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People asking about others isn't really the issue. IT goes far beyond that. He's asking they just not discuss him. Not sure why but instead of referring their questions to him, they refuse to honor that. In fact, they are doing that which he's asked not to be done.
That is really something beyond what parents do to their children
It's unreasonable to expect everyone in her parents lives to never ask how she is doing. It's not going to happen. And yes, it is perfectly normal for a parent to tell friends/family how their child is doing.
I see your point, OP, and its a shame that your parents can't keep their mouths shut. But, ultimately, if I was your parents, I wouldn't feel obligated to keep my mouth shut because you desire so. The way I look at it, you're in their house and they have a right to tell others what's going on under their roof. While understanding that there are some things that you can't keep private, you may want to start limiting what you tell your parents.
And you don't think it's a lot more dysfunctional when a family doesn't say anything at all about their loved ones? As if SHE doesn't exist any more?
I am not sure why this untruth keeps rearing it's ugly head.
NO ONE has posted such a thing. NO one. I suspect we have alot of parents here who harbor resentment against their children
to go against them blabbing in that manner. Just stop doing it.
When I am asked questions about my son (and he works for Apple so people do ask me for whatever reason) I just respond "how sweet" to whatever they say then suggest they phone him directly.
It's unreasonable to expect everyone in her parents lives to never ask how she is doing. It's not going to happen. And yes, it is perfectly normal for a parent to tell friends/family how their child is doing.
Another untruth rearing it's ugly head
A strawman to boot
No one has posted such a thing as you've posted above, see the bolded
No one
It is NOT normal for anyone to talk about another person after being asked to stop
ESPECIALLY when it's a loved one, your own child
If you think it's normal, you need some serious help
Because what you do going against your own child, this is NOT normal at all.
No one has posted such a thing as you've posted above, see the bolded
No one
It is NOT normal for anyone to talk about another person after being asked to stop
ESPECIALLY when it's a loved one, your own child
If you think it's normal, you need some serious help
Because what you do going against your own child, this is NOT normal at all.
What did I say that wasn't true? The OP is complaining about people asking her mom how she is doing. Yes, it is normal to ask people about their children, it is not gossiping. I would find it strange if you never asked someone how a loved one was doing, or people never asked you. As I said, it's unreasonable for the OP to expect people to not ask how she is doing. It's going to come up in conversation. It would be odd for her mother to avoid the question rather than just answer truthfully.
When I am asked questions about my son (and he works for Apple so people do ask me for whatever reason) I just respond "how sweet" to whatever they say then suggest they phone him directly.
So everyone you are friends with is also friends with your son? I'll ask my friends how their loved me nes are doing or ask my BIL how his family is doing. I would be put off if they responded to my kindness with a "why don't you ask them yourself" type of reply. I'm not going to start calling all of my friends' relatives to chat and see how they're doing. I don't know them, but since they're important to my friends, I do ask about them. It's not gossiping, as the OP seems to think. It's being considerate and interested in my friends lives as I know I'm not the only person in their lives.
What did I say that wasn't true? The OP is complaining about people asking her mom how she is doing. Yes, it is normal to ask people about their children, it is not gossiping.
you're getting sidetracked.
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I would find it strange if you never asked someone how a loved one was doing, or people never asked you.
I wouldn't call it strange but yes, I do ask how people are doing. Probably often but I do not word it that way. What is strange is when/if I ask, and the mother starts discussing their child when she's asked not to. I would wonder why they answered my question instead of just referring me to their child. Or just smiling and thanking me for caring. Then they can encourage me to contact their child directly. It's not weird at all, my best friends done it to me a few times. So I just call her daughter and check in. Invite her hiking with us. It's really quite positive as unless I was encouraged to give her a ring, we'd not have went hiking last go around. It's all good
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As I said, it's unreasonable for the OP to expect people to not ask how she is doing. It's going to come up in conversation. It would be odd for her mother to avoid the question rather than just answer truthfully.
Sidetracked, two fold now.
You're keeping my fingers busy re-typing the same reply.
I'll just post ditto next time
1. No one posted to avoid the question
2. No one posted it was unreasonable to ask about another person. Third time's the charm here, it's ditto next time!
This uproar to defy your child's simple request baffles me. It makes no sense. And the drama to boot which accompanies it, getting sidetracked saying stuff that has nothing to do with the OP, it is really one of the weirdest threads we've had.
What is unreasonable is not honoring your child's request not to discuss them.
Then to boot, doing the exact opposite.
That is NOT NORMAL. It's just not.
If my best friend had answered and later I learned she wasn't suppose to, it wouldn't make me feel good at all
Her child, her loved one, needs to come first. Their feelings need to come first before any of this imaginary "rudeness" or whatever excuse
is used to talk about some else despite being asked not to.
So everyone you are friends with is also friends with your son?
Not necessarily. But any friendships or kindness I can send his way, I do. Considering they've met before
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I'll ask my friends how their loved me nes are doing or ask my BIL how his family is doing. I would be put off if they responded to my kindness with a "why don't you ask them yourself" type of reply.
I don't word it that way, that's a bit rude don't you think? And I don't see why you would find your BIL directing you to contact his wife, your own sister in law, and maybe any nieces or nephews to be off putting. I wouldn't think anything about it except my BIL is encouraging relationships between family.
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I'm not going to start calling all of my friends' relatives to chat and see how they're doing. I don't know them, but since they're important to my friends, I do ask about them.
My son is important to me but whether someone asks about him, they don't get any brownie points for doing it for my sake. Though I understand it.
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It's not gossiping, as the OP seems to think.
The fact they've refused to do it and refuse to stop, sure it is gossiping. There's be no reason they'd be angry otherwise except they were caught doing what they were asked not to.
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It's being considerate and interested in my friends lives as I know I'm not the only person in their lives.
There is nothing considerate about defying anyone who asks you to stop talking about them. Nothing. You can see they don't have your best interests at heart so the conversation isn't going to go well just for that reason. And sadly here, we are discussing their grown child and her parents
There are plenty of answers to give which give little information. Changing the subject right after can work too, but be nice of course. No need to be rude to anyone. Unless the person asking is overly sensitive or something, trying to find something to become offended by most people don't pay much attention. If so, then we don't need to worry about those with ill motives. They weren't genuine when they asked the question in the first place. They really didn't care but are pretending they do. No worries.
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