Is my father crazy or is it just me? (brother, sister, attractive)
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No, it's not really "normal" anymore for someone of his age. I'm a 65-year-old woman and male contemporaries with whom I am acquainted do not think – or talk – like this. My son doesn't talk or think like this. But these guys certainly haven't died out and I am occasionally surprised at men – even far younger than myself – still holding such views.
Some questions:
* What do you know about his upbringing?
* In what part of the country (I'm assuming U.S.) did he grow up?
* Are his parents alive?
* What was the family's economic status and what did your grandfather do for a living?
* What does your dad do for a living?
* Does your dad have siblings – particularly brothers – and do they share his sentiments?
* Coworkers or buddies down at the corner bar who do?
Your dad is something of a walking anachronism. Even Archie Bunker was starting to get a clue when your dad was a small child. He's got some issues (as do we all) but at least from your post he sounds to be – much like fictional Archie – more bark than bite. Your mom recognizes it, can stand up to him, and is supportive of your choices. You have managed to grow up, avoided adopting his notions as gospel, and recognize the absurdity as what it is. Keep going in the direction you are.
Hopefully, your dad also has some good qualities and this isn't the complete description of him.
I will answer your questions in order:
1) My father grew up in a neighborhood in Detroit that was a little rough. He told stories on how he used to get into fights, etc. He grew up without a father. His father wasn't in his life. He was raised by a single mother. He said she was very strict. He didn't finish high school. However, he did get his GED.
2) His mother passed away I believe in 1990 due to Breast Cancer. His father, I don't know.
3) I would say the family's economic status was middle class.
4) My dad works at a place where he fixes things. Most of his coworkers are men. He's been at this job for 24 years now. He complains all the time that he wants to leave his job, but he sticks with it. So basically, he hates his job. Before this job I know he used to work as a busboy at a yacht club, he served in the military, and he used to do carpet cleaning.
5) My dad has two younger brothers. So, he's the oldest. His youngest brother is nothing like him. He is a very nice guy, and doesn't share his sentiments. His other brother does share some similarities with him, but he doesn't really have the same views as my father either.
6) I don't know anything about his coworkers, so I can't answer that question. My dad doesn't really have any friends. He doesn't hang out with his coworkers outside of work. He doesn't have any buddies he goes to grab a drink with. Only thing he does is take my brother and I out for car rides every weekend.
My dad does have good qualities. He has done a lot for me and my siblings. He always made sure we got to school, had food, clothes, etc. However, there are many times where he is a jerk, disrespectful and rude. He's also short-tempered and gets angry easily. His behavior is very 50/50. Sometimes he's cool, calm, and collected, and other times he just has a very bad attitude.
And thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it.
My father is very macho and misogynistic. I remember when I was 16, I wanted to get a part-time job working as a cashier in a department store. A cashier is like the most common job. I remember when I told my dad about it he said, "You want to be a cashier? I always looked at that as a woman's job." I then told him, "There are a lot of guys who are cashiers". He then said, "Yeah, all the lame guys."
I'm currently in my third year of college and I decided that I want to be a nurse. He doesn't support me wanting to become a nurse because once again he thinks it is a woman's job. When I told him about it he said "You want to be a nurse?" He asked in a very nasty tone. "That's for women." My mother supports my choice 100 percent. I then told my mother, "Dad thinks being a nurse is just for women, but it's not there are a lot of male nurses." She then told me, "I know son". She called my dad into the room to tell him, "Don't put down his career choice, being a nurse is a great career, and it's not just for women there are a lot of men who are nurses." I then told him, "Yeah many people still look at nursing as a woman's job, but it's not just for women. There are a lot of male nurses" My father just laughed a bit and walked out the room because he didn't want to hear it.
Today he asked me if he could borrow a few quarters to put some air in his tires. I just throw all my change in my backpack because I get lazy sometimes. I told him "Hold on, I have some in my backpack." I keep my laptop, notebooks, and all my other school stuff in my backpack. All my change is at the bottom. I had to take all my supplies out to get to my change. My father asks, "Wow, you have to go through all that?" I told him, "Yeah, eventually I'm going to get a plastic bag so I can keep all my change in it." He then tells me, "Keeping change in a plastic bag. That's what women do. What do you want me to buy you a purse so you can start putting your change in it?" WHAT??? How is keeping pocket change in a plastic bag to make it easier to store and find, only for women???!!!
My father is being very misogynistic, sexist, macho, and just absurd. Is it normal for men to be like this? Are men usually like this or is it just my dad?
You will most likely encounter this attitude from some patients - not just men, but some women and children also - as well as some in your field and related fields.
In any case, you need to learn how to disconnect your value, your self-worth, from the opinions and approval of others, otherwise your career choice will be less than rewarding.
