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I have to admit, as the mom of a 26 and 29 year old, I don't understand why your mom and dad feel the need to blab and be as much of a gossip as your SIL and other assorted relatives. It's NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. If your mom is concerned about you and needs someone to confide in -- well, we all have a BFF that we trust not to broadcast our problems to. But deciding to pre-emptively tell EVERYONE that "Hey, Sedonaverde lost their job and had to come home with their tail between their legs and is now living in our spare bedroom. Wow! What do you think of that?"
Why is it such a "thing" that needs to be told? There's just no percentage in it. I wouldn't announce it, simply because it's not my story to tell. And especially if my child specifically asked me not to. You're an adult -- you deserve that modicum of respect. Who gives a flip if your car is in the driveway unexpectedly? It's NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS! And certainly the details of your former job termination is not fodder for gossip.
If the price for staying with your parents is having your entire personal life exposed and gossiped about, I think I'd be seriously considering moving elsewhere. But before you do that, I think you need to have a "come to Jesus" sit-down with your parents, together. This is only the next in a long, long line of interesting tidbits about your life for as long as they live. A future spouse, wedding plans, family plans, a new car, a new home purchase -- all of these can be fodder for discussion ad nauseum. They need to understand that if you can't trust them to keep their traps shut about your personal life, they are going to find themselves in a position of NOT knowing anything because you won't be sharing anything -- and that's a pretty cold place for a parent to be. So they need to decide now just how important their relationship with you is.
Seems pretty slam-dunk to me. If it's not that easy for them, then you have some decisions to make.
WRONG. First of all, who said they are blabbing about it. It seems to me that the only reason the parents said anything was because someone saw the car in their driveway and asked. What are they supposed to do, lie? That would create more problems for them than it would solve.
Second of all a sister-in-law is an immediate family member not an extended family member like the OP claims. Obviously the OP does not like the SIL but that does not mean the parents don't, nor does it mean that the parents should have to keep things from her when it is so obvious what happened here.
Let me ask you this, you have two grown kids, if one of them moved home, would you keep it from your other child? Also would you allow your children to dictate what you tell people? I don't think so. I wouldn't.
The OP sounds like a spoiled child IMHO who thinks that her parents and the world has to live by her rules. Sorry it does not work that way. The sooner she learns that, the sooner she will grow up and accept the responsibility for her actions which is a MAJOR problem with a lot of kids these days. Jay
Let me ask you this, you have two grown kids, if one of them moved home, would you keep it from your other child? Also would you allow your children to dictate what you tell people? I don't think so. I wouldn't.
Yeah, when our kids have come back home, they understood it was a temporary thing based on need. One daughter's husband was deployed and we enjoyed having the grandkids close for a few months while she found them a new place to live. Our other daughter was home while she was in college, but when she quit, we raised the rent and utilities so she she could get used to real life, and eventually she moved out because she could afford a place on her own.
A kid without a job? That keeps coming home when it doesn't work out? Nope.
A normal adult keeps a job until they get a better one, and they want to keep their independence.
Well well well, guess what happened? After mom insisted on telling the rest of the family about me losing my job and claiming that I had all this free time all a sudden, SIL actually came up with an idea to "help" me, or at least that's how mom described it. Since SIL doesn't drive yet, she's been picking up my niece by bus but with a recently born baby in her arms and crowded public transit, it's become too complicated to do it on her own. So she came up with the idea that I could pick up the older child from daycare and drop her off at her house, and do this a couple of times a week. The problem is that there is traffic getting to the daycare and especially traffic returning (evening rush hour traffic), so that would use quite a bit of time, cause wear and tear, plus use gas in the bumper to bumper traffic because SIL can't drive herself (she relied on her husband, parents and friends to drive her around for years).
The pay has not yet been discussed. Mom suggested I use dad's 2nd car and I'd be paying the gas from the money I'd be making to do pickups and drop offs. I told mom that I appreciated the gesture but that I am actively job hunting (she didn't tell SIL and the recent job interview I traveled to in another city that would require relocation again). Still, mom was insistent and said it wouldn't take all day, and to consider it. When dad heard about the idea, he got angry but I'm guessing he doesn't like the idea of his car being used to transport kids around - he had leased it for me to use to go to school, attend interviews and work in my new field. So it looks like I'll have to decline this "opportunity". And you know how it came about? As a result of mom insisting the rest of the family "had" to know about my unemployment status.
