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That is an awful lot of people that you and your spouse don't get along with.
The common denominator is you? Have you done some real soul searching into why?
Otherwise, no one is required to spend time with anyone they don't want to, no matter what the reason.
Some families have a LOT of dysfunction. Misery breeds misery. I have numerous relatives I have nothing to do with. Just because we share DNA doesn't mean we have to be BFF's. Why don't I have any sort of relationship with some relatives?
Theft - one aunt stole from my dying grandmother and another one stole from me years ago
Rumor spreaders - several aunts make the National Enquirer look like CNN
Affairs - I won't no part of that drama
B**chiness - no time in life for that
Jealousy - LOTS of jealousy from family members who never did anything in life except collect a check from the state
Ironically, the family we get along the best with lives 600 miles away and we've spent more time with them at holidays over the years than anyone else. They're a drama free zone. They're not into all that nonsense either.
That is an awful lot of people that you and your spouse don't get along with.
The common denominator is you? Have you done some real soul searching into why?
Otherwise, no one is required to spend time with anyone they don't want to, no matter what the reason.
Some people really do have a totally messed up family... if you think about it makes sense-- narcissistic mother or abusive dad etc came usually from a family hat was "messed up" and role model that. So sister, brother , cousin etc are all dysfunctional
Avoiding people who are toxic and don't treat you well in your/your wife's life is the opposite of crass, even if they are blood relations. You are showing sensitivity and discernment.
One of my favorite quotes says it all: "In life, go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated."
That is an awful lot of people that you and your spouse don't get along with.
The common denominator is you? Have you done some real soul searching into why?
Otherwise, no one is required to spend time with anyone they don't want to, no matter what the reason.
We have done some soul searching, and have come to realize, as an adult, letting attitudes or certain behaviours of "family" towards me and mine go, as to not be in conflict, was wrong.
You don't get to speak down to me and mine because of blood. You don't get to feel superior than me, because you are professionals. You don't get to tell me or mines to shut up, or that what I do for a living, or how I invest my money is dumb.
Just cause you an aunty, does not mean you are immune. Just cause you are a brother, you don't get to act out of line. Just because you are a parent,you don't get to talk down to us like if we are kids.
Our Family usually goes on our own ways for Christmas and Thanksgiving. As Mexicans (Not Sure What Other Mexicans do) We integrated Thanksgiving in too our Life but our Extended Family is huge. Like more than 12 Uncles and Aunts and all that anyway usually we spend the Holiday's alone or We invite 2 or 3 of our closest Uncles and Aunt's families. Now Last Year on Christmas we all had a get together on the day before Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day Recently and then had our own separate thing. It's a bit confusing but that's how it is
I have a family similiar as yours, both sides , mom and dad. We spend Christmas at Grandpa's, until they passed away. At least 9 families and their small kids.
Now, as one person has decided to make their home the go to home for Christmas, for everyone, with the boring ,canned, Walton's Christmas. Now this person wants to brag, and joke, but get nasty when the tables are turned .
I have tried to connect with my favorites. Hey, just us 3 families, we like each other, we bonded in all those gatherings. Not always, have people come to their senses, and realize they do not have to put up with those family members.
So, in closing. When do I get to make my own family tradition? As these family gatherings are made out to be an obligation. I ask the others the same question, when I check in with them.
These holidays, shared with like minded people, turn out to be way better. We spent one year with 2 families we are friends with. We cooked together , with some drinks in hand. We shared a house gift with each other's. Our only obligation was to laugh hard, and see our kid play.
I didn't see all the details, but your mom and dad too?
It might make sense to repair family relationships, maybe not.
What if your husband/wife gets sick? Who will be there to support you emotionally? My parents are there for me through thick and thin and after reading these forums, so grateful for that.
Adult friends with families are typically not reliable in proactively caring in that sense when tragedy occurs.
That's what family is for. So, as long as you are good with the main family members, aunts uncles, in-laws, I wouldn't worry about that.
My sister is awesome and all, but I doubt my brother in law would really genuinely care if I got hit by a truck tmrw. Lol. Just kind of how it is.
I didn't see all the details, but your mom and dad too?
It might make sense to repair family relationships, maybe not.
What if your husband/wife gets sick? Who will be there to support you emotionally? My parents are there for me through thick and thin and after reading these forums, so grateful for that.
Adult friends with families are typically not reliable in proactively caring in that sense when tragedy occurs.
That's what family is for. So, as long as you are good with the main family members, aunts uncles, in-laws, I wouldn't worry about that.
My sister is awesome and all, but I doubt my brother in law would really genuinely care if I got hit by a truck tmrw. Lol. Just kind of how it is.
That's why you need family.
Many people's parents aren't there for them when something happens. I live 3 hours away from mine and my mom is disabled. My husband's parents are both dead - have been for years.
A couple of years ago, my husband was very sick and hospitalized. I didn't need emotional support from my parents. I'm an adult and handled everything on my own. Life goes on even when someone is sick.
No one in my husband's family ever bothered to ask how he was doing. None of his siblings called him. So no family isn't always there for you.
We have a sign in our living room that says Friends are the Family We make along the Way. One of my best friends used to say his friends were his chosen family. His family lived on the other side of the country and never bothered with him, brother, or parents when they were growing up. The older I get, I see even more truth to that phrase.
I didn't see all the details, but your mom and dad too?
It might make sense to repair family relationships, maybe not.
What if your husband/wife gets sick? Who will be there to support you emotionally? My parents are there for me through thick and thin and after reading these forums, so grateful for that.
Adult friends with families are typically not reliable in proactively caring in that sense when tragedy occurs.
That's what family is for. So, as long as you are good with the main family members, aunts uncles, in-laws, I wouldn't worry about that.
My sister is awesome and all, but I doubt my brother in law would really genuinely care if I got hit by a truck tmrw. Lol. Just kind of how it is.
That's why you need family.
We all need to support our spouses, and if mom and dad wants to act out of line, they too need to be confronted. We have not cut out our parents, but they do need to respect the family I am forming. Their job is long over .
If you or the spouse get sick or injured, handle it on your own , like responsible adults. Stand on your own, don't come crying home .
Say , your in-laws are nearby, the last thing you would want is for other people to take any control in your life. You won't want people showing up at your door, only to Snoop around your home, and comment on how you choose to live. Hell's no!
A simple "how can I help" becomes "this is how I am going to help you".
Like you mention, "BIL could care less", but he shows his face, and feels obligated by your sister.
When you marry, and form your own family, your new family becomes primary, and everyone needs to respect it. Your BIL is not your sibling, and you can't treat or expect to be treated like one. Your spouse is not open season for a bad time, and you are not as well.
Abuse can be anything that will turn you off. Nosy people, in your finances, commenting like it is ok. Would you treat a stranger, or non family guest this way? How about some co worker or neighbor? People get too comfortable and don't think.
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