My father is being very misogynistic, sexist, macho, and just absurd. Is it normal for men to be like this? Are men usually like this or is it just my dad?
No it is not "normal" but some people take longer to evolve. As you have stated he has been a good father in other ways so try not to let his rantings get in the way of what you want to do. It is your life, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you have some good plans. Stick with them and pave your own way. Good luck and "try" not to let what your father says hurt/bother you.
Sorry your dad is an A-hole. If he were 82 he would be an out of touch A-hole. But 52? There's no excuse for having the mindset as if it were 1957. I only hope you are gay just to rock his world a bit more.
Sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad. Your dad was good to you and siblings growing up. But he has a "old school" attitude. My parents, more so my dad, has some pretty racist views. No use getting into a argument with him I am not going to change him at this point, so I just ignore it, walk away or just change the subject. It's not worth ruining an otherwise great relationship with my parents.... The political stuff lately has been rough so I just don't get into it with them. Have advised my son about it too, just don't go there, we know what their views are and not going to change by getting into a discussion or argument. Just do what you want to do and let his snide comments just roll off. You love him in spite of his views, not because of them. Just be thankful you are growing up in a more in lightened time....
NO, it's just YOUR dad, but there are prob a good share of a-holes like that out there w/ that narrow-minded thinking & too bad your mom (or ANY woman married him) because a man like that deserves NO kind of companionship in life ever.
My dad was much older than yours & he was in the military, but he wasn't like that whatsoever.
Your dad must have a hard time in life day-to day when he goes through his daily encounters. I hope your dad encounters LOTS of women in his life for the times he has to do his daily activities: Having a females doctor, a woman dentist, dealing w/ a female boss, etc. ALSO, he's young enough still to be alive when we may have our 1st woman president & it will be great for you to see what kind of tizzy he gets into then!
Your dad's still old school & no different than the people who don't want to deal w/ people due to their ethnicity. Stupid b@$tard.
So my thought is that your dad is probably a very unhappy guy who derives his self-worth from his ideas of what "masculinity" is. Did he ever serve in the military? I'm thinking no, but you might surprise me with your answer.
I would ignore him. He is clearly not very bright and has low self-esteem. I pity your mother.
Do not let this guy undermine your confidence or deter you from your very logical and admirable (and potentially lucrative!) career path.
You can just not respond when he says stuff like that. Or respond with something neutral like "I see." Or just "ok." Don't react - it'll drive him crazy. He's kind of a bully, and he wants you to get mad.
This is very good advice I think! You cannot change your Dad's out-of-sync ideas but you can change your reaction to them. I feel sorry for your Dad. He must be quite insecure in his old-school, rigid gender models.
Growing up, I had a Dad who was much the same as the OP's. He thought the only three roles for a girl-child were: school teacher, secretary, wife -- or nurse. Instead I grew up to become the owner of a marketing communications firm and a journalist and a writer of novels.
We choose our own paths and can view other's opinions as only tiny, meaningless road-bumps on our journey to our full potential.
Sounds like a jerk to me. I'm sorry he's like that, and I'm glad you are doing your own thing. I don't know what's up with these guys who think they need to prove their masculinity. Mostly I don't understand how your mom puts up with it. I think it's important as a parent, to support your kids becoming who they want to be, even if it's not who they want you to be. (Unless the kid is becoming a jerk). Anyway, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. He's the one with the issue, not you.
My dad doesn't really have any friends. He doesn't hang out with his coworkers outside of work. He doesn't have any buddies he goes to grab a drink with. Only thing he does is take my brother and I out for car rides every weekend.
How does your dad talk to your brother? Is your brother older or younger than you? How old are you? Do you have sisters? If so how does your dad treat your sisters? How does your dad treat your mother, is he respectful or disrespectful towards her? Has he ever raised a hand to your mother.
Have you and/or your brother brought home any girlfriends? Does your dad encourage you to go out on dates with girls? How does your dad talk to your friends that he has met, either boys or girls? Are you reluctant to bring your friends to your home?
Everything you have said so far about your dad leads me to think he is a homophobe and is afraid or suspects that you are gay or will become gay and he is trying to discourage that by talking in a misogynistic way (whether or not he actually is a misogynist). If he is homophobic and if you are gay he will see both himself and you as failures. He sounds like the type of person that it will be a crushing blow to him and he might disown you or worse. If you are gay I would strongly suggest you wait until you are no longer living at home and are not dependent on your father for anything before you open up about your orientation.
No it's not normal and perhaps you need to stop justifying yourself or defending your choices and when he makes such statements you say nothing or change the subject or leave the room.
As an aside my son served in the military and he and his friends don't have the mysogynistic attitude at all.
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