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And when distant relatives ask my parents, hey how is so and so? My parents let me know everyone was asking for me. I tell my parents, give em my number or email, we are friends on Facebook, but which one of them reach out to me during the year?
Extended Family are together out of obligation, since they live close by, and do not risk exploring life independently.
I envy the relatives who have moved hundreds of miles away, and keep in touch and visit them when I am in town. At least they feel no obligation to attend the big family gathering.
And when distant relatives ask my parents, hey how is so and so? My parents let me know everyone was asking for me. I tell my parents, give em my number or email, we are friends on Facebook, but which one of them reach out to me during the year?
Extended Family are together out of obligation, since they live close by, and do not risk exploring life independently.
I envy the relatives who have moved hundreds of miles away, and keep in touch and visit them when I am in town. At least they feel no obligation to attend the big family gathering.
Isn't it amazing how they will ask your parents, but not you? I always think that's bizarre especially when we're friends social media and they see my posts! Never hear from them. Amazing how they came climbing out the woodwork when our grandmother died....she was poor and didn't have much so they complained that she didn't have any valuable antiques.....the hands were all out looking for money and things of value. It was pathetic! Haven't heard a word from them in over 2 years....not surprised at all.
Many people's parents aren't there for them when something happens. I live 3 hours away from mine and my mom is disabled. My husband's parents are both dead - have been for years.
A couple of years ago, my husband was very sick and hospitalized. I didn't need emotional support from my parents. I'm an adult and handled everything on my own. Life goes on even when someone is sick.
No one in my husband's family ever bothered to ask how he was doing. None of his siblings called him. So no family isn't always there for you.
We have a sign in our living room that says Friends are the Family We make along the Way. One of my best friends used to say his friends were his chosen family. His family lived on the other side of the country and never bothered with him, brother, or parents when they were growing up. The older I get, I see even more truth to that phrase.
Like I said ... after reading these forums I'm grateful that my parents are good people are there for me.
If yours are not, then I am sorry.
And yes, it is helpful, for example if your husband is dying of cancer to have somebody to talk to in those times.
If you're so cold and independent that you don't need anybody, then that's fine. There's no point in implying that I'm immature or similar because it's nice to have somebody to talk to during life's tragedies.
Like I said ... after reading these forums I'm grateful that my parents are good people are there for me.
If yours are not, then I am sorry.
And yes, it is helpful, for example if your husband is dying of cancer to have somebody to talk to in those times.
If you're so cold and independent that you don't need anybody, then that's fine. There's no point in implying that I'm immature or similar because it's nice to have somebody to talk to during life's tragedies.
I was just trying to be helpful.
I'm not cold. I'm a very strong, independent person. I was raised to be independent. I grew up in the country and you had to be able to take care of yourself.
I never you were immature. You want people to talk to, knock your socks off. Everyone isn't like that. Everyone doesn't have family to talk to or rely on. You seem to be unaware that fact.
Like I said ... after reading these forums I'm grateful that my parents are good people are there for me.
If yours are not, then I am sorry.
And yes, it is helpful, for example if your husband is dying of cancer to have somebody to talk to in those times.
If you're so cold and independent that you don't need anybody, then that's fine. There's no point in implying that I'm immature or similar because it's nice to have somebody to talk to during life's tragedies.
I was just trying to be helpful.
I find this to be an oddly defensive reply. She was simply saying that not everyone has a supportive family who will be there for you in times of need. I didn't see anywhere where she called you immature (or similar).
Not sure how you think her post makes her "cold" or that she doesn't need anybody. The point is that when you are lacking family support, you are more or less forced to become independent and self-reliant. This how you survive on your own. It's neither good nor nor bad; but just a coping skill you learn. Although some people come into the world as independent little souls already! Being independent is not a bad thing.
Now you've told everyone twice how grateful you are to have such good parents that are there for you. Yes, we get it - you have great parents. Not sure how saying this repeatedly is helpful in a forum full of people who lament the fact that they don't have, and likely never will enjoy familial support.
I find this to be an oddly defensive reply. She was simply saying that not everyone has a supportive family who will be there for you in times of need. I didn't see anywhere where she called you immature (or similar).
Not sure how you think her post makes her "cold" or that she doesn't need anybody. The point is that when you are lacking family support, you are more or less forced to become independent and self-reliant. This how you survive on your own. It's neither good nor nor bad; but just a coping skill you learn. Although some people come into the world as independent little souls already! Being independent is not a bad thing.
Now you've told everyone twice how grateful you are to have such good parents that are there for you. Yes, we get it - you have great parents. Not sure how saying this repeatedly is helpful in a forum full of people who lament the fact that they don't have, and likely never will enjoy familial support.
just sayin'
Ok. I'll make it easy.
I apologize. I realize some people don't have families that are there for them, and I'm sorry.
So my rose garden. I had these beautiful rose bushes with lovely fragrant roses with a few thorns on the stems. I couldn't keep the deer out of the garden - they'd eat the buds back just when they were almost in full blossom. As a response, the rose bushes grew bigger and nastier thorns and smaller less fragrant blooms.
I was amazed. Is anyone else a rose gardener here who can back that up, or was that just one specific type of rose that grew big thorns in defense of constantly being nipped at?
Anyway, that's how reading through this thread feels to me. People have grown big gnarly thorns in defense. I feel so very lucky, that my family on both sides is dedicated to loving each other - not that we're perfect, but that we're family, and will love each other through thick and thin.
Anyway, for those who haven't had the leadership of prior generations in instilling cooperative behaviors and family unity, it does seem like a great idea to form family out of dear friends, and leave birth family behind.
Happy Thanksgiving, all, however you choose to celebrate.
Holidays coming around, I don't get along with some aunt's/uncle's and some of the cousins , so we stopped the big holiday dinner .
Now spouse , and SIL don't like each other, as well with BIL, amongst other things, so we don't do holidays anymore. Why would I sit through any chance of disfunction or fake smiles? No thanks!
So am I being crass?
If you are, so am I. My DH and I have been together for 31 years, and I met his family after the first year. Every time I've been with one or more of them I've been disappointed by their zeal in running down those missing. After several occasions of listening in silent disapproval, I finally spoke out in defense of their prey (which seems to rotate to whomever is absent) only to find myself on the receiving end of their cutting remarks. They make a joke of it, smiling all the time, and express surprise if countered -- followed by: "Oh don't take things so seriously," or some such remark. After decades of that crap, I finally just stopped going. Still, each time I feel conflicted, fighting my feeling of not being a "good wife."
If you are, so am I. My DH and I have been together for 31 years, and I met his family after the first year. Every time I've been with one or more of them I've been disappointed by their zeal in running down those missing. After several occasions of listening in silent disapproval, I finally spoke out in defense of their prey (which seems to rotate to whomever is absent) only to find myself on the receiving end of their cutting remarks. They make a joke of it, smiling all the time, and express surprise if countered -- followed by: "Oh don't take things so seriously," or some such remark. After decades of that crap, I finally just stopped going. Still, each time I feel conflicted, fighting my feeling of not being a "good wife."
That's terrible! I wouldn't want to be around people like that. If this is how they behave in front of others, I can only imagine what nonsense they say behind people's backs.
Toxic people suck and there's a lot of them. Most everyone has at least 1 in their family.
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It was pathetic! Haven't heard a word from them in over 2 years....not surprised at all.
