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So would she be expected to drive 60 miles to pick you up and then drive you back to the airport, or where you going to drive to her house and she would have to deal with your car for a month? I would not want someone's car sitting in my drive way or in front of my house for a week. She might not be able to store your car on the street for that long, and depending on the driveway she might have to play musical cars every time she leaves her house and comes home. Having to deal with that for a month is a much bigger commitment then helping someone move for a few hours.
We'll never know because the OP is no longer a member.
I'm a little flabbergasted at someone who would say, "Yeah, you helped me -- so what?" Entitled, much? Helping someone move is a big deal, in my book. If they don't feel any sense of reciprocity or obligation for the favor, there's not much you can do -- but I'd be a little careful about future "favors" for this "friend."
Exactly. I thought reciprocity was pretty much a fundamental part of our culture....? That doesn't necessarily mean that at a given time, someone can demand payback, but civilized people do return a favor, as a way to thank someone for helping them when they needed help.
When I asked her to drive me to the airport it basically to save money on parking. Which is $16 a day. It was a month long trip so the parking would be $480.00. I lived at the time about 60 miles from the airport so a taxi would have been very expensive. Actually, the lady who would not drive us to the airport, which was 3 miles from her house, was a family friend and my wife was closest to her at the time. My wife was very upset at her.
It was not a case of scheduling, the friend was free. She just did not want to do it.
I agree friendship should not be a formal tit for tat arrangement. But if we can't exchange help on occasion, it is not much of a friendship in my opinion. Though most people who have replied so far don't agree.
We'll never know because the OP is no longer a member.
I saw that before I posted but figured I'd still put it out there for anyone else who looked up this thread with a similar problem. I don't think the OP really thought through what he was asking of his friend, and I'm sure others also see it as just a ride to the airport when really its either a 4 hour drive for the person, or they're required to play musical cars for a month while the person's car sits at their house.
I assume they will help me later, however I DO NOT keep score, it doesn't have to be one for one..
I might help my Friend 3 times, and he helps me once, no score keeping required..
You're assuming all requests carry equal weight, when they don't. For instance "can you pick me up at the airport at rush hour" would be worth 10 "normal" favors IMO.
Exactly. I thought reciprocity was pretty much a fundamental part of our culture....? That doesn't necessarily mean that at a given time, someone can demand payback, but civilized people do return a favor, as a way to thank someone for helping them when they needed help.
Again reciprocity does not mean any request, any time. We have no idea why the friend said no to this request, whether it was during her work time, anything. Reciprocity is flowing, not tit for tat.
By the way, we don't even know that the friend asked OP for help. I have had many people in my life over its 's course, who INSISTED on helping me with things even when I said no, then they'd hold it over me and add it to the ledger sheet, when I really didn't even want their help. By ex-bf would almost bully people into letting him "help" with things, then when that person didn't act like my ex thought they should (in his opinion), he'd rant about how how everyone takes advantage of him being so "nice" and helpful.
There are people I refuse help from even when I need it, because I know they keep a mental ledger, and will ask me for something even if they don't really need it, as some sort of friendship test.
By the way, we don't even know that the friend asked OP for help. I have had many people in my life over its 's course, who INSISTED on helping me with things even when I said no, then they'd hold it over me and add it to the ledger sheet, when I really didn't even want their help. By ex-bf would almost bully people into letting him "help" with things, then when that person didn't act like my ex thought they should (in his opinion), he'd rant about how how everyone takes advantage of him being so "nice" and helpful.
I started to have the same thought yesterday, but then I went back to the original post and saw that the OP did say that the friend asked:
Quote:
Originally Posted by autocratic
... So one time I was excited about having a new friend and when she asked for help moving things I was not too busy and spent my afternoon helping with the move. ...
Again reciprocity does not mean any request, any time. We have no idea why the friend said no to this request, whether it was during her work time, anything. Reciprocity is flowing, not tit for tat.
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Yes, that's what I meant when I said one can't expect payback on demand. I guess we don't have enough info on the situation to evaluate it.
I had a friend for whom I did quite a few "favors", helping her with various home-improvement projects. I never had occasion to request a favor from her, until years later, but she didn't hesitate to comply, as long as the timing was right, meaning--she was available. She later confessed to me that she'd been a little worried all those years that the favor-doing was heavily one-sided; she'd felt bad for asking for so much help. It hadn't even crossed my mind, really; I was happy to help. But it was also nice that she pitched in when asked, when a couple of occasions to reciprocate finally arose. I guess a lot of people aren't comfortable feeling indebted to someone, and appreciate the opportunity to reciprocate. It's unclear what the OP's friend's situation was, on his airport-run day.
When I asked her to drive me to the airport it basically to save money on parking. Which is $16 a day. It was a month long trip so the parking would be $480.00. I lived at the time about 60 miles from the airport so a taxi would have been very expensive. Actually, the lady who would not drive us to the airport, which was 3 miles from her house, was a family friend and my wife was closest to her at the time. My wife was very upset at her.
It was not a case of scheduling, the friend was free. She just did not want to do it.
I agree friendship should not be a formal tit for tat arrangement. But if we can't exchange help on occasion, it is not much of a friendship in my opinion. Though most people who have replied so far don't agree.
So basically you wanted to save a few bucks. Take a cab...not a big deal! I live over an hour from the closest airport and have had to take a cab. That's life.
You don't know if she was free. She needed to drive to your house 60 miles away and then another 60 miles to the airport then go home. Then she was going to have to do this all over again when you returned a month later.
It's not like the airport was a 10 minute drive. You helped her move. That's it. She doesn't owe you anything. If you wanted compensation, then you needed to state that BEFORE you helped her move not afterward.
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