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Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
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Opinions vary on lateness typically based on if a person operates on a linear,flexible or cyclical time orientation. Sometimes it's just that particular person but different cultures orient time in their own way. Most of the Western world is linear oriented whereas India is cyclical.
There's quite a bit I learned about this just by Googling several years ago to try and understand my own failure to meet time expectations of others. I know being late is considered rude by the majority and its not that I'm late to be rude,get attention or avoidance. It's just that I process time a different way and unfortunately I seem to have been born,into a culture that it's considered a disadvantage.
I always use this example if your not sure which orientation you fall under.
If your meeting a friend for lunch at 11am and they show up at 11:01 are they late? I'm not asking if your upset but if one minute past the agreed upon time is considered late even if justified. If so your probably linear. When I tell someone to meet me at 11am and they show up at 11:15 it's not what I consider late. To me there's no big discernable difference between 10:55,11:00,11:15. It's close enough for me to be flexible that they are indeed on time. So what if by 12pm they still aren't there,we'll most people by that point will be considered late unless you are cyclical. Cyclical reaction would be well there's other stuff going on that probably affected the situation and you'll see them another time . Next time things might be different or they might not. Either way it's not worth worrying about or judging their character over something which can be justifiable due to circumstances beyond their.control.
That's what it all boils down to . Do you control ,work with or simply submit to time.
I am always early....why I don't know, however, this is a discussion, no need to tell her she doesn't need to get all pissy about it, she's not.
The title was, how long do you wait....
remember, we're all different, we all have our own personal cultures....what is reasonable to you, might not be reasonable to me and so forth....
My "pissy" comment wasn't directed at really anyone, I was talking generically.
This is a forum. I offered my opinion just like you and others have offered opinions. There wasn't anything in my post that could have offended people, not remotely. I know this because I parse every post I make for fear of getting put on vacation.
I made a prime rib every Christmas dinner. I'm talking 7 ribs which is a very expensive piece of meat. My younger sister, showed 1 hour late....and the meat sat and sat, and cooked more until it was ruined...I will never wait again...but not only was that rude to me, but to my other guests.
I hosted Thanksgiving one year at my MIL's home, in my husband's hometown. My MIL wanted everyone at her house, but wasn't up to the work involved, so I volunteered to do it. I sent out WRITTEN invitations to everyone (all of my MIL's adult grandchildren were included), the other siblings, etc. The time was on the invitation. I followed up with emails to everyone.
The day of Thanksgiving, I'm in the zone in the kitchen, things are moving along nicely, going in and out of the oven, etc., etc. Eye on the clock -- yep, right on time, perfect . . .
My SIL had offered to bring the turkey because her DH liked to smoke it, so that was the only thing missing.
Thanksgiving dinner was supposed to start at 2 pm.
The turkey arrived at 3:45 pm, because "they got busy", without responding to texts or phone calls. Two of the seven grandchildren showed up at 4 pm, because they had "lost track of time" at the stable.
The dinner was ruined. I was furious. I just quietly put the food on the buffet. The green beans looked miserable, the casseroles were "old" and drying out at that point, the homemade rolls were old and starting to toughen up . . . I could have cried. All that work for nothing. And then my BIL had the nerve to say, "Well, we didn't think you were SERIOUS about 2 pm!"
That was the last dinner I cooked for them. Never again. If I hadn't been so furious, I would have served it to our family that was present, put the leftovers in the fridge, and gone to a movie.
I hosted Thanksgiving one year at my MIL's home, in my husband's hometown. My MIL wanted everyone at her house, but wasn't up to the work involved, so I volunteered to do it. I sent out WRITTEN invitations to everyone (all of my MIL's adult grandchildren were included), the other siblings, etc. The time was on the invitation. I followed up with emails to everyone.
The day of Thanksgiving, I'm in the zone in the kitchen, things are moving along nicely, going in and out of the oven, etc., etc. Eye on the clock -- yep, right on time, perfect . . .
My SIL had offered to bring the turkey because her DH liked to smoke it, so that was the only thing missing.
Thanksgiving dinner was supposed to start at 2 pm.
The turkey arrived at 3:45 pm, because "they got busy", without responding to texts or phone calls. Two of the seven grandchildren showed up at 4 pm, because they had "lost track of time" at the stable.
