Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Phone: In 35 years we have spoken on the phone maybe 3 times. They lead busy lives and have always preferred email and now texting.
Then they were not close friends as you presumed.
Even if they aren't "talk on the phone people", if you were close friends with this couple for 35 years, you could still pick up the phone, tell them you miss them, and ask how they're doing.
What did I miss? Is there a new rule that says no conversation must ever be awkward or uncomfortable for anyone? Doesn't anyone develop enough coping skills these days to manage the occasional uncomfortable situation?
How does anyone maintain honest, open relationships anymore without ever having to talk about the uncomfortable stuff?
Friends I'd known for this long I'd just plain ask in a gentle manner and prepare myself for the truth. What good are friendships based on anything less? If it is something that you do or have done ask for help from them about what you can do to improve things between you if you want to continue the relationship.
The longer you dance around it the crazier it gets. Might be a simple misunderstanding.
And the other couple who is renting the cabin? I wouldn't bring them into this at all at this point. If you really want to up the level of uncomfortable togetherness that would be a sure way to do it. Talking behind someone's back when you're all going to be together later makes for hidden agendas and even if they're well-meaning it stifles spontaneity.
Apparently there is. Very sad that people can't just pick up the phone and have a conversation.
I can kind of understand someone under 25 as they have been programmed to think talking on the phone is a bad thing, but not someone in this age group.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan
Then they were not close friends as you presumed.
Even if they aren't "talk on the phone people", if you were close friends with this couple for 35 years, you could still pick up the phone, tell them you miss them, and ask how they're doing.
I know....LOL. I don't like talking on the phone myself, but come on.
And how were they emailing 35 years ago? Something doesn't add up with this story.
Sounds more like all three couples at one time were neighbors and maybe had kids that were friends, they all moved away but were never really close friends.
Just on the off chance your friends have stopped talking to you because they felt you talked about yourself more than you asked about them...
I had a friend like this and I finally blew up and told her how I felt. She immediately said she was sorry, but I didn't trust things would be any different, so I blew her off for a while.
What worked to get us back on a friendly basis, was that she just started occasionally sending me texts that just said, "I miss you." Nothing about her. No blame games or wanting to hash out details, which I wouldn't have been willing to do.
Then, after months of that, and me sending simple responses asking how she was, giving her one-sentence news texts about me, we did finally have a phone conversation, and she made sure she had a private place to call me and had her hubby watch the kids. She made a huge effort to have a phone conversation that wasn't cut short after blabbing about herself in the car, as soon as she reached her destination. I always just felt like a time-filler with her.
So, our friendship is rebuilding, and I'm really glad about it. I just wanted to share that what worked was her just simply saying that she missed me.
Another long-term friend - the Canadian friend - I don't see us ever rebuilding the relationship. Her husband is very controlling of her and would also hit on me. I never told her that he did, but of course, it was awkward. And when he finally realized nothing was ever going to happen - I told him men come and go, but good female friends are too hard to find - he would then sabotage our time together. And most of her talk was complaining about how he controlled her and all the awful things he did, but it became clear she'd never leave him and I was sick of hearing about it.
That's why I mentioned that maybe someone hit on someone. And there's the possibility that one of them is trying to keep you apart for some reason, too.
Only you would have a clue if it might be any of the above. But, if you decide to make an effort with them again, I'd start out by just saying, "I really miss you. How are you?"
Anyway, whichever way it goes, I hope you feel okay about the outcome. Good luck.
We had this happen to us years ago. I grew up with a close buddy, we were friends from the time we were about 12 until we were in our mid 30's. Saw each other and socialized with our two wives almost every week.
Suddenly, the friendship went totally cold. They just stopped coming by or answering our calls. One one occasion, when I did reach him, he was a little distant, and then that was it. We do not know to this day what we did to offend them, if anything. But we never saw them again, and we moved some time after that to another State.
Sometimes the past is best left in the past, so I am not sure I want to know why this happened.
People move away, their lives change and sometimes lose touch. It is what it is..
I say - overreacting.
An email went unanswered so now you want to decline an invite to what sounds like a perfect opportunity to spend time with old friends and enjoy catching up...? smh. So petty.
* Ffr though, most people really hate those kind of long winded emails..lol
Really? I have a wonderful friend who sends long emails and I enjoy them very much. Maybe younger people don't like them.
People change, especially older people. They get forgetful, cranky or picky, or maybe have health problems they don't want to discuss. All this happened with some of our old friends whom we hadn't seen in a long time. We tried to get together anyway but it didn't work out well. They were rude and had all of the above-mentioned personality traits. I wish we had just let the friendship die and at least we would have had untainted memories of them.
Just what I was going to say. OP, I would simply assume that after the move, they've made new friends locally, and/or are busy in the community, and haven't put a priority on maintaining old friendships who aren't close by. I wouldn't take it personally. Of course, you'd think that firing off a newsy email wouldn't be that big a deal, but who knows? Maybe they don't have a lot of good news to share. You have no idea what their situation is. It's sad to lose good friends (especially after 35 years), but there's nothing you can do, but move on, and look for new friends.
One thing we haven't considered is that they may be too lazy to answer or are procrastinators. One would hope very good friends would rise above that but....
It seems to me that people in general now don't put as much value on good friendship as in the past.
Really? I have a wonderful friend who sends long emails and I enjoy them very much. Maybe younger people don't like them.
Long emails are fine as long as there is some back and forth. When you get a long email with every little detail of what someone has been up to but they can't be bothered with asking you "what's new?" or "How are you doing?" it gets old. Or barely acknowledging what you write back, it's rude.
I mentioned this earlier, I have a friend who lives back east I will get a four or five paragraph email and they either start it or end it with "hope all is well", that is nothing but a shallow canned comment.
I live in CA and the last email they go on and on about their weather, don't bother to ask me if the large storms we had one after the other impacted me(It did I had some water damage in the house), I have mentioned this in the past, even in a joking manner like "I'm fine, thanks for asking".....LOL. So I have now distanced myself.
Has nothing to with just younger people, this person is in their 50s, they should really just do Facebook. Because emails mean back and forth, not just doing a newsletter on your life and showing no interest in the other persons.
I suspect that's what happened in this case.
Friendships should be a two way street.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
