Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sadly, you need to inform your parents you appreciate their hospitality of allowing you to live there but you cannot trust them. So won't be confiding too much about your life to them. And stick to it.
They are not safe people. they seem very dysfunctional but it's nice you are able to stay with them.
Unfortunately it is true they can demand, as a condition of you living there, to disclose as much private information basically gossiping about to family members. That is a very odd condition but it is there house. Good luck, sorry they are being this way. Try not to stay with them too long, I suspect more problems will ensure. Blessings
Oh, for heaven's sake. Nothing ... not one thing ... that OP has said would lead anyone with the sense of a goose to this conclusion. "Not safe?" "Dysfunctional?" You must be projecting something much worse onto this situation from your own life.
The worst dysfunction seems to be that Daddy's kind of a freak about his cars and the females bow to that. The OP likes it right now because it supports her desire not to have to suffer in traffic to pick up her niece from school a couple of afternoons a week. Wear and tear on the car, you know.
The parents "demand to disclose" such private information? She lost a job and came home. She was using their car. She's now back living in their house. Nothing has sounded to me as if the parents are running about willy-nilly grabbing every Thomasina, Dick and Harriett who will listen to every last bit of the daughter's intimate business. It sounds like family members asked and they answered truthfully. Interesting also how the sister-in-law got such bad press in OP's early comments and now the OP says she's not so bad.
Thank goodness the OP isn't pregnant or something.
It happened again. A family friend called my mom and I was in the room while she talked to her on the phone. The family friend, another nosy type, asked about family news and my mom told me afterwards that she had no choice, she "had to" answer her questions.
The friend's questions were:
Q: So how's it going with sedonaverde? Is she still in (the town I relocated to for work?)
A: No, she's back here.
Q: What happened?
A: It didn't work out, it wasn't the right fit.
Q: So how long will she stay?
A: I don't know but she's looking...
Then the subject apparently changed to other family members with better success. See? Now my image is tarnished and gossip will spread further to even more people I don't even associate with. All because mom felt obligated to answer the questions from someone I have zero connection to.
What ?!?! That is the type of thing that your mother is saying about you?
Those comments are very mild and truthful.
I was imagining your mother telling everyone including absolute strangers "My daughter is back home because she was fired from her job. They did not give her any severance pay because she had received two negative progress reports. Even though she made $3,000 a month in salary and her rent was only $900 a month she did not have any savings. Our daughter wasted a lot of money at expensive restaurants and buying designer clothes. etc. etc. "
It happened again. A family friend called my mom and I was in the room while she talked to her on the phone. The family friend, another nosy type, asked about family news and my mom told me afterwards that she had no choice, she "had to" answer her questions.
The friend's questions were:
Q: So how's it going with sedonaverde? Is she still in (the town I relocated to for work?)
A: No, she's back here.
Q: What happened?
A: It didn't work out, it wasn't the right fit.
Q: So how long will she stay?
A: I don't know but she's looking...
Then the subject apparently changed to other family members with better success. See? Now my image is tarnished and gossip will spread further to even more people I don't even associate with. All because mom felt obligated to answer the questions from someone I have zero connection to.
Your mother's answers were very measured.
What should her answers have been? "I can't talk about that"?
That's when you'd see some capital G Gossip spreading far and wide.
You are embarrassed at your circumstances. Own it. From things you have said, you don't have a lot of like or respect for these family and friends. But now your "image is tarnished" and it's all your parents' fault.
You are so completely self-focused that your view is warping back on itself.
It happened again. A family friend called my mom and I was in the room while she talked to her on the phone. The family friend, another nosy type, asked about family news and my mom told me afterwards that she had no choice, she "had to" answer her questions.
The friend's questions were:
Q: So how's it going with sedonaverde? Is she still in (the town I relocated to for work?)
A: No, she's back here.
Q: What happened?
A: It didn't work out, it wasn't the right fit.
Q: So how long will she stay?
A: I don't know but she's looking...
Then the subject apparently changed to other family members with better success. See? Now my image is tarnished and gossip will spread further to even more people I don't even associate with. All because mom felt obligated to answer the questions from someone I have zero connection to.
