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We once had friends who were 30-45 minutes late (sorry I don't remember exact delay) for dinner, the plan was to meet at a restaurant before an activity that had a prescribed start time - fortunately we had allowed plenty of time for dinner. They were running behind because they were helping their adult daughter shop for a vehicle (), which IIRC had not originally been on the agenda that day.
We were in contact with them about this (text) and ordered some appetizers while we waited. At one point during this wait, the server said to us, "I think you need to find some new friends."
We once had friends who were 30-45 minutes late (sorry I don't remember exact delay) for dinner, the plan was to meet at a restaurant before an activity that had a prescribed start time - fortunately we had allowed plenty of time for dinner. They were running behind because they were helping their adult daughter shop for a vehicle (), which IIRC had not originally been on the agenda that day.
We were in contact with them about this (text) and ordered some appetizers while we waited. At one point during this wait, the server said to us, "I think you need to find some new friends."
The server gave you some good advice.
It would have been different if their adult daughter had car trouble and they went to go get her. Clearly they don't value your time.
At the very least you should have told them what you thought, people treat us the way we allow them to treat us. You can get your message across without being rude, but if they didn't see the error of their ways that would have been the last time I met them for dinner.
We once had friends who were 30-45 minutes late (sorry I don't remember exact delay) for dinner, the plan was to meet at a restaurant before an activity that had a prescribed start time - fortunately we had allowed plenty of time for dinner. They were running behind because they were helping their adult daughter shop for a vehicle (), which IIRC had not originally been on the agenda that day.
We were in contact with them about this (text) and ordered some appetizers while we waited. At one point during this wait, the server said to us, "I think you need to find some new friends."
Yep. Nobody on this thread is really talking about the people who are late once in a blue moon. Things happen. Wrecks occur on the interstate. Meetings run long. Emergencies transpire. We're not even talking about people who are customarily a handful of minutes late.
But people who are habitually 15, 20, 45 minutes late are pretty much a blot on humanity. They glide through life thinking they are the only people whose time matters.
My wife has a friend like that. She will be an hour late for everything. She's an empty nester with a maid and and a gardener whose husband travels most of the time. But she literally can't get to anything remotely close to being on time.
So when she pulled this stunt with us once too often, we left. She called thirty minutes later wonder where we were. My wife said, "Cynthia, we showed up on time and waited twenty minutes. We have other things to do."
She still arrives most late, but much closer to the appointed time than before.
Yep. Nobody on this thread is really talking about the people who are late once in a blue moon. Things happen. Wrecks occur on the interstate. Meetings run long. Emergencies transpire. We're not even talking about people who are customarily a handful of minutes late.
This thread has covered a little bit of both (habitual and one-time occurrences). It was just another story for the archives.
My MIL used to have to give dinner parties as part of my FIL's position - and she was very good at it. One couple was constantly late, and often failed to RSVP that they weren't coming, etc. My MIL had put up with it a few times, but finally got tired of it -- 8 other people managed to get there on time, enjoy cocktails, and enjoy a well-thought-out and beautifully presented dinner.
One evening, about 1 hr 15 minutes after the appointed time, when they had been seated for dinner for about 15 minutes, the doorbell rings. The maid answered, and there was the couple who had not RSVP'd. The maid came to get my MIL, who greeted them in surprise: "Oh! We didn't hear from you, I didn't realize you were coming!" The couple admitted that they must have gotten busy and forgotten. So my MIL let them into the dining room, where everyone was already seated. Rather than disrupt the table, she had a card table brought in and placed in the dining room, with some folding chairs, and the everyday china. The couple were hideously embarrassed, as everyone else was just staring at them standing there while my MIL and the maid was running around trying to figure out how to feed them. (Cornish game hen don't lend themselves to extras). My MIL and my FIL gave up their Cornish game hens to the newcomers.
The latecomers were so embarrassed that they were never, ever, ever late for another dinner. :-)
Great Post !
Sounds like a good idea, and a lesson learn for this couple.
Reminds me when I use to have dinner parties nothing quite this elaborate but still a lot of work and timing is involved when hosting a dinner party. Of course, the late people would show up while everyone is in the middle of dinner.
I wish I had thought of the card table ! It's almost like the little card table is for the "adults" that don't have fundamental manners !
Last edited by 70's Music Girl; 03-09-2017 at 07:09 PM..
The longest I'll wait is 15 - 30 minutes past the scheduled meeting time for someone before I move on. I'm willing to make exceptions if they were courteous enough to call and let me know what was going on.
I am generally an on time person but the culture of lateness has impacted me. Before I'd advise the person I was meeting if I was going to be more than 2 minutes late.
There is variance based on the type of activity.
Drinks - I notify if I am more than 10 minutes off
Dinner - five minutes off
Meeting a group - 5 minutes off with a caveat. If I know that notoriously late people are attending, then I'll notify at 10. If I'm meeting an on time person I notify at 2 minutes.
If I am meeting a group,of habitually late people I arrive 10 minutes late on purpose.
I used to notify my hair salon, but it always turned into a miscommunication. I'd say I am running 5-7 minutes late and she would warn me my appointment could be cancelled. I found out she has other clients who say 5 minutes and mean 30. I want to be accurate when running behind.
At work it is a whole other story. I am always running late, I have meetings back to back for the whole day. Sometimes on different floors. And sometimes you need to go to the bathroom. But some people come 15 minutes late to a 30 minute meeting. Ugh.
I used to be 10-15 minutes early..always. Then I realized this is Southern California and over here nobody gives a F and everyone is late and very few people respect other people's time and most are just selfish pricks, so I just started showing up whenever... early, late etc. If I am late it's usually by 15 mins. In the past it used to bother me to be late, now it does not because most other people are self absorbed jerks in our society today so i'm just fitting in.
True. And people think it is ok to be late because they have a cell phone. People are a lot later now that it is easy to tell people you are late.
If there are no consequences some folks will always be late. They will show up on time if they have to (like to catch a flight), but in everyday life forget it.
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), which IIRC had not originally been on the agenda that day.