The dinner was ruined. I was furious. I just quietly put the food on the buffet. The green beans looked miserable, the casseroles were "old" and drying out at that point, the homemade rolls were old and starting to toughen up . . . I could have cried. All that work for nothing. And then my BIL had the nerve to say, "Well, we didn't think you were SERIOUS about 2 pm!"
That was the last dinner I cooked for them. Never again. If I hadn't been so furious, I would have served it to our family that was present, put the leftovers in the fridge, and gone to a movie.
Wow! I would have been livid if I was the cook! And, maybe punched my BIL for that comment (or at least strongly considered punching him).
And, I would have waited at most 15 minutes for the late comers and then served the meal at 2:15 to everyone who was there.
One of our relatives loves to host holiday meals. He's a great cook and has a big house. Most holiday meals are about 20 people but a few have been closer to 30 people. He has also hosted meals for 40 to 50 people (but usually those are buffets not sit down meals)
He times every food to the minute with a huge spreadsheet. He says that we can arrive 45 minutes before the scheduled meal time if we want drinks and appetizers and people start to sit down at the table about five to ten minutes before "meal time". And every meal is served exactly on time.
Trust me NO ONE is ever late to his holiday meals (well, actually over the years a few people have been late by a couple of minutes but they are never late a second time as everyone is always sitting down and eating when they arrive & it is pretty embarrassing for them to be late).
Last edited by germaine2626; 03-07-2017 at 08:36 PM..
When meeting someone for lunch, dinner or an appointment are you:
• usually early
• on time
• little late (5 min.)
• always late (more than 5min.)
• habitually late never on time
What is a reasonable amount of time to wait ?
I'm sure there's already a thread on this subject.
I had this conversation with someone recently and he said the thing he couldn't stand the most besides the person showing up late is that they don't acknowledge and apologize -absolutely no accountability on their part for being late.
I'm usually a little early or on time but I've been late before and the first thing if I've kept someone waiting is offer an apology.
I've decided I'm not going to wait more than 5 min. for the habitually late people. It doesn't matter if they call or not.
If the on time people are running late and call I'll wait.
The on time people I know when we meet for lunch or dinner we're usually driving in the parking lot at the same time.
I was going to meet an acquaintance for dinner and I had the feeling she would be late so I asked her are you an on time person or a late person.
She replied, I'm always late. I said, well then I can't meet you for dinner because I don't wait for late people anymore. I was glad she was honest so I didn't waste my time.
To the on time person how long do you wait for someone that is late ?
To the habitually late person how long do you expect someone to wait for you ?
The wait-time potential would depend entirely on what this person had to offer you and how likely you were to collect it. You know what I'm talking about, but the PC Police would be after my hide, if I were more explicit.
I hosted Thanksgiving one year at my MIL's home, in my husband's hometown. My MIL wanted everyone at her house, but wasn't up to the work involved, so I volunteered to do it. I sent out WRITTEN invitations to everyone (all of my MIL's adult grandchildren were included), the other siblings, etc. The time was on the invitation. I followed up with emails to everyone.
The day of Thanksgiving, I'm in the zone in the kitchen, things are moving along nicely, going in and out of the oven, etc., etc. Eye on the clock -- yep, right on time, perfect . . .
My SIL had offered to bring the turkey because her DH liked to smoke it, so that was the only thing missing.
Thanksgiving dinner was supposed to start at 2 pm.
The turkey arrived at 3:45 pm, because "they got busy", without responding to texts or phone calls. Two of the seven grandchildren showed up at 4 pm, because they had "lost track of time" at the stable.
The dinner was ruined. I was furious. I just quietly put the food on the buffet. The green beans looked miserable, the casseroles were "old" and drying out at that point, the homemade rolls were old and starting to toughen up . . . I could have cried. All that work for nothing. And then my BIL had the nerve to say, "Well, we didn't think you were SERIOUS about 2 pm!"
That was the last dinner I cooked for them. Never again. If I hadn't been so furious, I would have served it to our family that was present, put the leftovers in the fridge, and gone to a movie.
I'm sorry but that was pathetic of them to do....my sisters and brother is the same way, and ya want to know why? Because Mom, left them get away with it. I wasn't their real daughter, so they were hard on me, (of which I'm very grateful for, every time I see how self imposed my siblings are.)
Boy, there is nothing that makes you feel more unappreciated when people do that, and then they have the nerve to say, "Well, we didn't think you were serious about 2 p.m." Did you ask them what they could be thinking?
How rude....bet that made you feel awful after all that expense and work?
Good Grief...sounds to me, like very bad upbringing.....
