicare premium, only one person to feed and clothe, etc. I doubt that she will need a subsidy. If she is full retirement age, she will receive 100% of her deceased husband's SS amount.
The last thing she needs at her age is a mortgage, and this is a great time to sell a home. If she is as lousy at managing money as it seems, she could take the equity and buy an annuity that would supplement her SS.
How many of the sisters are living with mom rent-free?
Last edited by Larry Caldwell; 01-22-2017 at 11:43 AM..
She can't decide so it is a relationship issue. After much discussion, she changes her mind every few hours.
Why are you allowing her to make the decision to begin with? It sounds like you need to learn how to handle your wife. And she needs to learn how to handle her family. If she won't do it, you should. What kind of man would allow his in-laws to "tell" him what he's going to pay for?
"Gee, does she really need $1000 a month from me? How much will you be contributing?"
Multiply this question times the number of people who think you ought to do this, then add up the amount they are going to contribute to determine if she really needs $1000 from you only.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell
She should have SS survivor benefits. The minimal drop in her income, if any, will be compensated for by only one Medicare premium, only one person to feed and clothe, etc. I doubt that she will need a subsidy. If she is full retirement age, she will receive 100% of her deceased husband's SS amount.
The last thing she needs at her age is a mortgage, and this is a great time to sell a home. If she is as lousy at managing money as it seems, she could take the equity and buy an annuity that would supplement her SS.
How many of the sisters are living with mom rent-free?
I bet that the deadbeat sisters really want you to pay their expenses. Or you give Mom $1,000 a month so that she can give the entire $1,000 a month to her other daughters.
Mom can sell her house and move into a senior living apartment, low income housing or move in with one of her daughters (who think that she and dad were 'wonderful parents'). There are plenty of options that do not include you paying $1,000 a month.
Personally, I wouldn't spend a dime on an elaborate funeral. If there is no money at all, a cardboard casket for a cremation, cemetery plot, and modest grave marker.
It's also not your problem to pay for someone to live beyond their means. If she can't afford a 1 bedroom apartment, help with that. You are retired. It's not bottomless. She probably needs to be in subsidized elderly housing. Help get her on the waiting list.
The bigger issue comes when she can't live independently. Assisted living costs a fortune. You need to have a contingency plan for that. You should probably have a meeting with the social worker who deals with the elderly in that town. This happens every day.
So I think you have an obligation to make sure she is safe. You have no obligation to pay for an elaborate funeral or unaffordable housing. It might turn out that chipping in on mortgage, taxes, insurance, and utilities is the cheapest way to go in the short term. I don't know the numbers. And don't yield to the family pressure. They are where they are because they made poor decisions. Don't allow them to force a bad decision on you.
^^ Absolutely this!!
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