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Long emails are fine as long as there is some back and forth. When you get a long email with every little detail of what someone has been up to but they can't be bothered with asking you "what's new?" or "How are you doing?" it gets old. Or barely acknowledging what you write back, it's rude.
I mentioned this earlier, I have a friend who lives back east I will get a four or five paragraph email and they either start it or end it with "hope all is well", that is nothing but a shallow canned comment.
I live in CA and the last email they go on and on about their weather, don't bother to ask me if the large storms we had one after the other impacted me(It did I had some water damage in the house), I have mentioned this in the past, even in a joking manner like "I'm fine, thanks for asking".....LOL. So I have now distanced myself.
Has nothing to with just younger people, this person is in their 50s, they should really just do Facebook. Because emails mean back and forth, not just doing a newsletter on your life and showing no interest in the other persons.
I suspect that's what happened in this case.
Friendships should be a two way street.
I see what you are saying. However, my friend always follows up about what I said in my e-mail and expresses how much she cares about us. She is an amazing lady. So all is good...
When I said maybe younger people might not like long emails, I meant that they seem to usually like text better or can't/don't want to concentrate on a long email.
Sometimes people just drift apart when they aren't in close proximity to each other. On the other hand, sometimes good friends just DUMP you - and not always for reasons you understand.
Phone: In 35 years we have spoken on the phone maybe 3 times. They lead busy lives and have always preferred email and now texting.
Illness: Our mutual friend sees the other couple a lot and they are aging but not ill.
Email content, i.e., only talking about me, me, me: Nope. They weren't.
I recently asked our mutual friend what is going on since I have received no replies to emails and she was very surprised. They exchange emails weekly from what our friend says.
I tend to think we are out of sight, so out of mind. And we way overestimated the friendship. Oh well.
As to the cabin trip - I am leaning towards not going. I think it will be awkward.
It's a difference in loyalty.
Some people just have more loyalty and less friends and some people just have no loyalty and/or more friends than they know what to do with.
Some people move abruptly into another life phase (ending going out and partying is a good one) and just decide they don't need that person anymore. I think lots of people.
I personally think it's bad practice. Even if you're a totally selfish person/couple, those people could come in handy. Who knows, maybe their brother is a car mechanic or they move to Hawaii eventually...
Look, obviously you're not a young person. I see no where in your post about picking up the phone and calling them.
You say you send long emails, and it's sound like it's all about you.
I'm not saying this is the same situation but I have a "friend" for almost as long, since college. They live in MA and I live in CA.
I get long emails as well, all about them. All they say regarding me is "hope all is well" but never ask a damn thing. Everyone knows CA was recently pummeled with rain and mudslides and even loss of life. I know they watch the national news, not one question about did you have any problems from those big storms(I actually had about an inch water in part of the house).
Other times they don't even acknowledge what I write back. For example I lost both my parents a few years ago, and a year apart. They know I was close to my parents, I mentioned in an email back in April it was my parent's wedding anniversary. Never commented back and just went on talking about an issue they were having at work.
So maybe you do the same thing? I love to hear about what's going on with people, but when you start to realize things have gotten one sided, you feel like "why bother?". They're not interested in you, just want to do a newsletter on themselves.
Regardless, I don't get why you just don't call.
Have a "friend" just like this. 2 hours Me, Me, Me convos. Funny too, she just had a party. So from about 6 months before the party I got non-stop communication, texts, you name it. Went to the party and literally my table of her "friends" went completely unacknowledged until about 20 minutes before the party ended. She never bothered to even formally introduce anyone to her fiance, which I find odd in itself. They didn't really even interact with one another lol. Well guess how many texts I've received since..1 LOL
I personally think it's bad practice. Even if you're a totally selfish person/couple, those people could come in handy. Who knows, maybe their brother is a car mechanic or they move to Hawaii eventually...
So you pretty much just keep people "around" in the background, so you can use them for something later on...
Wouldnt just having them on your FB be easier lol?
I know what it's like to have friends or family come through town and not see you or stop for a visit. It's happened to me. I am "done" with begging family members to come and visit me or spend time. I've been through that with several first cousins of mine, who have apparently made the decision that I am just part of their childhood memories and nothing more.
Just a note to all of you who are trying to puzzle this out. This relationship, like any that goes back for a length of time, is full of complexities and nuances and subplots. I can assure you that sexual liaisons are not one of the subplots. But you know how life is, weird stuff happens. You get pulled into odd little side dramas over the years. Friends get divorced and then friends of the divorcees sometimes take sides, for instance, and that affects all kinds of friendships. Stuff like that. Perhaps I should not have even posed this question as trying to sleuth it out would mean a deep dive into all this history which I am not going to do.
The comments here have been very helpful. I have a better idea what to do. Thanks to all!
Just a note to all of you who are trying to puzzle this out. This relationship, like any that goes back for a length of time, is full of complexities and nuances and subplots. I can assure you that sexual liaisons are not one of the subplots. But you know how life is, weird stuff happens. You get pulled into odd little side dramas over the years. Friends get divorced and then friends of the divorcees sometimes take sides, for instance, and that affects all kinds of friendships. Stuff like that. Perhaps I should not have even posed this question as trying to sleuth it out would mean a deep dive into all this history which I am not going to do.
The comments here have been very helpful. I have a better idea what to do. Thanks to all!
Good for you! Sometimes all it takes to get a problem solved is to talk to somebody about it for a while. It gets the wheels turning and eventually your answer has time to form.
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