That's IT! I think you are projecting your own shame because this is not gossip, it's just bland how is everyone kind of stuff and your mother kept it rather neutral.
It happened again. A family friend called my mom and I was in the room while she talked to her on the phone. The family friend, another nosy type, asked about family news and my mom told me afterwards that she had no choice, she "had to" answer her questions.
The friend's questions were:
Q: So how's it going with sedonaverde? Is she still in (the town I relocated to for work?)
A: No, she's back here.
Q: What happened?
A: It didn't work out, it wasn't the right fit.
Q: So how long will she stay?
A: I don't know but she's looking...
Then the subject apparently changed to other family members with better success. See? Now my image is tarnished and gossip will spread further to even more people I don't even associate with. All because mom felt obligated to answer the questions from someone I have zero connection to.
And it's going to keep happening. That was about as vague as your mom could have been. What do you expect, for her to plead the 5th? You have no image to tarnish.
That is the "gossip" you mom is spreading? Exactly how is your image tarnished? What do you think your image was?
That makes no difference
His/Her only choice is to move out asap and always remember to keep the private life, totally private. Even if asked. When your own parents refuse to honor your request not to gossip about them, yet they still insist, something is very wrong.
THis person can never mention anything about their job,significant others, etc...and not live too close.
Our 26 year old moved back home for a short time. Now he's back out on his own again. I would never imagine answering questions like "what happened?" to our relatives or friends. But they wouldn't say such things anyhow. If so, I'd just reply, "what happened with what?" then if they are so nosy they keep pressuring...then encourage them to call and say hello directly.
The extended family would figure it out for themselves, anyway. Hell, your family friend already noticed the change in parking routine, anyway, so what could your parents say? That you're only visiting? That would work for a week or two but in due time, if you're still seeking work, it would be obvious to what's going on. Of course, your parents could just let them figure out for themselves but they obviously don't want to lie, either. One poster suggested keeping information from your but they, too, would figure it out.
Still, it'd be nice if your parents could become a little open to your feelings on all this instead of treating it like a joke. I like what one poster said ~ to not let them treat it as a joke. But they don't have to let you stay with them, so caution from both sides is necessary.
Bummer of a situation. I can relate about the blabbing, I really can. Obnoxiousness in family is one of the reasons why I never returned home, no matter how hard times got.
His only choice is to move out asap and always remember to keep his private life, totally private. Even if asked.
Never mention anything about her job,significant others, etc...and not live too close. When Grandkids come into the picture, no babysitting. Make sure to be present with them at all times to avoid any badmouthing. It truly hurts children to hear their parents badmouthed by Grandparents.
"He" is a she. I really get the impression that you have not read this whole thread.
"She" hasn't been "badmouthed." But she's been here doing plenty of "badmouthing" herself. It doesn't appear that her parents have said one untrue thing. OP wants complete control which is impossible when dealing with other people. Go read her other threads. She wants to control her workplaces as well.
I'm sure your indignation would be welcome on another thread where truly egregious examples of parental misbehavior abound. This ain't it.
Oh, for heaven's sake. Nothing ... not one thing ... that OP has said would lead anyone with the sense of a goose to this conclusion. "Not safe?" "Dysfunctional?" You must be projecting something much worse onto this situation from your own life.
Debate the topic, not the person please. No need to get personal.
"He" is a she. I really get the impression that you have not read this whole thread.
"She" hasn't been "badmouthed." But she's been here doing plenty of "badmouthing" herself. It doesn't appear that her parents have said one untrue thing. OP wants complete control which is impossible when dealing with other people. Go read her other threads. She wants to control her workplaces as well.
I'm sure your indignation would be welcome on another thread where truly egregious examples of parental misbehavior abound. This ain't it.
It's not Rocket Science. When your loved one asks you not to discuss them with others, you don't deliberately do the exact opposite. Continue on that path and it will result in a very rocky relationship between loved ones.
Your post here is a perfect example, thank you. Accusations such as yours above of "indignation" is over the top. and you are just a stranger on a message board! Look how into this you are getting, just as a poster here.
A simple and very appropriate answer is...
"Have you gotten to speak directly with Jenny, you should call her " then drop it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
then drop it.
