Wife's father has died. Now there is family pressure to pay for fancy funeral and support her mother (retirement, deleted)
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I wouldn't be so sure that your wife's sisters are living as paycheck to paycheck as they want you to believe. My sibling is already manipulating my parents with sad song and dance about how frugal they have to be, how they're living paycheck to paycheck, how I am the one with plenty of money to spare.
1. You don't owe the family anything.
2. If you want to help with the final expenses, direct cremation is the way to go.
3. You don't have any obligation to support your mother-in-law.
4. You don't owe the family anything.
Maybe come at it from a different angle. How much CAN you afford to contribute to a funeral? Come up with a figure, and offer that. that might get your wife thinking it really isn't a black and white issue, pay/don't pay.
As for supporting Grandma...well, I would need to see some cold hard figures before I agree to anything. Exactly what are her assets and expenses? Are they going to expect you to fork over 1000 a month, then mismanage that for you? I bet they are!
How about you tell them, you won't be helping Grandma out financially until she gives your wife Power of Atty. That should shut them up.
Now we see why your wife didn't want to have anything to do with them. She should keep it that way.
I wouldn't be so sure that your wife's sisters are living as paycheck to paycheck as they want you to believe. My sibling is already manipulating my parents with sad song and dance about how frugal they have to be, how they're living paycheck to paycheck, how I am the one with plenty of money to spare.
FWIW my sibling's household income is $200k.....
Ha!
I also know a family where that happened.
Mom & Dad thought that Son A & Family were having serious financial problems so they "chipped in" lots of money to "help support" their grandkids plus they pressured Son B to also chip in. It turned out that Son A had twice the income of Son B but just spent boatloads of money on "adult toys" (snowmobiles, a boat, new cars, etc.), expensive restaurant meals, and fancy vacations while his brother lived frugally within a budget.
1. You don't owe the family anything.
2. If you want to help with the final expenses, direct cremation is the way to go.
3. You don't have any obligation to support your mother-in-law.
4. You don't owe the family anything.
That's certainly not the value system I have. $20K funeral? Nope. Let a parent go homeless? I'd never do that. I'm not going to lodge them in Trump Tower with a huge staff to cater to them but I'm going to make sure they're safe.
Maybe come at it from a different angle. How much CAN you afford to contribute to a funeral? Come up with a figure, and offer that. that might get your wife thinking it really isn't a black and white issue, pay/don't pay.
As for supporting Grandma...well, I would need to see some cold hard figures before I agree to anything. Exactly what are her assets and expenses? Are they going to expect you to fork over 1000 a month, then mismanage that for you? I bet they are!
How about you tell them, you won't be helping Grandma out financially until she gives your wife Power of Atty. That should shut them up.
Now we see why your wife didn't want to have anything to do with them. She should keep it that way.
If they are helping Grandma with the mortgage then they should get a piece of the equity - in addition to any future share of the inheritance - in return.
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