Thanks mom.
The problem is that there is traffic getting to the daycare and especially traffic returning (evening rush hour traffic), so that would use quite a bit of time, cause wear and tear, plus use gas in the bumper to bumper traffic because SIL can't drive herself (she relied on her husband, parents and friends to drive her around for years).
Oh, get real.
Are you expecting sympathy and agreement with a silly argument like this?
Again, why do you dislike this sister in law so much and where is your brother?
I don't dislike SIL so much, what I dislike is that relied on others to drive her around for years and now that she has kids and really needs a driver's license and car (they have one that can be used , she just can't drive it yet), she's been counting on my mom for a long time and wearing out my dad's car in the process with rush hour bumper to bumper traffic. Do you know how hard it is on a car's components to constantly stop and go in traffic?
SIL is an OK person and a good mother to her kids, it's just this request to pick up a kid from daycare has my mom putting unnecessary pressure on me and my dad getting all upset just because mom couldn't keep her mouth shut about the fact I'm not employed full time.
I don't dislike SIL so much, what I dislike is that relied on others to drive her around for years and now that she has kids and really needs a driver's license and car (they have one that can be used , she just can't drive it yet), she's been counting on my mom for a long time and wearing out my dad's car in the process with rush hour bumper to bumper traffic. Do you know how hard it is on a car's components to constantly stop and go in traffic?
SIL is an OK person and a good mother to her kids, it's just this request to pick up a kid from daycare has my mom putting unnecessary pressure on me and my dad getting all upset just because mom couldn't keep her mouth shut about the fact I'm not employed full time.
People sit in traffic everyday going and coming from work. What are you going to do when you get a job, are you going to go in late/leave early everyday to avoid traffic?
I think its great of your SIL to offer you a way to make some money while you are unemployed. Its only in the evening, a couple times a week. How far away is your SIL sending her child for daycare, a few miles at most? You can easily job hunt the rest of the day, and earn somw extra cash helping your SIL for an hour (if that) a few times a week.
I don't dislike SIL so much, what I dislike is that relied on others to drive her around for years and now that she has kids and really needs a driver's license and car (they have one that can be used , she just can't drive it yet), she's been counting on my mom for a long time and wearing out my dad's car in the process with rush hour bumper to bumper traffic. Do you know how hard it is on a car's components to constantly stop and go in traffic?
SIL is an OK person and a good mother to her kids, it's just this request to pick up a kid from daycare has my mom putting unnecessary pressure on me and my dad getting all upset just because mom couldn't keep her mouth shut about the fact I'm not employed full time.
So she relies on people to drive her around and you rely on people to provide you with housing and a vehicle.
I did indeed like the town I moved to with the woman and her cat but it was a short term solution while I still worked there. While there are other jobs to be had they are low end retail / fast food joints with lower wages than what I went back to school for. That town has a housing shortage and landlords/homeowners take advantage of that by jacking up the prices. It would make more sense financially to find work in a big city, there are more housing options too.
As for job search suggestions, my mom has already suggested (I didn't ask for help) I try to find small time gigs like delivering flyers door to door and babysitting but I'm hesitant because doing stuff like that will take away time that should be spent hunting in my field and both are low paid.
But you're not earning based on what you went to school for; you're not earning at all and even those fast food jobs would give you more income than you have now. There is no Neverland and you're not Peter Pan - grow up!
He is in his mid-20s and living with us again. He got demoted a few years ago. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone about it. You know why? He asked me not to. I've got his back and he knows it. Now he has moved on to a much better job and you better believe I spread that news!
To all of you with a callous attitude toward the OP, I hope you never need your kids to care for you when you are elderly. They just might turn that callousness back on you. I can just hear it, "Guess who wet the bed again last night? "
Did you often lie to people who asked you what your son was doing?
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