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His/Her only choice is to move out asap and always remember to keep the private life, totally private. Even if asked. When your own parents refuse to honor your request not to gossip about them, yet they still insist, something is very wrong.
THis person can never mention anything about their job,significant others, etc...and not live too close.
Our 26 year old moved back home for a short time. Now he's back out on his own again. I would never imagine answering questions like "what happened?" to our relatives or friends. But they wouldn't say such things anyhow. If so, I'd just reply, "what happened with what?" then if they are so nosy they keep pressuring...then encourage them to call and say hello directly.
Jeaniee, thank you for sharing such a refreshing point of view, I wish others would "get it" like you do.
To the others, how was my image tarnished? Simple. Some siblings were held up in a positive light and mom bragged how happy and accomplished they were. When it came to me it was how I lost my job after such a short time so failing yet again. Why did that family friend have to know? Why not tell a white lie to keep up the image or as suggested above direct her to me directly? Nope, no one ever asks me for an update. They always go through mom. Why? Because they know she will spill the beans while I clam up. In fact today my own mom was complaining to me that I never had any news when I had relocated...how she was all worried about me being out in a remote area all alone. Oh really? Then why not pick up the phone? Or was it because extended family and friends kept asking for updates and she didn't know what to tell them?
Why are you listening to your mom's private conversation with another relative or individual? Where is her privacy to hold a discussion, even if involves speaking of you, with another person?
I suppose your advice to the OP to move away as quickly as possible and never, ever let the parents know anything personal about her again and to keep any future grandchildren away from these monsters as well ... oh, why, yes, that's certainly cool, calm, collected, and objective.
Signed. Just an Over-The-Top Poster Here
Re-read my post again. I think it will clear up misconceptions you have
Jeaniee, thank you for sharing such a refreshing point of view, I wish others would "get it" like you do.
To the others, how was my image tarnished? Simple. Some siblings were held up in a positive light and mom bragged how happy and accomplished they were. When it came to me it was how I lost my job after such a short time so failing yet again. Why did that family friend have to know? Why not tell a white lie to keep up the image or as suggested above direct her to me directly? Nope, no one ever asks me for an update. They always go through mom. Why? Because they know she will spill the beans while I clam up. In fact today my own mom was complaining to me that I never had any news when I had relocated...how she was all worried about me being out in a remote area all alone. Oh really? Then why not pick up the phone? Or was it because extended family and friends kept asking for updates and she didn't know what to tell them?
You're welcome.
I am not sure why your parents aren't just encouraging people to just call you directly to say hi. They've obviously expressed interest in you.
Why are you listening to your mom's private conversation with another relative or individual? Where is her privacy to hold a discussion, even if involves speaking of you, with another person?
Are you upset she got caught gossiping? it's probably for the best
Sadly, we've all done it before
A reminder not to be tale-bearing never hurt anyone.
Why are you listening to your mom's private conversation with another relative or individual? Where is her privacy to hold a discussion, even if involves speaking of you, with another person?
Umm, we were in the same room and she told me what the friend asked her about me.
Call me old fashioned but if a man provides for his family for years and pays for the vehicles and house payments, what he says, goes. It's also a stretch to claim he's a tyrant when it's his money and vehicle being overspent/overused by his wife for the benefit of the grandkids. How would you like working hard all your life and then see the fruits of your labor being funneled away with reckless abandon? My mom and I should be grateful for all he's done and I'm sure we both are.
If you were old fashioned you'd have a job right now and be willing to do any kind of work under any conditions to pay your own way rather than rely on the support of others.
Since you have such respect for your dad and believe what he says, goes, then do as he said
"my dad says that one of the conditions of living with them (again, temporarily) is that I need to be OK with my mom telling my SIL everything she wants to know"
Re-read my post again. I think it will clear up misconceptions you have
I read it again. (All of them again.) I notice you have edited out your sentence about never letting any future grandchildren be babysat by or left alone with her parents lest these non-existent future children be damaged by their "badmouthing" of the OP. (Captured in Post #148)
I don't disagree with you that suggesting curious family and friends speak to the OP directly would be best.
However, the idea that *nothing at all* should have been said by the parents is not realistic. What the OP herself has related to us about what has been said thus far is pretty much garden-variety conversation among family and friends.
Yet you declared her parents "not safe and very dysfunctional"; and said that she should move away and never tell them anything personal again. And to keep children away.
Got caught gossiping? What the OP wrote wasn't gossiping, it was a typical conversation. When I call my sister, I ask how my nephews are doing. When my aunt calls my mom, she asks how my siblings and I are doing. Asking about one's kids and how they are doing is normal.
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