Should I tell my female best friend I am distancing myself from her because I have feelings for her? (sister, attractive)
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A lot of women just like to have male friends and you are never getting out of the friend zone because they don't like to date their friends. On the contrary one day you wake up to find out she has a boyfriend she met the day before. This is the way women are and behave. This is not my story, this is the story of every guy in the history of the world.
As you grow older you realize this and try to avoided as much as possible. This kid is going to realize this one day, but he needs to get out of this friendship.
I know I shouldn't tell her I have feelings for her but I do want to distance myself from her. I stopped texting her. But if she starts to notice I am distancing myself I feel I should just be honest. I don't want to lie and say the usual "Oh I have just been too busy." Plus maybe it would be best if I just tell her just to relieve myself, even if I do destroy our friendship. I was thinking of just telling her something like "Well I want to give you some distance because you have a boyfriend and it wouldn't be right for me to hang out with you when I have a crush on you." Thoughts?
The last line is very immature . You are a grown up and still think about having crush on a friend??
If she stated it's up to "God's Will", I'd distance myself too. People don't need divine intervention to know if they are into someone.
That said, definitely be honest, no point in hiding your feelings. You'll feel better that you put it out there and she'll know exactly where you stand.
I know I shouldn't tell her I have feelings for her but I do want to distance myself from her. I stopped texting her. But if she starts to notice I am distancing myself I feel I should just be honest. I don't want to lie and say the usual "Oh I have just been too busy." Plus maybe it would be best if I just tell her just to relieve myself, even if I do destroy our friendship. I was thinking of just telling her something like "Well I want to give you some distance because you have a boyfriend and it wouldn't be right for me to hang out with you when I have a crush on you." Thoughts?
I never ever allow a woman to make me her buddy.
its more healthy to keep a state of sexual tension.
That way there is zero confusion.
Sounds like you bought into the femnists baloney.
And you discovered you are now confused.
Thanks. She has told me she has sees me as a brother but at the same time she has told me if it is God's will for us to be together it will happen. So I guess it means she is open to it. But still I am not really satisfied with just being her brother and she did say that a while ago. So even though I appreciate our friendship and everything she has done for me (well except for one time she gave me bad advice but that is a different story) I feel like I have nothing to lose if I just come clean with her.
I would discount her based on her unhealthy displacement of personal desires to the mystical realm. That implies a level of dishonesty and vacillation and irrationality that guarantees you will never know exactly where you stand. And if you occasionally think you do, the ground will be subject to shifting beneath you at any time.
There are uses for God, but mate selection is not one of them, at least not one you want to get involved with and stake your happiness on.
This one is not a catch, it is a release.
Distance yourself, but not as a passive-aggressive means to try to get her. Do it instead to actually escape and save yourself from making a big mistake.
Tell her the truth. That way she knows what's going on and doesn't think she did something wrong, when you start to put some distance between the two of you.
^ This and more.
You sit her down and tell her how you feel. Plus you tell her all the reasons why you will make a better boyfriend than her current one. Lay it on thick. Promise her the world.
If she declines to dump him and take you, you smile, state that you understand, and move on. Moving on means you no longer hang out with her at all. Sorry, friendship and romance are two different things and ultimately incompatible. Be a cool cat and head off into the sunset. Her loss.
And hey, she may not agree right away, but in the near future.
The grim alternative is you will become her little servant boy. Neither of you will intend that, but that is what will happen. You will be a love-starved puppy following her around and suffering in silence. Better to free yourself than that.
We both value the friendship and that last comment- pretty rude.
You yourself posted that he wants to be "more than friends".
This implies in his mind, and perhaps yours, that being friends is -=LESS=- than being in a romantic/sexual relationship, so I stand by the idea of what I said, if not by the exact wording.
So she has a bf?What you need to do is tell her the truth and also say that you just need time for those feelings to eventually go away.These things happen.It's always better to tell someone the truth instead of making up lies.If she's a good friend...she will understand and appreciate the honesty.
I am still waiting to speak with a single person in real life who truly appreciates such honesty.
I guess if you mean that it gives her a chance to cut him out of her life before things go any further then perhaps you are right.
A lot of women just like to have male friends and you are never getting out of the friend zone because they don't like to date their friends. On the contrary one day you wake up to find out she has a boyfriend she met the day before. This is the way women are and behave. This is not my story, this is the story of every guy in the history of the world.
As you grow older you realize this and try to avoided as much as possible. This kid is going to realize this one day, but he needs to get out of this friendship.
I'm going to have to +1 this.
The number of men who have been strung along with "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" for months or years, then she is ready to marry some guy she met a week ago, is legion.
She just wants company and help lifting heavy items until her ship comes in, then you are left on the dock.
A lot of women just like to have male friends and you are never getting out of the friend zone because they don't like to date their friends. On the contrary one day you wake up to find out she has a boyfriend she met the day before. This is the way women are and behave. This is not my story, this is the story of every guy in the history of the world.
As you grow older you realize this and try to avoided as much as possible. This kid is going to realize this one day, but he needs to get out of this friendship.
Well-said. Got a good chuckle out of this, end of my 40s at this point: *all* guys go through this dumb phase of being in the friend-zone, attempting to ladder-jump onto the Good (Real) Ladder, and being cast into the Abyss because (she) is now sleeping with an outlaw biker. Ladder Theory strikes again, folks.
Yeah, most of us have been there by c. age 30. After that, we flee it like the plague.
In defiance of the rule, though, I actually have one "inner circle" close female friend. That sort of developed on its own, organically, but took many years. I trust her, but don't tolerate any of her estrogen BS because, as I phrased it, "we're not sleeping together." She's whip-smart and has always understood where we stand, and other than a bit of general fondness for one another, it's just a good friendship. I just don't think of her in sexual way, she's more of a presentable and keen sister.
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