When meeting someone for lunch, dinner or an appointment are you:
• usually early
• on time
• little late (5 min.)
• always late (more than 5min.)
• habitually late never on time
What is a reasonable amount of time to wait ?
I'm sure there's already a thread on this subject.
I had this conversation with someone recently and he said the thing he couldn't stand the most besides the person showing up late is that they don't acknowledge and apologize -absolutely no accountability on their part for being late.
I'm usually a little early or on time but I've been late before and the first thing if I've kept someone waiting is offer an apology.
I've decided I'm not going to wait more than 5 min. for the habitually late people. It doesn't matter if they call or not.
If the on time people are running late and call I'll wait.
The on time people I know when we meet for lunch or dinner we're usually driving in the parking lot at the same time.
I was going to meet an acquaintance for dinner and I had the feeling she would be late so I asked her are you an on time person or a late person.
She replied, I'm always late. I said, well then I can't meet you for dinner because I don't wait for late people anymore. I was glad she was honest so I didn't waste my time.
To the on time person how long do you wait for someone that is late ?
To the habitually late person how long do you expect someone to wait for you ?
In the days of ubiquitous mobile phones, there is zero excuse for making someone wait without at least a message that says, "Hey, I'm running late." If it's unusual behavior from that person, I'll wait a while. If it's normal behavior, I am gone in ten minutes.
More to the point, if you are habitually late, then you are a seriously rude and self-centered person. You make it to concerts and airline flights on time. Why do you make your friends wait on you?
I waited....4 hours once , and would do it again
It was for my mom...She was retained on the runway because the airport was on lock down for a potential terrorist threat. (DC area).
Some folks deserve to be welcomed to safety after such a fiasco.
So as to how long... I say it's contingent on the person's welfare .
Thanks for that bit of self-congratulation, but that's not what we're talking about.
For a meal: One hour, unless they call. (I don't have meals with anyone I am not close to.)
For a medical/dental appointments: As long as it takes, so long as doesn't interfere with something else I have going on. (I realize that sometimes the doctors need to deal with emergencies.)
For a salon appointment: 10 minutes. (I used to wait longer, but I have learned that if a stylist is late, she will usually not do a very good job on me as she is rushing to "catch up".)
Btw, I am ALWAYS at least five minutes early to any kind of appointment, and if it is a first time going somewhere or if it is more than a few miles away, I usually leave at least 20 minutes early just to be sure I'm on time and don't get lost or delayed by traffic. I think not keeping people waiting is just being considerate, polite and respectful.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 3,030,800 times
Reputation: 3911
Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga
I hosted Thanksgiving one year at my MIL's home, in my husband's hometown. My MIL wanted everyone at her house, but wasn't up to the work involved, so I volunteered to do it. I sent out WRITTEN invitations to everyone (all of my MIL's adult grandchildren were included), the other siblings, etc. The time was on the invitation. I followed up with emails to everyone.
The day of Thanksgiving, I'm in the zone in the kitchen, things are moving along nicely, going in and out of the oven, etc., etc. Eye on the clock -- yep, right on time, perfect . . .
My SIL had offered to bring the turkey because her DH liked to smoke it, so that was the only thing missing.
Thanksgiving dinner was supposed to start at 2 pm.
The turkey arrived at 3:45 pm, because "they got busy", without responding to texts or phone calls. Two of the seven grandchildren showed up at 4 pm, because they had "lost track of time" at the stable.
The dinner was ruined. I was furious. I just quietly put the food on the buffet. The green beans looked miserable, the casseroles were "old" and drying out at that point, the homemade rolls were old and starting to toughen up . . . I could have cried. All that work for nothing. And then my BIL had the nerve to say, "Well, we didn't think you were SERIOUS about 2 pm!"
That was the last dinner I cooked for them. Never again. If I hadn't been so furious, I would have served it to our family that was present, put the leftovers in the fridge, and gone to a movie.
I know it's wrong but I kind of get what they were saying. If your saying it was a dinner and it started at 2pm they probably just simply thought that was the time people could start showing up,but since it was a dinner you probably wouldn't be eating till around 5. I think it's just the expectation that dinner is in the evening or that's the way it's usually done in their circle and that's just what the family has always done and old habits die hard. Best advice for hosting a big thanksgiving meal
Fix stuff the day before then reheat once most everyone arrives . The later folks can fix their plate and pop it in the microwave. May not be as fancy but much less stressful for host and guest.
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