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They moved. They have new friends. Maybe something changed in their life. I wouldn't stress over it. Go to the cabin. Enjoy your little vacation. I don't see what the problem is. People move on all the time.
I feel the same way. I'm guessing you two couples have different activity levels. Perhaps they settled in to their new home in a way you didn't. They don't think about their old life all that much. Perhaps they keep in touch with the other couple because they are closer to them. Do they have adult children/grandchildren that they spend time with? That can be really time consuming. My brother has two children and four grandchildren. I have neither. Which one of us do you think has more time to talk? If I got offended because he didn't return my E-mails or even phone calls, I'd be offended all the time.
I have dropped so-called friends over the years for various reasons, including:
1) They're too clingy; i.e. calling and/or e-mailing all the time.
2) They've said or done something to make me angry.
Note that it's one thing to contact someone once or twice to see if they're still interested in hanging out with you. However, if you continue doing this - without any response from them - they will definitely get irritated.
We have been friends with another couple for 35 years. We both moved out of our city at the same time, to different cities, about 5 years ago. We went to visit them in their new house several times and they expressed interest in coming to see us but never have even though we know<snip> that they have visited close by and it would have been easy to drop in to see us. But in the last year or so they have stopped answering email. I have sent a couple of long ones, full of news about us, asking about them and got no answer.
A mutual friend of ours planned a short trip to a cabin she rented and invited us and the other couple. But I am feeling really awkward about the whole thing. I have the distinct impression that our long time "friends" are not really that much of friends anymore. So we are probably going to decline the invitation.
It is pretty strange for us; we are not aware of any reason they would decide to dump us or ignore us. No disputes, we have similar politics and interests. It is just a mystery to us. Kind of depressing actually to find out that things are not always what you think they are.
What do others think? Am I over-reacting?
It's weird how some people just get flaky for no reason. That being said, I wouldn't decline the invitation.
So you pretty much just keep people "around" in the background, so you can use them for something later on...
Wouldnt just having them on your FB be easier lol?
No, I don't.
I'm the very loyal. I have very few friends. I've never broken a friendship.
I was saying that about other people who ghost on friends. There's no point to completely cut it off, even if you're in it for selfish reasons.
I feel the same way. I'm guessing you two couples have different activity levels. Perhaps they settled in to their new home in a way you didn't. They don't think about their old life all that much. Perhaps they keep in touch with the other couple because they are closer to them. Do they have adult children/grandchildren that they spend time with? That can be really time consuming. My brother has two children and four grandchildren. I have neither. Which one of us do you think has more time to talk? If I got offended because he didn't return my E-mails or even phone calls, I'd be offended all the time.
It's pretty rude IMO to not return emails and texts when it takes 1 minute to do so.
I mean, not returning one every now and then? Fine. My best friend and sister do that occassionally, but they do get back to me.
But not returning long ones where somebody tells you what they've been up to?
I wonder this myself about people. Some people can drop others like a hot rock, and I never understood that. If there's closeness over a long period of time, you should be able to talk about things. A friend is someone who knows your faults and loves you anyway. I'm usually the one in any relationship that does the calling, and although I'm not crazy about it, if I waited for others to call me I'd never see anyone. One must accept others for who they are. They may have their own doubts, fears, worries, or are just very busy. Not every month without a call is a deliberate jab. And just because one person gets offended, that does not necessarily mean the other person was wrong. It could have been a misunderstanding, or projecting, envy, you never know. Since none of us are perfect, we must accept others for who they are, too. I've been blown off, but seldom was it a surprise. Deep down, you know when someone is a user.
Texting and email have been around for 18 years at the most. So three phone calls in 17 years. You remind me of my inlaws who have driven away all of their friends and most of their family by being so self centered.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoByFour
Phone: In 35 years we have spoken on the phone maybe 3 times. They lead busy lives and have always preferred email and now texting.
Illness: Our mutual friend sees the other couple a lot and they are aging but not ill.
Email content, i.e., only talking about me, me, me: Nope. They weren't.
I recently asked our mutual friend what is going on since I have received no replies to emails and she was very surprised. They exchange emails weekly from what our friend says.
I tend to think we are out of sight, so out of mind. And we way overestimated the friendship. Oh well.
As to the cabin trip - I am leaning towards not going. I think it will be awkward.
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